breakinglight11 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
breakinglight11) wrote2016-03-08 04:00 pm
breakinglight11) wrote2016-03-08 04:00 pm
Entry tags:
Bad repeat
I've developed a bit of a bad habit recently that, when I make a mistake or when things go wrong, I start mentally beating myself up more than is strictly appropriate. Even for small errors, happening by fluke and without huge consequences, seem to start up a stream of kicking myself for being stupid or careless for letting it happen. I'm not sure why, especially since I still don't think I'm that much of a screwup, but it's started a lot of negativity in my brain that isn't healthy for someone of my already fairly pessimistic disposition.
Honestly, I've always found a little bit of self-recrimination to be an effective motivator; a few sharp words to myself sometimes makes me focus and pull myself together when I'm not on top of my shit, and it doesn't really affect my actual self-image as a smart and capable person. But lately it's been set off by the smallest things, and the intensity has not been comparable to the scale of the errors. I really want to cut that off at the pass, as even though I tend to not actually think such mean things about myself, it can't be good for my brain to be repeating them constantly.
I have a touch of perfectionism that I usually do a pretty good job of tamping down, but lately I've felt kind of constantly that I'm not doing enough. Like I should be using my time more effectively, that I'm scrambling and finishing everything at the last moment, even though the results would suggest that I'm on top of stuff. But when I break my tasks down into smaller pieces to do a piece at the time, I feel like I'm putting off finishing the work, and when I try to do the task all at once, I feel I've not budgeted my time correctly. I'm pretty certain it's not reasonable, but I sure as hell wish I could do a better job talking myself out of feeling that way.
Honestly, I've always found a little bit of self-recrimination to be an effective motivator; a few sharp words to myself sometimes makes me focus and pull myself together when I'm not on top of my shit, and it doesn't really affect my actual self-image as a smart and capable person. But lately it's been set off by the smallest things, and the intensity has not been comparable to the scale of the errors. I really want to cut that off at the pass, as even though I tend to not actually think such mean things about myself, it can't be good for my brain to be repeating them constantly.
I have a touch of perfectionism that I usually do a pretty good job of tamping down, but lately I've felt kind of constantly that I'm not doing enough. Like I should be using my time more effectively, that I'm scrambling and finishing everything at the last moment, even though the results would suggest that I'm on top of stuff. But when I break my tasks down into smaller pieces to do a piece at the time, I feel like I'm putting off finishing the work, and when I try to do the task all at once, I feel I've not budgeted my time correctly. I'm pretty certain it's not reasonable, but I sure as hell wish I could do a better job talking myself out of feeling that way.