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breakinglight11) wrote2020-05-29 06:55 pm
breakinglight11) wrote2020-05-29 06:55 pm
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“His Part to Play” - 8. Mr. Carter
Forever Captain:
“His Part to Play”
By Phoebe Roberts
~~~
Summary: “Steve Rogers has retired to the 1940s to build a new life with Peggy. In leaving behind the mantle of Captain America, at last he’s got a measure of peace. Still, Steve will never stop feeling the responsibility to step up as a hero— except he's not sure how much power his actions have at this point in the timeline. Somehow he must reconcile his new life and identity with the responsibility and burden of being a hero out of time.”
Previous chapters:
1. Lost Time
2. Building
3. Reaching
4. Bonds
5. Ghost
6. Stag Night
7. Wingmen
Chapter summary: Steve and Peggy begin their married life together, but exceptional people never quite become ordinary, even when they try.
“His Part to Play”
By Phoebe Roberts
~~~
Summary: “Steve Rogers has retired to the 1940s to build a new life with Peggy. In leaving behind the mantle of Captain America, at last he’s got a measure of peace. Still, Steve will never stop feeling the responsibility to step up as a hero— except he's not sure how much power his actions have at this point in the timeline. Somehow he must reconcile his new life and identity with the responsibility and burden of being a hero out of time.”
Previous chapters:
1. Lost Time
2. Building
3. Reaching
4. Bonds
5. Ghost
6. Stag Night
7. Wingmen
Chapter summary: Steve and Peggy begin their married life together, but exceptional people never quite become ordinary, even when they try.
~~~
8. Mr. Carter
They got a house just outside the city center, a short ride in to Peggy’s work on the train. It had been a long time since Steve had lived anywhere that really felt like a home to him— since his mother’s death in Brooklyn, to life on the road with the USO, to the military camps during the war, to the overblown extravagance of Avengers Tower, to the sterile accommodations provided by SHIELD, to his time on the run with Natasha. To say nothing of the melancholy, holding-pattern years after the snap. But this place was quietly comfortable, nothing fancy, neither sprawling nor cramped, with a chimney and a yard. To Steve’s sensibility, it was exactly what a house should be like.
When they agreed to take it, they took the train ride out just to be in it, walk through the rooms, picture their lives there. “Do you really like it?” Peggy was asking. “I know you’re a city mouse. But I grew up with a bit of the country. Could you imagine yourself living here?”
“Hmmm,” he murmured, turning on the radio he spied in the corner and tuning for a moment. “Let’s see how it feels.” Luck was with him, and before long he’d found the perfect song. He stood and turned to Peggy, extending his hand to her. She smiled and moved in close, but he kept the one hand extended and wrapped the other around her. He could see the shock and joy dawning on her face as he turned her smoothly around the living room in an easy, swaying waltz.
“Where did this come from?” she murmured, face pressing against his chest.
Steve smiled. “I’ve been practicing. Didn’t want to disappoint my best girl.”
They danced together in each other’s arms, to the strains of “It’s Been a Long, Long Time,” and not for the first time, Steve marveled that he was here.
They settled quickly into making their new home their own. It turned out he had an eye for color and arranging furniture. Peggy was surprised, in a way that left him vaguely put out.
“I did go to art school,” he said, in defense of his honor.
“Well, forgive me,” she answered, holding up her hands in surrender. “That I didn’t think a man who spent his life hurling a shield would have any opinions on the drapes.”
“You know, in the twenty-first century, folks try to move past that kind of pigeonholing. How’d you like me to assume you did give a damn about drapes?”
“Fair. But I think cutting any more slack to the uniformed brutes I deal with on a daily basis is the last thing I need to do.”
He couldn’t help but grin as he pulled her close for a kiss. “I guess you’d know. You’re the career soldier, not me.”
It had been a long time since he’d had a job outside of military or government service, but Steve was determined to put that firmly behind him. He took up freelance illustration work, from a studio they set up in a spare bedroom of their house. On a drafting table in the sunbeam of an east-facing window, he would sketch diagrams for textbooks and covers for dime store novels, eventually finding a regular engagement in comic books. Peggy got a kick out of the idea that he was drawing somebody else’s idea of superheroes; when he started working on Superman, she’d laughed herself silly.
It was not all smooth sailing, fitting into a neighborhood of regular folks in 1948. It was inevitable that people found them a little strange. Most of the women had work of some kind or another— a few had even been Rosies who kept up their factory or office jobs —but they looked slightly askance at how his kept him at home while Peggy’s took her into the city every day. And Peggy’s accent, coupled with their tendency to seek out different sorts of people rather than sticking to their own kind, raised a few eyebrows. It was a particular adjustment for Steve, for whom the biases and baggage of postwar life stood out to him all the more strongly since his immersion in the twenty-first century.
But he was determined to live on his own terms, friendly and welcoming to everyone he met, holding no patience for anyone who wasn’t. Fortunately, people tended to like him on short acquaintance— “Gee whiz, wonder why?” Howard had grumbled —and he set the tone of openness in all his interactions. He made an effort to know his neighbors, with dropped off gifts of home baked pies and handmade spice racks. He joined a local softball team, and made a point of inviting the women and people of color in the neighborhood to play with them too. One of the things he’d missed most in the future was the sense of local community, and he was determined to rediscover it in his new life now.
He had particular success with their veteran status. Once people heard they’d met in the service, all kinds of stories came out. Folks shared their joys and their triumphs, the tough times they’d endured and the people they’d lost. Steve’s frankness to discuss the things he’d seen in war seemed to make other feel safe enough to talk— sometimes about things they’d never had before. It even led to the couple at the far end of their block, Don and Rebecca Hayward, revealing to them that she was a Nisei whose birth name was Rishun Murikawa, and they too had met in the army. Don had been a supply clerk due to training as an accountant; Rishun had been on active duty assigned to a special unit. She was vague on the details of that unit, but Steve had done enough special service of his own to suspect he might be talking to a kindred spirit. From her discretion, Steve surmised that she, also like him, had left it all behind in retirement.
He made an effort to keep in training, just in case. He made a point of hitting the boxing gym three times a week, and though he quickly got on the good side of the big, rough men that frequented the place, he had to tread carefully. He could pass off most of his capability as military training, but if he ever cut loose and punched a speed bag across the room, there would be questions he did not want to answer.
It was more for emergencies than anything else. If he were ever found out, there could be trouble, trouble he would not be able to talk his way out of. But in the back of his mind, he knew he also wanted to be ready in case Peggy ever needed something. She was more active in the field than ever, building her career and serving her country as a covert agent. He knew that she was often in tight situations, sometimes very dire. On occasion she would be gone for days at a time, when the objectives took her away or when missions got complicated. But no matter what she was taking on at any given time, one thing she never did was ask for his help.
He hadn’t precisely been expecting her to, but he knew what her work entailed, and during the war they’d operated together as a well-honed team. But even when she confided in him about her current endeavors, sometimes beyond the limits of what confidentiality ought to call for, she never asked for any support or involvement on his part. From Jarvis, she asked, even Howard on occasion. But not him. It was striking enough that eventually Steve felt obligated to ask her why.
“I’m not saying you need me. I know you can take care of your own business. But I did wonder if… you were afraid to, for some reason.”
She seemed surprised by the question. “I’m not about to expose you to them— not to the government, not to the SSR. Even if you hadn’t told me there would be a HYDRA infiltration at some point, you’d never have a moment’s peace. If they knew you were back…” She shook her head, as if the possibility was too infuriating to contemplate.
“That’s fair.” He reached out and took hold of her hand. “But I don’t want you to think you can’t count on me. Not if you really need me.”
“No.” Her fingers tightened around his, and she spoke the word with the finality of a vault door slamming shut. “You’ve done enough. My work might not be over, but this isn’t on you anymore. Not after everything you’ve been through.” She softened enough to allow herself a smile. “Besides, you’ve only just retired. At least give yourself a chance before you decide you’re bored of it.”
But Steve was far from bored. This was what he’d been working to build. Life finally had a shape to it, a rhythm they had settled into that felt comfortable and right. So of course, that was when they learned that Peggy was pregnant.
It was the morning sickness that really gave it away. Peggy had been on all manner of planes, trains, ships, and automobiles without the slightest issue with nausea. But when fifteen minutes on the Staten Island ferry did her in, it was clear something was up. Still, the possibility didn’t occur to Peggy until Angie made note that she wasn’t much for her usual morning eggs lately.
“Just like a newlywed,” Angie teased. “Don’t take long before you’ve got yourself knocked up.” She may have been joking, but after a few weeks of this, it was off to the doctor for a rabbit test.
He had to confess, their first reaction was not unqualified joy— particularly for Peggy. They had not been expecting it; certainly they had not been trying for it. She had challenges enough being taken seriously in her work, even after everything she’d accomplished. A pregnant agent on active duty was unheard of. And when the baby was born, how would motherhood fit in?
“I hadn’t been planning to take time off to bring up a baby,” she said, raking her nails through her loosened hair. Her fear was so palpable, her uncertainty so vast, that Steve couldn’t bear it. Not after having sworn to see that he gave her the life she wanted. It was enough in that moment to make up his mind.
“You don’t have to,” he said. “I will.”
She glanced up at him, eyes wide. He was surprised at her surprise, that it seemed to not occur to her. But as forward-thinking a woman she was, she hadn’t had the benefit of living through a completely different culture to adjust her mindset the way he had.
“You?” she said, skeptical. “You would be the one to raise the child at home?”
“I’d hope we’d raise it together,” he chuckled. “But I could be the one to stay home with it. In the twenty-first century, men do it all the time.”
She considered that, eyeing him. “Really? All the time?”
He sighed. “Well, no. But some men do. And I think I could.”
She laughed a little, shaking her curls. “What do you know about babies?”
“About as much as you do. But I figure we could learn.” He pulled her close into his arms. “Most people do, don’t they? After all, they let just anybody have them.”
Peggy laid her head against his chest and was silent for a moment. Then, “Was this something you wanted for us?”
“Honestly I hadn’t thought of it in a while. Feels a little silly now. But when I used to imagine a life, and making one with you… yeah, I imagined us with kids.” He chuckled. “Maybe not this minute, but… maybe by now, I should know better than to try and guess what’s coming for me.”
He tipped up her chin so that she would look at him. “And you?”
He knew what the answer had been for her in his previous timeline— or at least, what it had seemed to be when she’d made a life with another man. That she’d been a mother as that other version of herself had been one of the few things about her life there she’d allowed herself to know. But what if things were different now? What if there had been some secret regret in her twenty-first century self that she’d never allowed him to see?
He could see the distress in her eyes. “It isn’t that I don’t, Steve. I think it’s something I’ve wanted since I was a girl. But now that I’ve found my work… I don’t think I can live without it. It’s already hard enough to push through all the nonsense and the bias against me. And it won’t be any easier with the demands of a child on top of it all. What if I can’t manage it? What if I can’t keep it all up?” Her breath hitched, and his guts twisted. “Do I fail my baby… or myself?”
He could have reassured her with his knowledge from the future then. That she’d founded an entire organization, served as its director, and retired a living legend among the people that fought to keep the world safe. And she’d done it all with two children, who had grown up strong and smart and happy.
He tightened his arms around her. “Peggy,” he said at last. “I will do everything in my power to support you. I promise you, I will see you have your career.”
That moment resolved him. Promises about an uncertain future in a different world were nothing. All that was real was what he could do now.
~~~
Next chapter: 9. Smoke Gets In Your Eyes
8. Mr. Carter
They got a house just outside the city center, a short ride in to Peggy’s work on the train. It had been a long time since Steve had lived anywhere that really felt like a home to him— since his mother’s death in Brooklyn, to life on the road with the USO, to the military camps during the war, to the overblown extravagance of Avengers Tower, to the sterile accommodations provided by SHIELD, to his time on the run with Natasha. To say nothing of the melancholy, holding-pattern years after the snap. But this place was quietly comfortable, nothing fancy, neither sprawling nor cramped, with a chimney and a yard. To Steve’s sensibility, it was exactly what a house should be like.
When they agreed to take it, they took the train ride out just to be in it, walk through the rooms, picture their lives there. “Do you really like it?” Peggy was asking. “I know you’re a city mouse. But I grew up with a bit of the country. Could you imagine yourself living here?”
“Hmmm,” he murmured, turning on the radio he spied in the corner and tuning for a moment. “Let’s see how it feels.” Luck was with him, and before long he’d found the perfect song. He stood and turned to Peggy, extending his hand to her. She smiled and moved in close, but he kept the one hand extended and wrapped the other around her. He could see the shock and joy dawning on her face as he turned her smoothly around the living room in an easy, swaying waltz.
“Where did this come from?” she murmured, face pressing against his chest.
Steve smiled. “I’ve been practicing. Didn’t want to disappoint my best girl.”
They danced together in each other’s arms, to the strains of “It’s Been a Long, Long Time,” and not for the first time, Steve marveled that he was here.
They settled quickly into making their new home their own. It turned out he had an eye for color and arranging furniture. Peggy was surprised, in a way that left him vaguely put out.
“I did go to art school,” he said, in defense of his honor.
“Well, forgive me,” she answered, holding up her hands in surrender. “That I didn’t think a man who spent his life hurling a shield would have any opinions on the drapes.”
“You know, in the twenty-first century, folks try to move past that kind of pigeonholing. How’d you like me to assume you did give a damn about drapes?”
“Fair. But I think cutting any more slack to the uniformed brutes I deal with on a daily basis is the last thing I need to do.”
He couldn’t help but grin as he pulled her close for a kiss. “I guess you’d know. You’re the career soldier, not me.”
It had been a long time since he’d had a job outside of military or government service, but Steve was determined to put that firmly behind him. He took up freelance illustration work, from a studio they set up in a spare bedroom of their house. On a drafting table in the sunbeam of an east-facing window, he would sketch diagrams for textbooks and covers for dime store novels, eventually finding a regular engagement in comic books. Peggy got a kick out of the idea that he was drawing somebody else’s idea of superheroes; when he started working on Superman, she’d laughed herself silly.
It was not all smooth sailing, fitting into a neighborhood of regular folks in 1948. It was inevitable that people found them a little strange. Most of the women had work of some kind or another— a few had even been Rosies who kept up their factory or office jobs —but they looked slightly askance at how his kept him at home while Peggy’s took her into the city every day. And Peggy’s accent, coupled with their tendency to seek out different sorts of people rather than sticking to their own kind, raised a few eyebrows. It was a particular adjustment for Steve, for whom the biases and baggage of postwar life stood out to him all the more strongly since his immersion in the twenty-first century.
But he was determined to live on his own terms, friendly and welcoming to everyone he met, holding no patience for anyone who wasn’t. Fortunately, people tended to like him on short acquaintance— “Gee whiz, wonder why?” Howard had grumbled —and he set the tone of openness in all his interactions. He made an effort to know his neighbors, with dropped off gifts of home baked pies and handmade spice racks. He joined a local softball team, and made a point of inviting the women and people of color in the neighborhood to play with them too. One of the things he’d missed most in the future was the sense of local community, and he was determined to rediscover it in his new life now.
He had particular success with their veteran status. Once people heard they’d met in the service, all kinds of stories came out. Folks shared their joys and their triumphs, the tough times they’d endured and the people they’d lost. Steve’s frankness to discuss the things he’d seen in war seemed to make other feel safe enough to talk— sometimes about things they’d never had before. It even led to the couple at the far end of their block, Don and Rebecca Hayward, revealing to them that she was a Nisei whose birth name was Rishun Murikawa, and they too had met in the army. Don had been a supply clerk due to training as an accountant; Rishun had been on active duty assigned to a special unit. She was vague on the details of that unit, but Steve had done enough special service of his own to suspect he might be talking to a kindred spirit. From her discretion, Steve surmised that she, also like him, had left it all behind in retirement.
He made an effort to keep in training, just in case. He made a point of hitting the boxing gym three times a week, and though he quickly got on the good side of the big, rough men that frequented the place, he had to tread carefully. He could pass off most of his capability as military training, but if he ever cut loose and punched a speed bag across the room, there would be questions he did not want to answer.
It was more for emergencies than anything else. If he were ever found out, there could be trouble, trouble he would not be able to talk his way out of. But in the back of his mind, he knew he also wanted to be ready in case Peggy ever needed something. She was more active in the field than ever, building her career and serving her country as a covert agent. He knew that she was often in tight situations, sometimes very dire. On occasion she would be gone for days at a time, when the objectives took her away or when missions got complicated. But no matter what she was taking on at any given time, one thing she never did was ask for his help.
He hadn’t precisely been expecting her to, but he knew what her work entailed, and during the war they’d operated together as a well-honed team. But even when she confided in him about her current endeavors, sometimes beyond the limits of what confidentiality ought to call for, she never asked for any support or involvement on his part. From Jarvis, she asked, even Howard on occasion. But not him. It was striking enough that eventually Steve felt obligated to ask her why.
“I’m not saying you need me. I know you can take care of your own business. But I did wonder if… you were afraid to, for some reason.”
She seemed surprised by the question. “I’m not about to expose you to them— not to the government, not to the SSR. Even if you hadn’t told me there would be a HYDRA infiltration at some point, you’d never have a moment’s peace. If they knew you were back…” She shook her head, as if the possibility was too infuriating to contemplate.
“That’s fair.” He reached out and took hold of her hand. “But I don’t want you to think you can’t count on me. Not if you really need me.”
“No.” Her fingers tightened around his, and she spoke the word with the finality of a vault door slamming shut. “You’ve done enough. My work might not be over, but this isn’t on you anymore. Not after everything you’ve been through.” She softened enough to allow herself a smile. “Besides, you’ve only just retired. At least give yourself a chance before you decide you’re bored of it.”
But Steve was far from bored. This was what he’d been working to build. Life finally had a shape to it, a rhythm they had settled into that felt comfortable and right. So of course, that was when they learned that Peggy was pregnant.
It was the morning sickness that really gave it away. Peggy had been on all manner of planes, trains, ships, and automobiles without the slightest issue with nausea. But when fifteen minutes on the Staten Island ferry did her in, it was clear something was up. Still, the possibility didn’t occur to Peggy until Angie made note that she wasn’t much for her usual morning eggs lately.
“Just like a newlywed,” Angie teased. “Don’t take long before you’ve got yourself knocked up.” She may have been joking, but after a few weeks of this, it was off to the doctor for a rabbit test.
He had to confess, their first reaction was not unqualified joy— particularly for Peggy. They had not been expecting it; certainly they had not been trying for it. She had challenges enough being taken seriously in her work, even after everything she’d accomplished. A pregnant agent on active duty was unheard of. And when the baby was born, how would motherhood fit in?
“I hadn’t been planning to take time off to bring up a baby,” she said, raking her nails through her loosened hair. Her fear was so palpable, her uncertainty so vast, that Steve couldn’t bear it. Not after having sworn to see that he gave her the life she wanted. It was enough in that moment to make up his mind.
“You don’t have to,” he said. “I will.”
She glanced up at him, eyes wide. He was surprised at her surprise, that it seemed to not occur to her. But as forward-thinking a woman she was, she hadn’t had the benefit of living through a completely different culture to adjust her mindset the way he had.
“You?” she said, skeptical. “You would be the one to raise the child at home?”
“I’d hope we’d raise it together,” he chuckled. “But I could be the one to stay home with it. In the twenty-first century, men do it all the time.”
She considered that, eyeing him. “Really? All the time?”
He sighed. “Well, no. But some men do. And I think I could.”
She laughed a little, shaking her curls. “What do you know about babies?”
“About as much as you do. But I figure we could learn.” He pulled her close into his arms. “Most people do, don’t they? After all, they let just anybody have them.”
Peggy laid her head against his chest and was silent for a moment. Then, “Was this something you wanted for us?”
“Honestly I hadn’t thought of it in a while. Feels a little silly now. But when I used to imagine a life, and making one with you… yeah, I imagined us with kids.” He chuckled. “Maybe not this minute, but… maybe by now, I should know better than to try and guess what’s coming for me.”
He tipped up her chin so that she would look at him. “And you?”
He knew what the answer had been for her in his previous timeline— or at least, what it had seemed to be when she’d made a life with another man. That she’d been a mother as that other version of herself had been one of the few things about her life there she’d allowed herself to know. But what if things were different now? What if there had been some secret regret in her twenty-first century self that she’d never allowed him to see?
He could see the distress in her eyes. “It isn’t that I don’t, Steve. I think it’s something I’ve wanted since I was a girl. But now that I’ve found my work… I don’t think I can live without it. It’s already hard enough to push through all the nonsense and the bias against me. And it won’t be any easier with the demands of a child on top of it all. What if I can’t manage it? What if I can’t keep it all up?” Her breath hitched, and his guts twisted. “Do I fail my baby… or myself?”
He could have reassured her with his knowledge from the future then. That she’d founded an entire organization, served as its director, and retired a living legend among the people that fought to keep the world safe. And she’d done it all with two children, who had grown up strong and smart and happy.
He tightened his arms around her. “Peggy,” he said at last. “I will do everything in my power to support you. I promise you, I will see you have your career.”
That moment resolved him. Promises about an uncertain future in a different world were nothing. All that was real was what he could do now.
~~~
Next chapter: 9. Smoke Gets In Your Eyes