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The shows are over for now, and that means I’ve reached a bit of a lull. Though I have more to say about them, I think I will save it for the Mrs. Hawking blog. For now, I will reflect on the state of other things in my life now that I don’t have quite so much on my plate.

As for my work situation, in addition to tutoring, I now have two classes again. As often happens in the life of an adjunct, you gain and lose classes on short notice, and I was offered a Short Fiction class for the Lesley extension at Bunker Hill. It’s not the best timeslot— three hours on Friday nights starting in March —but I wanted the second class and it’s only for a few weeks. Since it doesn't start right away, I have a bit more time before I have to worry about it. It’s nice to only have to plan for one class for a little while. It started yesterday and I feel prepared, so I’m in pretty good shape there.

While I did a good job staying on top of most of my responsibilities, a lot of the stuff I just do for myself fell by the wayside. I did a good job sticking to my diet and exercise plan, even during tech week— which honestly is the most important to me —but my skin and hair are pretty wrecked. I completely fell out of my skincare routine and had a really charming breakout around my mouth. Yuck. My hair started to concern me when the dark roots began to grow out, but weirdly they bothered me more when they were shorter. Now they kind of look like I have light highlights, which I sort of like, but I think I probably need to get a trim, if not do something to fix the color.

In the next couple weeks, I mostly need to go into maintenance mode. Rest, get my life together, not take on anything new. I need to clean up my house and find storage for all the new props and costumes purchased for Vivat Regina. Everything could use a good scrubbing down, as I haven’t had the time to clean as thoroughly as I usually do.

I do have a little bit of project work for the moment. But I won’t get into that just yet. Mostly I just want to put myself back together and recharge.
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I had a conversation with [livejournal.com profile] john_in_boston recently over stuff to do in order to stay productive, and it got my thinking about all the ways I trick my lazy, lazy brain into doing things besides wandering off into useless atrophy.

Write everything down. Everything I want to do. Everything I have to do. When I need to do it. I carry a lined notebook for this. I'm so distractable by things like stories and cute dresses and pretty boys that if I don't, I WILL FORGET EVERYTHING.

Categorize. I separate the things I have to do into categories. Each category gets a page in the lined notebook. Usually they're fairly broad, like "Errands and Chores" for work and life stuff, "Projects" for creative work. Sometimes I have sub-lists-- like, say, stuff for the next Mrs. Hawking production. I mark them off when they're done. I like using highlighters for this.

Set daily intentions. When getting down to work, I made a list of all the things I specifically want to do that day. That includes routine things-- make sure I do my workout, use my acne medication, post today's Hipster Feminist tweet --as well as specific one-time activities. "Cook those pork chops in the fridge." "Finish scene I started last night." Also pieces of specific projects. "Write 1 scene piece for Base Instruments."

Chunk things into smaller sections. I find breaking things into smaller individual tasks to be ENORMOUSLY helpful for getting down to work. I not only classified Base Instruments into scenes, I broke each scene into discrete sections. It's much easier to approach "Try to write 1 scene piece each day" because it's a much more manageable amount of work, so it gets done on a regular basis.

Schedule everything. I use my calendar obsessively. If something is written down on my calendar for a specific time, it is much easier to get my brain prepared to work on it by that time. It makes me get off my ass, and helps me never be late. I hate being late.

Keep a record of what I did. This is what my accomplishment chart is for. I enjoy marking down all the cool things I did enough that it incentivizes doing them. It makes me feel happy and proud. I only include "cool" things on my chart, things that make me happy to have done, because I feel kind of lame giving myself credit for chore things that I feel like are kind of the bare minimum for function. But it might help other people to include anything they struggle to get done. I add another layer to this with my writing chart, which specifically helps me write something every day, because of how much I enjoy marking down the stuff I do.
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I have been getting a lot of things done lately. I've been working dilligently away on Base Instruments, and it's coming along. I wrote another pitch, this time for my other screenplay, The Tailor at Loring's End. Sunday alone I cleaned everything in my house except for mopping the kitchen floor (my least favorite chore, for some reason, so I avoid it), did all the laundry, washed and put away all the dishes. Made myself some chicken with sauteed apples and onions to eat this week.

My workout plan goes well. I think my body is in the best shape it's ever been. This system of working out six days a week, alternating ab routine with cardio, plus a low-carb, no-processed sugar diet with one cheat day a week is suiting me. It's not easy, but I feel strong and healthy-- and my abs are more visible than they've ever been. I'm in the middle of week three, and I'm hoping to make it at least a month so I can see where I am then.

But I think I need to get out of the house a bit more, or at least invite people over. I never mind being alone, but I do experience the sensation of missing friends. I feel like I haven't had much social interaction in some time. I'm handling Bernie's absense-- which has just hit the ten-month mark --pretty well, but I get into waves where I feel it more keenly than usual. I should make a point to make plans with people to keep it in check. The only remedy for missing people is to reach out and arrange to see them.
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This weekend will be quiet for me, which will be good. I have no particular plans, and I'm fairly certain I will have the house to myself, so I think I will spend it at home getting things done. I really need to clean the place, get a little light exercise, and finish the larp I'm running at Festival this year.

Rehearsals for Mrs. Hawking began this week, and things went smoothly. Turns out it simplifies things when you already have the blocking worked out. Because of the holiday I have the whole weekend free, which is good for me, but we'll be getting into our regular about-four-days-a-week schedule on Monday. For me, I'm doing okay. I feel good working on a project I believe in and have high hopes for. I do well being productive, active, and forward-looking. The fact that a lot of this stuff necessary for production has been figured out previously makes thing smoother and easier.

The only thing I'm struggling with really is money. My finances have been a minor mess for a while now, and the costs of the last show didn't help. I'm expecting, because of not needing to buy nearly so much, that this next one won't be close to as expensive, but there's still no return on any of this. And there's already been a few expenses that weren't an issue last time around, like having to pay for rehearsal space. This is something I'm going to have to figure out, as it's starting to get serious. Not sure how to handle it yet. But I'm probably going to have to add in some other sideline just to bring a little more cash in.

Slipping

Oct. 27th, 2014 01:08 pm
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Back from the wedding, which made for a lovely weekend where I could take a break from thinking about my life. Now, however, there's no more avoiding it. I have a crazy, demanding week ahead of me that has my stomach in knots from the stress of everything I have to get done. I have jumped in, but there's just so much to get through.

My depression has always been situational, and usually in response to some seriously bad life state. Jared's black cloud of a presence, my mother's illness. Nothing's bad on that level, but certain life things unraveling has left me feeling increasingly adrift and uncertain. I feel so pathetic saying I'm worried I'm getting depressed again, especially since I know so many people with way more serious stuff going on. The only thing that worked to lift it in previous instances was the circumstances changing for the better. But if I knew how to change my current circumstances, I don't think I'd be feeling like this.
breakinglight11: (CT photoshoot 1)
I'm in the hotel room right now, trying to use the couple of hours I have before Joe's wedding gets going to get something done. The bridal party is all off getting photos taken. Bernie's the best man, and it's very nice to see him in a tuxedo. He's usually so resistant to dressing up, but here he is in a suit with a real tie and regular people dress shoes. The fit is not great, sadly-- I love his V-shaped, boxer-built upper body, but it is rare enough that a tuxedo rental is unlikely to be able to show it off to best advantage. :-P Still, he looks pretty good; I'll have to come home with pictures of my own.

Having a bit of a hard time focusing, but I've got so many things on my plate right now I'm trying not to waste the time. I need to get ready myself at some point, and I expect that to take a while.
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I am really liking HabitRPG. For those of you who don’t know, it gamifies the process of getting chores done. You put in habits you’re trying to reinforce, daily routines you want to get in, and items on your to do list, and it gives your avatar points when you complete them and takes away health when you fail to. When you’re doing well on a particular habit or routine, it goes from yellow to green to blue, and when you’re doing poorly it turns red.

It turns out I really like being able to click off those little boxes that say I did something. I think it speaks to the same part of me that noting my doings on my Accomplishment Chart does. So I’ve found it very helpful in getting me back on track with my chores. I’m usually pretty on top of responsibilities and tasks, but since my mom died I kind of fell out of my good habits, like regular housecleaning. I’ve always responded to regiment, and this adds another layer of it without excessively corralling my life. HabitRPG has gotten me motivated, perhaps to better effect than ever. Right now I’m using it to keep the house clean, exercise, eat right, and various other forms of taking care of myself.

I’m a creature of pretty extreme habit. Once I get into a groove, good or bad, it’s hard to shake me from it. So I’m trying to use it to get into certain good habits that have been historically hard for me to establish. My acne, for example, has been even worse than usual lately and I’d love to find some way to make it go away. I’ve never found anything that’s really effective but I admittedly have never stuck with any treatment for long. I’m hoping HabitRPG will motivate me to get me to use my medicated scrub and moisturizer on a regular basis. I’ve managed to make it a week so far, so let’s hope it helps me stick with it.

I really recommend HabitRPG if you need a better way to get things done. It keeps them in the forefront of your mind, and incentivizes your doing them.
breakinglight11: (CT photoshoot 1)
Bernie is now on his way back to Maryland. Hopefully it will only be for a few months while he edits his thesis for his final defense, but I am sad to see him go in the meantime. This week was full of helping him to pack up all his stuff, and this weekend to move it all to the storage unit where it will live until his return. We had lots of wonderful friends come to help us with that part-- thanks so much to all those of you who lent your backs and hands --and I impressed myself with the sheer volume of boxes and furniture I was able to carry. It took all weekend, and I'm very proud of the work we did, but now I can do other things.

I tried to think of what to get done that might be easier without another person around. Maybe getting my finances in order, something that's gotten away from me in the last few months. But other than that, I can't think of anything. Bernie doesn't get in my way at all when he's around, and I'm not used to a relationship like that. That's a very good thing, of course, but it means there's no upside to him going away for a while.

Today I am going to rest, but also catch up on the stuff that didn't happen because of the move this week. I am now three days behind on 31 Plays in 31 Days, and today is the last day to finish that, so I'd better make sure I crack those out. Also the house needs cleaning. It'll be good to stay busy. I think I'll be okay even with Bernie far away, but I'd prefer to stave off mopiness if possible. 

Catch up

Jul. 11th, 2014 12:05 pm
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Had a reading of my new film script Adonis last night, though I only managed to draft it to page seventy. It was pretty stressful for me, as it was a completely unedited first draft of atypical subject matter and it was more flawed than I hoped it would be, but the feedback was useful. I’m so lucky to have such intelligent friends. So at least I do have a direction to go in for the edit.

Tired today. Nowhere to be, and slightly burnt out from the burst of focus I dug up for the last couple days. I plan to spend today cleaning my wreck of a house. I’ve already taken care of the kitchen, but my room is a disaster area, and the bathrooms could use scrubbing. Since Mom passed I’ve been very lax on chores, at least by my standards, and I’d like to get into a routine again.

I shouldn’t take too long before I get back to work. I need to revise Adonis by the end of the month, plus keep the momentum up on Puzzle House Blues. But I’m going to be a bit easy today, even if I do decide to do some work.

breakinglight11: (Crawling Dromio)
There's a certain way, or combination of ways, I prefer to live my life. I do a lot, as my accomplishment charts demonstrate. And I don't even put chores on that, so I do even more than it seems. I care about making sure various aspects of my life happen to a certain standard, both for my own comfort and to make a good impression on others. I like to be involved, accomplished. I like to do interesting, creative things. I like the house clean and presentable to guests. I like to look pretty at all times. I want to keep any commitments that I make, especially to other people. I like to be involved in a wide array of interesting activities.

But like everything in life, there is a cost. The one that always feels highest for me is energy. I feel stressed and blasted on a regular, though admittedly not constant, basis. There's also time, which I never, ever seem to have enough of. And of course money, which, again, isn't constantly at issue, but something that I frequently find myself seriously worrying over. I often feel stretched too thin, and worn out.

I'd love to fix that, but what gives, though? I do these things because I feel better having them in my life. So what can I cut? More often than not, it seems, that I sacrifice seeing friends or having any sort of a social life. Which I handle, I guess, given my introvert nature, but I don't want to lose those relationships with the people who I love and are important to me. But there's just so much I want to, or have to, do. I have to go to my day job, clean the house, cook tasty and inexpensive meals, go to my workout appointments and my ballet class, go to theater rehearsals, serve on the organization of events, choose a nice outfit to wear every morning, work on my various creative projects, writing and otherwise... sometimes I don't understand how other people live. How do they do it all? Or how do they live going without?

You've caught me on a bad week. A bad month, even, given that next week is likely to be pretty bad too. I've been so busy that I'm a stressed and dragging wreck all through everything I have to do in a day until I COLLAPSE into bed at like ten. Everything feels heavier when I'm this tired.
I want to have it all, I guess, and I wish I knew how to do it. The real answer, probably, is compromise, but even that I'm not quite sure how to achieve.
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I can't believe how much I have to do right now. Thankfully I'm mostly ready for Intercon (except for rating the last of this year's Iron GM submissions, which I will complete tonight) but I still have a hundred other things. Work and life responsibilities, various commitments, plus GHOSTSHOW is going to be performed on March 8th. I thought I was cutting down on obligations, but it doesn't feel like it right now. I'm actually a bit panicked as to when I'm going to get it all done.

I think what this means is I can't go to Precon on Thursday night. I was excited because this looked like the first year ever I didn't have Friday daytime commitments to prevent me, but I'm just too overwhelmed. I need to spend the time working. I would love to go into Intercon proper with as few weights on my mind as possible. We'll see what we can do.

breakinglight11: (Default)

First day of chores at home. I was a bit nervous of being too sick for peak performance, as I've been fighting off a cold I caught from Bernie, but fortunately today the body aches were gone and left me with only a head full of mucous to contend with. Today we washed all the windows in the house, inside and out, and scrubbed the shutters back to their forest green. We also hacked away at the wisteria that climbs over the lattice on the side of the porch. It is quite lovely and makes for a beautiful winding screen, but it grows so fast that it has to be pruned back every few weeks lest it consume the whole deck. There's still a fair bit of landscaping to be done, as my dad is too busy these days to keep up with it like he used to. I keep telling him to just hire a high school kid for like fifteen bucks an hour to just keep on top of things like the weeding and the power washing and redoing the stain on the fence, but for some reason he's resistant. Probably afraid they wouldn't do it exactly how he wants. The house and yard are probably too big for just my mom and dad alone there anymore, but the place has been so molded to their lives and interests by now-- the vegetable gardens, the radio antenna, the personally-designed kitchen, the little library, the artist's studio, the brewery in the basement. It reminds me of the way in visual storytelling forms like cinema you tell your audience about your characters not with words but with images. You get a pretty neat picture of who my parents are just from looking at this house. They have done a lot of living in it, and I like to see the signs.

breakinglight11: (Default)

I am at home in Pennsylvania for the week. I like being at home now and again because life is less busy, but this won't be a vacation. I've specifically set aside this time to help my mom and dad out with various labor-intensive chores around the house. We're going to be staining the deck, washing all the windows, and weeding all the landscaping beds, plus anything else that occurs to them. I am glad to be able to help them out, and I need physical labor to do on a regular basis to feel comfortable in my skin. So much of my life involves brain work, and that I find much more exhausting than anything physical. Chores are a good change for me to switch gears regularly and get off my ass, get some exercise, and give my mind a break. Also, my parents are amazing cooks, so I will be paid in excellent meals for my effort. Back to my usual grind this weekend. ;-)

breakinglight11: (Bowing Fool)
This morning I cleaned the house from top to bottom, flitting between the work and scribbling thoughts in my notebook for the one-shot tabletop game I'm running this weekend. I'm always surprised at how much this sort of life suits me. If only I didn't have to worry about that whole distasteful money issue. Anyone in the market for a housewife? I'm very on top of the chores, I'm an excellent cook, I can keep to a budget, and I won't let my figure go. Just keep me in ballet classes and larp costuming and you'll never go off to work without a thoughtfully packed lunch ever again.

The game I'm running is for Carolyn, Ryan, Sam, Aaron, and Gigi, most of whom are new to gaming and would like to get a taste of what theatrical roleplaying is like before they play in a real larp. The game is set in Fairfield, in the universe of the Tailor of Riddling Way, and explore many of the same important themes-- family history, class differences, terrible secrets. I'm writing pregen characters and setting it right after the conclusion of the Tailor story. I am evening including some of the original characters. So far I'm feeling pretty good about what I have, and I think it's going to turn out to be a good game. It's meant to be roleplay-heavy and completely mechanics free as an exercise in acting and storytelling. If it goes well, I'd be happy to run it again for anyone who cares to play.
breakinglight11: (Easy Fool)

Bliss is being alone in your clean house on a lazy Saturday. <3

Pink just moved the last of her things out this morning. Charlotte originally was going to replace her in the house, but unexpectedly Rachel decided she wanted to move out too. She left for vacation the other day, and most of her things are gone. Now we will have a Brandeis graduate student named Laura in Pink's old room, and Charlotte will be the new occupant in Rachel's. I enjoyed living with her at Elsinore the year before last, so I'm excited to have her again, and though I've never met Laura, Pink has assured me she is a lovely person.

I spent the morning cleaning so the house will be nice for Laura when she arrives. I scrubbed the surfaces, the shelves, the cabinets, mopped the floor, cleaned the bathroom, washed the dishes. Now I am relaxing with a little TV and enjoying the solitude. Unfortunately Illyria currently has no Internet, as the router left with Emily, but Charlotte has some idea of how to deal with that, so I will wait until she returns from Maine. I have my iPad with 3G until then, and of course my phone.

Laura will be here in the next few hours, and I will help her if she needs it. Until then, my house is clean, and I am enjoying a well-deserved bit of relaxation.
breakinglight11: (Tired Fool)
I think now might be a good time to make it clear, in case it isn't already, that I am completely overrun with work right now. Between my day job, my rehearsal schedule, writing a piece of theater every day in August, ten thousand little errands and chores, and how the second year of my grad program is turning out to be a lot more intense than the first-- what I don't have is a lot of free time, and I what I do have is a lot of stress.

So please forgive me if I'm hard to get in contact with for the next few weeks, or if I'm not able to do anything. I still love you all... I'm just struggling to stay on top of my work and life responsibilities, and scheduling in social time, any non-work time at all, makes it harder to get everything done.
breakinglight11: (Cool Fool)

Woke up yesterday with a sore throat. There seems to be a number of illnesses running around right now, so I could have gotten something worse, but I am not thrilled to have anything making speaking uncomfortable with Intercon tomorrow. I am medicating with tea, and if it's still painful tomorrow, I am going to buy a bottle of Chloraseptic to spray down my throat. The stuff isn't good for the voice but it's worth it to enjoy the biggest weekend of my year.

I am almost entirely packed, just a few things that I'm still using remain. The only major chore left is to cook the dishes I'm going to pack to take with us so we won't have to depend on restaurants. I haven't decided whether I should do it today or tomorrow afternoon before we leave, I guess it depends on how much else I get done. Tonight the priority is get dinner made in time for Jared and I to eat before we go over to see the opening night of Titus.

I've been to a couple dress rehearsals, and it is a very funny show. Last night was the Naked Tech, or the final cue-to-cue where the cast runs through their marks in their underwear trying to make as much fun of the show and blow off as much steam as possible. I'm really happy that this tradition has endured and has made so many participants happy. It's part of what makes HTP so much fun to be a part of and cements people's affection for and desire to participate in the club. Last night's Naked Tech was really hilarious, and a good time was had by all, old timer and newcomer alike. It's actually getting to the point where the club is made up of more than just a small core of devoted actors and coming to be considered as an audition option for a larger-growing pool of Brandeis actors. It's taken years to get to that point, but I think it's finally happening, and it makes me really glad. There used to be so much bad blood between the groups for no good reason at all, and it means a lot to see how much progress has been made.
breakinglight11: (Crawling Dromio)
Mixed bag here, some good and some bad. First, the good:

- It's official, I'm going to become a direct employee at Integralis rather than a contractor from an agency. Not sure when it's going to happen, but the process has been started. My rep is going to try to get me a pay increase, which would be really nice, but it's not like I'm going anywhere if it doesn't happen.

- I actually think I'm losing weight, which pleases me. I tried on some clothes that had started to fit like sausage casings and they were a lot more comfortable. My thighs are still too big and I'm still softer in the middle than I have been in years, but I am seeing results while still feeling good about my eating, so using the calorie counter has been working.

- Today I am going to upgrade my phone. I've had an iPhone 2 I think for about two years now and it's showing it age, running slow and blowing up constantly. I'm going to cash in my upgrade and get the new one.

Now the bad:

- Still haven't decided what my next project will be, because this week was an endless parade of expensive, pain-in-the-ass chores that all took longer than they should have. Had to pay to get my car fixed, chase down some undelivered packages, take the HTP props and costumes back to club storage, pick up new scrips for both Jared and me, pay a parking ticket and two hospital bills, and run all over creation trying to get the immunization hold lifted off my Lesley file so I can fucking register for classes. Some of that stuff is still not quite resolved, and I'm still stressing over getting it all done rather than trying to start something new and productive.

- Got back my final packet for the semester with my teacher's comments. My one-act is pretty much a mess, which is discouraging. I never loved it and only wrote it because I had to, but still, I didn't think it was as flawed as all that. And I have no fucking clue how to fix it. For a variety of reasons, I am not feeling particularly good about my work right now, so now I'm stuck between wanting to generate more theatrical writing to redeem myself and never wanting to look at that shit again.

- I want to act again, or direct somewhere other than of out Hold Thy Peace's pity, but nobody will fucking cast me or pick me for it. I don't know what I'm not doing right. I hear other auditions that I don't think are as good as mine, and yet I never get cast. And the directing resumes I send out never come back. I guess I'm not as good as I thought I was, and I'm getting fed up with trying and never getting anywhere.
breakinglight11: (Teasing Fool)
Yesterday I was the Chore-Accomplishing Powerhouse. I've been very busy with more external responsibilities (work, school, directing Merely Players) that I haven't felt very much like spending my remaining energy on stuff around the house. But I finally made myself call the neurologist and get an appointment-- that I wasn't putting off, I just kept forgetting and never remembering until after office hours --and getting that out of the way lit a fire under me. I cleaned my bedroom, changed the bedsheets, put together my new office chair, repacked my fabric basket, vacuumed the carpet, cleared out all the stuff I'd been driving around in my car, stored the new banquet tables I bought down in the basement, unloaded and reloaded the dishwasher, took the air conditioner out of my window, and threw a roast in the oven for dinner. A lot of this stuff has needed doing for a while so, now I'm glad to have gotten it out of the way.

But I'm still not done. I started painting away the little spots of remaining orange paint on the trim in my bedroom, but never had a chance to finish. I need to keep taping up the blue and get that all covered up. I also need to get around to hanging my big mirror. I've been a little tentative because I don't want to damage it or the wall, but I think I know what I need to do. I have monkey hooks and I bought the stud finder app on my iPhone that [livejournal.com profile] valleyviolet recommended, which might be enough, but I wonder if it wouldn't be helpful to get some eighteen-gauge wire to string it up with. Also, I think I'd like to make that corner of the room a bit more functional. As it is, both mirrors are in my bedroom, while the dresser I'd previously also been using as a vanity is in my office, making getting ready in the morning a bit awkward. Usually when I leave I have just tossed my hair brush and everything onto my bed, which is not as organized or neat as I'd like. I much prefer everything to end up in its proper place. So I've decided that once the mirror is hung I'm going to place a little table beneath it to make that spot into a real vanity. I've been checking out Craigslist and eBay to find something that might serve. The trouble is that spot is in the narrow space between the wall and the door to my office, so I can't put anything there that's so wide it will interfere with egress between the rooms. But I found a little thing that I think will work. Doesn't look like much now, it's a cheap, unfinished half-circle kind of table I'll be picking up on Saturday. But I kind of like that because I can stain it myself and choose the color. I bet I can make it look nice.


I don't have anyplace to be this weekend, so perhaps a run to the hardware store is in order, and I can spend the rest of the time seeing that this stuff actually gets accomplished.
breakinglight11: (Crawling Dromio)
Gah. Things started getting busy last Thursday and won't let up until the end of this coming weekend. We got Jared successfully moved into his new place with an intrepid team of him, Bernie, Steph, and myself. It actually went pretty smoothly except for the actual travel, because traffic was so awful it took three times as long to get anywhere as it should have. But I'm glad to have gotten it taken care of, and I think it's been nice for Jared to be in Somerville since he's in tech week for his show.

The show is going to be going up this coming weekend. I promised to attend all four performances starting on Thursday, the Saturday of which the big potluck picnic will be. I am excited, but I need to be ready and in organizational mode to make sure everything goes off all right. Hope to see as many lovely friends as possible there!

As for my own activities, this past weekend I spent finishing my latest homework assignment and recovering from a blindingly bad migraine. Saturday and Sunday I spent working, but I woke up on Labor Day with a halo in my right eye that I only noticed when I tried to go back to my school reading. Soon the headache set in on the left side of my head, followed by waves of nausea and vomiting. If Bernie hadn't been able to quickly run me over some Excedrin Migraine, I don't know what I would have done. I've only just started getting migraines about a year and a half ago, and even then I've only ever had four or five, but that was easily the worst one I've ever had. I had recently experienced a lot of the factors that contribute to getting migraines-- stress, long hours staring at a computer screen, hormonal changes due to my prescription running out and being unable to get a timely refill appointment --but it does kind of make me nervous that they seem to have become worse with every episode. It may be something worth addressing with a doctor, before I end up with an aneurysm or something.

Auditions for Merely Players are tomorrow night. I was a little nervous at first, as not very many people had contacted me with interest in coming out, but now it looks like things will be fine. I'm very excited to nail down a cast for this. I have not gotten the name of a single person I wouldn't like to cast, so I fear if I get many more I'm going to run into the same painful situation as I did with To Think of Nothing-- more fantastic people than I can use. The decision maker will probably end up being comparing it to Dave's cast list for Margaret and taking those with smaller parts of who didn't get parts in his show, which was my plan all along.

I also am trying out for a couple of things myself. I found a production of Titus and a production of Romeo and Juliet that have an open call. I wish they weren't this week, as it doesn't leave me a ton of time to prepare, but them's the breaks sometimes. I am not terribly optimistic, as I've tried out for a lot of things this summer that I didn't get in, but you never know unless you try. That is the closest I can get to being hopeful, I suppose, being convinced it's futile but keeping at it anyway. It's probably the only thing keeping my functional, given what a pessimist I really am.

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