Ruining my thesis

[breakinglight11]

Well, exactly what I was afraid would happen has occurred. I just got my second assignment packet for school back and just as I feared, my teacher was not impressed. I knew it wasn't any good. It's been so hard to focus when I'm so screwed up from everything that's gone wrong in the last few months. I'm not sure how to fix this. It could just be my upset talking, but I'm not even sure I believe in the piece anymore. I know it's no good but I don't know how to make it any better. This is my thesis, the last semester I need to complete in order to get my masters, and I'm terrified it's going to end up being garbage. I need to finish this, write a good piece and get my degree-- every other important thing in my life is a mess right now, work, love, family, so I can't screw this up too. It was suggested to me that I tell my adviser at least something about what's going on with me, so I did just now, but it feels like such an excuse. What's she going to do, give me a pity degree? Her knowing my life is a mess isn't going to make my writing any better.

I feel so discouraged right now.

Comments

[vortexofchaos.livejournal.com]

You know that you can do this.

I keep telling myself the trick to handling the Vortex of Chaos is to use judo, to take the swirling forces of my life in an utter mess and use them. I can't hit them head on, because I'll go under. But, I can grab hold of them and nudge them in a new direction. I can pivot the angst around and push it in my writing, to produce the drama and characters I need, thus lessening their force in my life.

So I keep telling myself.

Sometimes it even works.