Wow. This clicks for me in a very deep way - I know exactly what you're talking about, both in the attitude you remember holding in high school and the idea of the fear of testing other people's love. It's probably a large part of why I feel the way I do about relationships, and why I don't go out of my way to seek them out, even when I'm lonely. It's partially that arrogance, that lofty feeling of not needing anyone, but it's also that deep fear that I'm not nearly desirable enough to be worth the burden that loving me would be.