As the others say above, I want to thank you for sharing this with us. It could not have been easy to hold it inside, but I know it is often harder to open up. We are all here for you and I would encourage you to keep talking about your thoughts and fears with those you love and trust, even if you chose to pursue a counselor or therapist. I'm going to be around you a lot this coming year, so please let me know if I can do anything to be of help or comfort. I'm always ready to listen or talk or give a hug or a back massage. You're worth it.