I think some of us have been brought with such a stubborn streak of independence - not in a desire to be free of all people, but in a sense of being completely self-sufficient. We strive so hard to -not- want or need things from other people as a result of that drive. We want to know we stand on our own two feet and don't lean on anyone. As you point out, though, when it transcends beyond the level of physical things and into the realms of emotional and spiritual things, that desire to not lean on anyone else for anything else leads to being cut off and disconnected from others.

But as we grow and mature we learn that while it's okay to express the capability of self-sufficiency, we don't always have to exert the self-sufficiency itself. That we can pick and choose to reach out and to connect and, that like the two halves of an arch, by leaning on others, they lean on us, and those connections make something stronger than any individual.

We build social networks, where 'net' is the important part of the word. We build relationships and partnerships and we let ourselves develop weak points so that others can get through to us, just as they do for us too.

And we're okay doing this, because now we know that we -can- be independent, but we don't -have- to be. We have the tools to stand up straight if the support falls down. We learn that you can want things without expecting them, and that if you don't get them, we can make do for ourselves.

But all that said, I too still have a ridiculously hard time identifying what I want and asking for it.