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I've been working out in the gym at Lesley University lately. It's been very convenient, as I can go after I teach my classes, and it has very nice facilities. Mostly I just want to run indoors while it's cold outside, as I tend toward weird asthma-like symptoms when I breath cold air for too long.

As a faculty member, I'm allowed to use the gym for free, which is nice. But I've never seen anyone other than students in there-- at least, never anyone I thought looked like post-college-aged adult. I've decided not to feel weird about it, as I know I'm allowed, but it does seem a bit odd. Where are all the other people like me who can use it as a job perk? Why do I never see them? Is it just the timing? Or are there just not many others who choose to use it?

When I'm teaching I dress very professionally to give myself some authority, but in the gym I wear my typical workout clothes, often just a sports bra and leggings. I dislike seeing students of mine in there, as I don't know if it makes a weird impression. Like, hi, I'm in charge of your grade, and here's my midriff? God, I've been dreading running into one in the locker room. I know I would not have wanted to be around my professor while one of us was changing.

And I wonder how the students who don't know me read me. I've been mistaken for a student at Lesley before, but usually by other employees; only once by an actual student that I know of. Do they assume I'm one of them, or to kids of their age, am I obviously older?

I mean, I know I look good. I am beautiful. Honestly I'm in better shape than most of the students, not just in general but even those I see in the gym. But I wonder how old I read, at least to people younger than me. I turn thirty this year. My skin has been really clear lately, thanks to the excellent acne medication I've been using, but I've begun to worry about the two spots on top of my cheeks that I think are beginning to look sun damaged, or possibly just showing age. I'm afraid my metabolism might slow down at any time.

Only a ridiculous person wants to look twenty forever. But aging is a great fear of mine. So I cling a little bit to things like when I get mistaken for still a college kid. But the truth is, I'm not a kid anymore, and I worry when that's going to catch up with me.

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I decided to take a week off from working out to try and let my body rest and recover. I've been sore for a weirdly long time, specifically in the joints, in my wrists, ankles, and knees. It's started to make me nervous, like I'm really wrecking my body. I work out pretty hard, and I've heard so many stories of, like, runners who wear out their knees from the impact. I mean, I've only been running outside for like two years now, two miles three times a week, so you'd think it hasn't been long enough to have already have destroyed my joints, so maybe I'm being ridiculous. I'm so spoiled, probably. I'm so used to a pain-free body that any pain at all makes me think I must be cataclysmically breaking down.

But just to give them a chance to heal, I'm taking the week off. Of course I'm nervous about ever letting up, but maybe I should just go back to the serious diet for that seven days just to make sure. It'd be nice to reset my system, though I've been so lax lately that it'd probably be a real struggle-- the old exquisite machine has been crying out for sugar lately. But I don't want to mess up the good thing I've got going lately.

I think I should probably do something chill, though. Maybe a stretching routine. I've also been weirdly tight in the Achilles tendons, and of course my knees are always stiff as boards unless I'm actively, aggressively working on them. Maybe that would help with the joint pain too. I'm not a big fan of yoga, due to said tight knees, but stretching would help.

*Sigh* It makes me miss ballet. I haven't been to classes in like a year, because it always seems to coincide with Hawking rehearsals. But I really liked doing it, and it helped improve that flexibility. Maybe I should check the schedule-- and the budget --and see if it might be possible to go back.
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At the end of this week, all my enormous commitments for the last several months will be fulfilled. I am going to have a very light summer, which I am incredibly glad and excited for, that even begins with basically a three-week break even from my day job in the gap between spring and summer trimesters. So I practically have a summer vacation, like back when I was in school!

I don’t want to LOAD MYSELF UP WITH COMMITMENTS RAWR. That’s my normal MO with any free time, and I know I need a break from deadlines, responsibilities, and appointments. But though I’d like to get more sleep and spend more evenings at home, I’d would like to use the time to work on stuff that’s fun and meaningful to me. So here’s some ideas of the stuff I’d like to pursue at least on a casual basis for the next three or four months.


Going back on my diet. I felt so good and looked freaking amazing on my smoothie and paleo diet, so I’m going to put myself back on it. It’s tough transitioning from sugar and carbs, but once I push through that I like how it makes me look and feel.

Start exercising again. Like my diet, my exercise regime had me in really great shape and health. I’d like to get back on that regular schedule for it. I may even return to circuit training appointments. I’ll be making less money for the next few months, though, so I’ll have to see if that’s in the budget.

Fix up my skin. My skincare routine has COMPLETELY gone by the wayside, and my acne is worse than it’s been in forever. I really need to get it sorted out. Having the time to take proper care of it made a big difference, and I’m hoping having less stress will help too.


Journal every day. My blog is really important to me and I’ve been too busy to keep it up. I want to go back to posting at least every week day, to have a record of my life and thoughts, as well as a way to keep present in the thoughts of the people who read it.

Throw a party. I love having parties, and I haven’t done it in forever. Maybe just the “cool people come over” kind or maybe with a theme. Like, a Fancy Party where everyone must dress up, or a Costume Party to make up for how I missed Halloween this past year.

Write seriously. I haven’t been doing much writing and it’s seriously slowed down my output. I want to not let the responsibilities of work or production make it so I’m no longer generating work. Not sure which project to focus on— Mrs. Hawking part 4? Adonis 2? Something else? —but I’d like to make some significant progress on something.

Learn how to do makeup. At least, better than I can right now. I’ve actually gotten pretty okay at basic, pretty, semi-natural makeup, but watching so much RuPaul’s Drag Race has gotten me fascinating with the transformative powers of makeup artistry and there’s a bunch of looks that I’d love to learn how to master.

Rework my Problem of the Protagonist theory. This is an idea I’ve been developing as a literary critic that I’ve recently done some mental refining on. I should do a rewrite of it to reflect the progress I’ve made. I think it’s actually a really useful idea and I’d like to make it as clear and precise as I can.

Write up the GM notes for my latest tabletop roleplay mod. I wrote this recently to run for inwaterwrit and some friends, and it came out better than it had any right to given how swamped I’ve been. Entitled “Silver Lines” and set in New York in 1889, it involved Mary and Arthur from the Mrs. Hawking series, and included some cool characters and interesting history. I’d like to write down the information needed to GM the thing so I don’t lose it.

Finish Lady Got Back. This is my idea for a parody of Baby Got Back about Victorian bustles. I have a lot that I like so far but it isn’t quite done yet. I’d love to finish it and then find somebody to record it in a perfect posh Victorian accent. That would be hilarious.

Rewatch all the Marvel movies. Just for fun. Not everything has to be work, right? That’s what vacation is for!


Changing my hair. I’ve still got this bee in my bonnet, I’m afraid. I was kind of disappointed by my attempt to go blonde, as it seemed to just fade to a light brown after like two washes, so it didn’t really satisfy my craving for something really different. Part of me wants to use the fact that I have no real need for a professional presentation this summer to try something really unusual— an unnatural color, an undercut? –and if I hate it, let it grow out or dye it back or whatever before the classes I’m teaching start this fall. But as usual, I’m nervous about not liking it, as I hate not feeling pretty, and the last attempt was really not worth the great expense.

Drag myself out. Related to my desire to develop greater facility with makeup, I’ve wanted to see if I could make myself look like a boy for a long time now. It might be fun to actually attempt it, with makeup and clothes and all that.

Work on my fashion designs. I know it’s not the best use of my time, because I don’t really have the time or resources to fully realize it in any way, but last October I started drawing up some ideas for a collection as a change of pace from my current creative work. It kind of has a post-apocalyptic aesthetic to it and I think I came up with some really cool stuff, so part of me would love to play around with it more and refine the ideas.

Make a costume of some kind. Don’t know what, but I haven’t been exercising my sewing or design skills enough recently. Maybe I should make something for a Hawking play, or maybe try my hand at a cosplay.

Record vocal diaries. I’ve been thinking about this for a while, like blogging by voice rather than by text. I might start with stuff I’ve already written just to try it, and then branch into doing podcast-like new things on various topics. Maybe I’d review stuff, or just do new blog entries that way.

So that’s all the stuff I’m considering. Almost certainly won’t do all of it, and maybe new ideas will occur to me. But I’m really looking forward to having a lower-key life for a while, where I can do stuff that seems fun rather than just stuff that’s become a responsibility.
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I've noticed my throat has started to ever-so-slightly tighten up when I exercise lately. Not when I run, interestingly. These days I run outside, and while I've always been sensitive to breathing in cold air, I'm fit and accustomed enough that it hasn't been a problem recently. It's only happened when I do my fighter abs routine, which I do indoors in a temperature-controlled environment. It hasn't been much, but in the breaths between, when I transition from one exercise to the next, I've noticed a cold, constricted sensation in my airway. It goes away quickly with a few deep breaths and hasn't really been holding me back in any way, but it's new and a bit worrying. I've always been concerned by my proneness to side stickers, but that's gone away as I've gotten stronger, and this seems to be almost like exercise-induced asthma. Why would that be appearing now, that I'm at the strongest I've been in my life?

I always worry I'm not breathing properly. I have tendency to hold my breath when I'm concentrating, and when putting the effort into finishing a difficult workout I often don't breathe enough. Maybe that's it. I should put some extra attention into regulating that pattern. I've gotten good at doing that when I run, as it distracts me from the sometimes-unpleasant sensation of exertion, but not so much during fighter abs. It definitely couldn't hurt, even if no real problem is developing.
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In my hero's boast, I laid out everything that I have to do from now until the end of the year.

One of those things was that I wanted to stay on both the smoothie diet and the fighter abs exercise program for twelve weeks. Just around Christmas, I completed that goal. I am super happy, because I look and feel great.

REGARD THE EXQUISITE MACHINE. I love how my body looks, especially my abs. I'm fitter, leaner, and more toned than I've ever been in my life. I'm happy enough that I'm planning on staying with lifestyle as long as possible. Taking breaks for special occasions will happen, but living this way has made me feel healthy, strong, and beautiful, so I want to stick with it.

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Cut for diet, exercise, and body talk. )
I also added in a calcium pill and a joint supplement. My doctor recommended the calcium, as all women under thirty-five should be working to build up their bone density before it starts deteriorating, and I thought the joint pill might be a good idea since I've been running so much. I haven't experienced any knee pain, but I have noticed they've started clicking when I do squats and things that involve deep bends. That's not much, but it makes me nervous, as I know runners often suffer knee problems later in life. So maybe the supplements will help stave things off a little.

My skin's kind of a mess, though. I've been so busy I haven't been as consistent scrubbing my face with my automatic face brush lately, and I've broken out a little. It's funny because they don't recommend using a brush like this every day, but apparently my skin produces SO MUCH YUCK it defies conventional wisdom. Sigh. If I get back in good habits it should probably get better again, but I'm only going to get busier from here, so I'm sorry it takes so much dedication to work.
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I have a lot of change going on in my life right now. My work, my routine, my diet, all these have been shaken up in a short period. This is a good thing, though right now I'm just getting used to it all. In truth I want to incorporate even more new things. I'm hoping to get into a new exercise routine. After some weeks, I plan on going into play rehearsals that will take up my evenings too.

But even the things that have gone into effect are still brand new. I think it will take me some time to adapt to how these things feel. Right now it's kind of stressful. I believe I'll feel more comfortable with things in time, but it can't happen all at once. In that case, it make sense to not change everything up at once. Maybe I should worry about getting a handle on the stuff I've got on my plate already before I pile on even more.

It's so typical of me. I want it all and I want it now. I want to power through my new work and schedule, remake my body, and do all my creative projects. But I need to remind myself that it's okay to take these things on with baby steps. Let me get used to how things are now, for at least a little while.

So it's okay if I don't jump into my new fighter workout routine. I feel guilty, like I'm falling down, like I'm not going to accomplish my fitness goals. But I don't need to do it all right now to get it in time. It will come. Like so many things in my life, I need patience.
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It's officially been twelve weeks of my current diet-exercise-skincare plan. I've been very happy with the results, as my skin and abs look the best they ever have in my life.

My face routine is pretty much exactly what I want it to be. I love my electric face brush, which I use to wash my face every night before I go to bed. I've read that you're not supposed to use them every day, but I have been because I think it's working for me. That combined with my moisturizer has kept my skin clearer, brighter, and dewier than it's been since I was a kid. So I'm sticking with that for the foreseeable future.

My diet and exercise, however, I think I'm going to change up. While my current plan served me well up to this point, I'm pretty sure I've plateaued. So I'm going to try something new and see what difference that makes. On September 1st, I'm going to switch to this diet where you eat high-protein smoothies two meals a day and eat a large, no-carb, no-sugar meal for dinner, with one cheat meal a week. My dad has been doing it for a while now and he lost a lot of weight. According to my dad, you don't even have to exercise on that plan for it to happen. Of course, he's a sixty-three-year-old man and I'm a twenty-eight-year-old woman, so God knows how different our workings are, and also my goals are only to lose the layer hiding my abdominal muscles.

So what I think I'm going to do is kind of chill out with the eating restrictions for the next couple of days. Hopefully that won't mess up my system too much, or make the transition any harder. Then on September 1st, I'm going to eat the mostly-smoothie diet for a week, without working out. That might make it easier for my body to adjust. Then I'm going to start working out again while on that diet, with a new regime that is how martial artists get abs. Three months is probably the right amount of time to see if it works. I wonder if it will be miserable, but I'm going to give it a shot and see if it works.
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Today is the last day of the semester, which means I am about to start a two-week break before things kick in again. All of my jobs are currently for colleges, so I'll have no work commitments until things get intense for me again when the new semester starts. It's a bit expensive for me not to work during that time, but I will enjoy the time off.

It's almost the end of the summer as I defined it when I made my plan for the months of June through August. I'm in very good shape as far as the goals I set and the things I wanted to accomplish.

I finished the first draft of Base Instruments, and had a very enjoyable and productive reading dinner for it. The first draft turned out better than I thought it would, and it was so much fun hearing friends read it aloud. They made some great, helpful suggestions-- these reading dinners are the best --that will be great for the direction of the next edit. I am currently taking a week or so away from it before I dig in, though, so I can look at it with fresh eyes. Part of the job will involve cutting it down-- it turned out much longer than I wanted --so I think I can't be this close to it when deciding what I can afford to lose.

I just finished my syllabus for my class at Lesley. That proved much more difficult to make than I thought it would, mostly because of the constraints I set down for myself. I needed things with culturally significant protagonists, that my students could get for free online, that weren't all white dudes. I did the best I could with that, and I think I will enjoy teaching the pieces I chose. The only thing I'm not sure about is if I gave them the correct amount of work-- neither too little nor too much. I guess we'll see, and I can always adjust if things aren't working.

My diet and exercise plan I've managed to stick to for almost twelve weeks now. I'm pleased with the results, though I'm pretty sure I've plateaued. I have definitely got better abs now than I ever have in my life, but they're still not where I want them to be. Maybe my expectations are unrealistic. But I may investigate into what I can do to jumpstart things again. In any case, I'm happy enough with the progress that I think this is how I'm going to be eating from now on.

Now to make a plan for the two weeks. I'm sure there's a way to make the most of the time, so I've got some thinking to do.
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I don't know I ever articulated these, but as we're about at the halfway point of the summer, I thought I'd look over my current set of goals for the season and see how I'm doing on them.

1. Draft a complete version 1 of Base Instruments

This is going really well! After making a mostly complete, and very thorough, outline, I have plunged into the actual writing, and I've gotten at least one piece of a scene drafted every day since I started. I'd estimate the draft is around fifty percent complete. It's not very good yet-- I'm shooting for completion, with plans to polish it later --but it's coming into existence where it wasn't before! I want to have at least a rough version 1 finished by the end of the summer.

2. Maximize ab development

My diet and exercise plan is turning out great. I'm trying to get my abs as defined as they possibly can be, and I've made the best progress of my life. I'm stronger than I've ever been too-- I pushed myself all-out on my run yesterday, and I actually ran a mile in 5:45! Fastest time for me ever! I look great, I feel great, and I do great. I'm also finally at the point where I think my body has adjusted to eating like this, so I'm not even constantly hungry anymore.

3. Do 31 Plays in 31 Days 2015

I have been really happy doing this in the past, so I think I'd like to participate again this August. I may change the terms for myself, however. Not exactly sure how, but I think I'd like to tailor it to a specific project I'm working on rather than just generating material for material's sake. Maybe that will be working on Base Instruments, if it's not finished by then, maybe it'll be for something else. But I like the productivity the structure has given me in the past.

4. Get together my bid for Mrs. Hawking and Vivat Regina at Arisia 2016

I have some informal approval already, but I'd like to get things official set down, so I know what to plan for. I'm both excited and daunted at the prospect of putting together SERIAL THEATER, WHICH IS BASICALLY UNHEARD OF, but I think that newness and daring will make it more exciting. So I'd like to get my proposal together and sent out before the end of the summer. Best to settle things as early as possible, to maximize preparation time!
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I’ve been investing a lot of effort lately into working up the old mortal shell through which God would have me experience His creation. I am probably a little too wrapped up in my own vanity, but I also care about keeping myself healthy and in shape. It makes me feel really good to look pretty and feel strong, so though it adds a fair number of extra responsibilities to my list, for me it acts as a form of self-care.

Content warning for body and diet talk to follow. )
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I have been getting a lot of things done lately. I've been working dilligently away on Base Instruments, and it's coming along. I wrote another pitch, this time for my other screenplay, The Tailor at Loring's End. Sunday alone I cleaned everything in my house except for mopping the kitchen floor (my least favorite chore, for some reason, so I avoid it), did all the laundry, washed and put away all the dishes. Made myself some chicken with sauteed apples and onions to eat this week.

My workout plan goes well. I think my body is in the best shape it's ever been. This system of working out six days a week, alternating ab routine with cardio, plus a low-carb, no-processed sugar diet with one cheat day a week is suiting me. It's not easy, but I feel strong and healthy-- and my abs are more visible than they've ever been. I'm in the middle of week three, and I'm hoping to make it at least a month so I can see where I am then.

But I think I need to get out of the house a bit more, or at least invite people over. I never mind being alone, but I do experience the sensation of missing friends. I feel like I haven't had much social interaction in some time. I'm handling Bernie's absense-- which has just hit the ten-month mark --pretty well, but I get into waves where I feel it more keenly than usual. I should make a point to make plans with people to keep it in check. The only remedy for missing people is to reach out and arrange to see them.
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At the end of my first week of my new exercise plan, my body is shockingly sore. I'm really surprised to be in this much pain. I didn't think the new stuff would be that much different than my previous regime. But my thighs and my back, of all things, are killing me. My new routine is mostly ab-focused, and while my abs feels fine, it's common for when the abs wear out in the course of a workout the back muscles engage to compensate. 😝

Otherwise I mostly feel healthy and good. It hasn't been hard to hold to the new diet, as I like eating mostly meat and vegetables, especially with the one cheat meal built in. But my muscles really hurt. I don't think it's any injury, just being ripped up from the effort, but it's been a while since exercise-induced muscle soreness bothered me this much. I actually ate some Advil today, which I usually don't use for anything except migraines and cramps. It used to help a lot to get massages, but without Bernie, it's tough to arrange without paying for it.

I think I am reluctantly going to make today the rest day for week two. I hate starting off the new week with one, as that means it's gone already, but I think I need it. One the positive side, if I'm feeling it this much, probably means it's working.
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This is the last week of ballet classes for the summer, which means I'm going to need to rethink my workout habits from now until September. I've also been feeling weirdly uncomfortable with my figure lately, and doing things that make me feel healthy, strong, and like my weight is under under control make me feel better about that stuff.

As anyone who's known me for more than five minutes knows, I've always wanted washboard abs. I've never quite been able to achieve them, but I've never actually stuck with a program long enough to see if it would really work. I have to be careful with this stuff, to make sure I don't do anything unhealthy, but since I need to rework my exercise plan anyway, I want to give it a serious shot. I've got a system I'd like to give a try, which involves an eating plan as well. It's a lot of work and willpower-- I'm better at doing the exercises than I am at following dietary directives. Not that I don't eat pretty carefully anyway, but with my love of Coke and chai lattes, I've always had way too much sugar.

But I just love abs so much, and I've never really had them. I'm old enough that if I don't get serious soon, I'll never know what it's like to have them. Yeah, I may just not have the genetics for it. I know people who work out less and eat less carefully than I do who already have them. But if the only thing that's standing between me and the belly of my dreams is sticking to a diet and exercise plan for a month, I would kick myself if I never actually did it once in my life.
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On Monday I went for a run through the cemetary, since I didn't have a workout and I didn't have a lot of time. It was the first warm (or warmer, as it was only forty-five or so) day I'd gone running in a while, so, without the threat of those cold-air-induced asthma-like symptoms, I decided to challenge myself. Normally, given how cold it's been, I take it at a fairly easy jog, so that I can make it there and back without my lungs siezing. But this time I wanted to see just how fast I could take it.

So I set a timer, and took off. I always have a bit of a mental block against going physically all-out; I'm always afraid I'm going to burn myself out before I finish whatever challenge I'm trying to get through, so my instinct is to ration my energy. But I wanted to see where I was at the top of my capability.

I was pleased to find I did really well! I made it from gate to gate in just under seven minutes! Better than I thought I would do, especially since technically that span is actually 1.1 miles, and it's all up and down hills. I used the downhills to speed me, of course, but I also had the ups to contend with, so it averages out. I usually do it in around nine, so that's a heck of a difference. It made me feel strong.

I've also been doing well with my ballet dancing. I've been a bit concerned, as my schedule has required me to miss so many classes lately, but I seem to be dancing well every time I have made it. Ballet is difficult and takes years and years, so I wouldn't say I've gotten to the point where I'm good, but I do see definite improvement in myself and am gaining in strength, precision, and balance. I joke that I have moved on to be able to attempt to fix more of my inadequacies than I was before. Until recently I'd struggled so hard just to do things like maintain balance and keep my legs' form that my problems with my shoulders were basically a lost cause. Whenever I'm tense or focusing, my shoulders go up around my ears, but ballet shoulders must be "relaxed". Well, making them "relax" is a hell of a lot of work for me! But it all comes in stages; I struggled a lot with the shape of my arms a lot at first too, but they've gotten hugely better in the three and a half years I've been at it. This will come too.
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Blah. Felt yucky all week, physically at least. Not sure why, just a general bodily "off"-ness. Weird given how fit I've been, but there it is. I wonder if maybe I haven't been eating right for the level of activity I've had lately. I've been working out like crazy lately, with some added stuff like shoveling approximately 450 cubic feet of snow the other night. I know haven't been eating all that great. That usually only happens when I'm busy, or on occasions like recently when the snow means I haven't been getting to the grocery store and there's nothing all that nutritive in the house. Yesterday I was feeling so yucky and lazy I just had crackers for dinner, which I find comforting but ultimately gross.

Maybe I should be eating more than usual with all that activity, and I'm certain I haven't been getting much protein. I crave protein like a zombie craves brains; even non-animal sources tend to not make me feel as healthy. Normally neither of those is a problem for me but I think it hits me hard when my intake is down and my output is up. I don't have much in the way of reserves to fall back on. I got told by a doctor recently that my metabolism is actually fast enough that if I ever need general anesthetic, there's a real danger of my waking up on the operating table, so I guess it's not a stretch to think that I'd also be really sensitive to a caloric imbalance.

I'm busy tomorrow, so I may struggle through one more day of this if I can't get something healthy at work. Friday is pretty free, however, so that I will make sure I stock up on healthy groceries and get some meat into me. I'm a little tired of feeling yucky, but I suppose one can have worse problems than those that can be solved by "eat more stuff." Oh, no! My metabolism is SO FAST YOU GUYS. IT'S AWFUL. ONLY HAM CAN SAVE ME NOW.
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My landlord is obligated by my lease to plow my driveway. Today he did not, and we got something like eighteen inches of snow. I have to go to work tomorrow. I had to talk to my mean downstairs neighbor about moving his car from the bottom of the driveway tomorrow so I can leave. I was pretty enraged, and feeling a profound lack of control.

So I cleared my driveway. From the front of my car to the back of my neighbor's. Roughly sixty feet.



For sixty feet, four feet at the narrowest across and six at the widest. So call it five. Eighteen inches deep. In two hours. I DID THIS. By myself. You do the math. All five feet and two inches, hundred and fifteen pounds, twenty percent body fat of me. YOU DO THE MATH. In case you have forgotten who I am, and just what I am capable of. I am a SUPERHERO, and I CAN DO ANYTHING.

Tell your friends, tell you enemies, so that they may tremble.
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Whenever I feel bad, I should just go run to the end of the cemetary and back. It makes me feel strong. I'm not exactly sure why; it's not like I do it that easily. I get tired and get side stickers, even though it's probably not even two miles. But I can push through and do it, which makes me feel strong. For some reason I like it best when I go at night when it's dark, and I don't see any other person.

I look out at the Charles where it runs next to the cemetary, with the lights from the old Industrial-era watch factory reflecting off the water, and I imagine I'm Mrs. Hawking in her stealth suit, running along the rooftops of London. I imagine I'm Diana Aurelia, once a champion of an empire, now in rebellion tearing it down, charging into the battle beside a man as beautiful as a god. It's stupid, but it makes me feel powerful, like I can do things, handle things. It's a shame it's getting colder. I get weird asthmatic symptoms when I breathe too much cold air when I exert myself. (Is that common? Does that happen to everybody? It probably does.) But this helps deal with the depression.


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