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breakinglight11) wrote2020-07-12 07:00 pm
breakinglight11) wrote2020-07-12 07:00 pm
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“His Part to Play” - 9. Smoke Gets In Your Eyes
Forever Captain:
“His Part to Play”
By Phoebe Roberts
~~~
Summary: “Steve Rogers has retired to the 1940s to build a new life with Peggy. In leaving behind the mantle of Captain America, at last he’s got a measure of peace. Still, Steve will never stop feeling the responsibility to step up as a hero— except he's not sure how much power his actions have at this point in the timeline. Somehow he must reconcile his new life and identity with the responsibility and burden of being a hero out of time.”
Previous chapters:
1. Lost Time
2. Building
3. Reaching
4. Bonds
5. Ghost
6. Stag Night
7. Wingmen
8. Mr. Carter
Chapter summary: Steve and Peggy tell people about their pregnancy, and Steve works out his fears.
“His Part to Play”
By Phoebe Roberts
~~~
Summary: “Steve Rogers has retired to the 1940s to build a new life with Peggy. In leaving behind the mantle of Captain America, at last he’s got a measure of peace. Still, Steve will never stop feeling the responsibility to step up as a hero— except he's not sure how much power his actions have at this point in the timeline. Somehow he must reconcile his new life and identity with the responsibility and burden of being a hero out of time.”
Previous chapters:
1. Lost Time
2. Building
3. Reaching
4. Bonds
5. Ghost
6. Stag Night
7. Wingmen
8. Mr. Carter
Chapter summary: Steve and Peggy tell people about their pregnancy, and Steve works out his fears.
~~~
9. Smoke Gets In Your Eyes
Pregnancy didn’t suit her. She was nauseous and dizzy through much of the first trimester, making fieldwork an increasing challenge. The changes to her appearance weighed on her, as she was determined to keep it from her colleagues as long as she possibly could. Fear of being marginalized in her work haunted her, making her reluctant to even let the likes of Thompson and Sousa know.
Peggy shared her fears with him one night, on the couch across from him with her feet in his lap. “Even if they don’t toss me right out, heaven knows they’ll start treating me like a china doll.”
“They just worry about you and want you to be okay.”
She eyed him. “Don’t you get any ideas, soldier. I can still handle myself enough to knock you on your arse, if you start trying to put me on a shelf for my own good.”
He chuckled. “You don’t need to tell me— or Thompson, I’d bet. I don’t think he’s dumb enough to forget.”
Still, Peggy did not feel particularly reassured. Steve understood, though he was worried more for a different reason. He hadn’t wanted to burden Peggy with it, given everything else she had to do deal with. But he knew he had to tell her, in case his fears actually did come to pass.
“Peg, do you ever wonder how… the baby will come out?”
She glanced up at him, confused. “What do you mean?”
Steve swallowed hard. “The procedure. You know it changed me. In some ways I don’t think anybody ever expected.”
Peggy smirked. “Better than they ever expected, as far as I can tell.”
But he didn’t smile. “But what is that going to mean for the baby?”
She considered. “I… I confess I hadn’t really thought about it. What with everything else. But Steve, it’s done nothing but good for you. If anything, don’t you think our baby would inherit something of your advantages?”
“I don’t know. And that’s the problem— nobody knows.” He shook his head. “A second-generation super soldier… as far as I know, that’s never happened before. And even if the baby’s fine, or better than fine…”
He trailed off, and Peggy sat up. “What?”
Steve swallowed. “If the wrong people find out about it—”
“They won’t.” Her tone was steel. “We’ll make sure of it.”
Steve slid to his knees and moved in close to her, winding their hands together in her lap. “Still. We don’t know how things will work out. What if there’s something wrong?”
Peggy took his face in her hands and leaned in to kiss his brow. “Then we’ll be there to see it through. Whatever that may be.”
It wasn’t enough to take away his fears, but her promise made him feel brave enough to face them.
When she was far enough along to have a little confidence, they started telling people. Just a few at a time, starting with those closest to them. Steve was strangely uncertain of their reactions, and found himself bracing every time.
Howard, of course, did not disappoint. “A baby? You got to be kidding me! Why would you do that to yourselves?”
“Truth is, we weren’t planning on it just yet. But we’re glad now that it’s happened.”
“Right, pal, you say that now. But you ever handled a sprout before? It’s like a bomb about to go off— they’re loud, they’re fragile, and they make a hell of a mess.”
“What do you know about kids, Howard?” Not much, if what little Tony had told him was to be believed.
“Even to know you’re in for it.” Howard sighed and threw up his hands extravagantly. “Can you imagine? You’ll make a pack of little blond Ubermenschen. The Fuhrer’s wet dream.”
Steve’s head snapped in his direction. “Hey!”
Howard held up his hands. “Sorry. Bad taste.”
Steve knew he was just joking, but it ate at him all the same. He supposed he should count himself lucky it was still quite a few years too early for a Von Trapp Family Singers crack. But there were people who would be thrilled to have a natural-born super soldier to examine like a lab rat. This went beyond his wish to leave Captain America behind him. It fired a fierceness in him that startled even him. Nothing like that was ever going to happen to his children. Nothing.
Howard relented a little at his annoyance. “Aw, it suits you, I guess. Playing papa, having a catch… teaching ‘em how to… stage a one-man invasion into enemy camp.”
“Is that what you think fathers do?” If he did, it might explain a few things.
But Howard just gave a careless shrug. “Doesn’t matter. You can bet I won’t be tying that millstone around my neck.”
Again his tone was lighthearted, but Steve couldn’t help but wonder. He smiled, in that way he’d learned to when he was a little sad. Was this why Howard would be so hard on the son he’d eventually come to have? “You sound pretty sure about that.”
Howard sank into his chair, fixing him with a glare. “What do you know, soldier?”
Steve thought of that brilliant, brazen, broken man who would change the world and then die to save it.
“Take it from me, Stark. Nobody knows where they’re headed.”
The Jarvises gave them the more traditional enthusiastic response. They had gone over for dinner, and gave the news over dessert. If Edwin was effusive, Ana was overjoyed, and the sheer warmth of it made them feel shockingly braced. Despite this, Steve had been a little warier about telling them based on some reading between the lines. As Ana took Peggy aside to regale her with plans for sewing baby clothes, Edwin took him out on the verandah for a celebratory cigar.
“I know you don’t indulge,” Jarvis said, snipping off the end of one. “But since it’s traditional, I hope you won’t mind if I do.”
Steve didn’t, so Jarvis struck a match and began to puff. “I’m thrilled for you, Steve.”
“Thank you.” He chuckled. “Though I can’t say I’m not scared.”
“I can’t blame you. After making the world safe for other people’s children, I can only imagine how daunting raising one must be.”
“I’m not sure that it’s the same skill set.” He sighed. “I’ll be honest, we hadn’t been planning on this. I’m glad, but… I’m can’t say that I’m ready.”
“Nobody ever is,” Jarvis said. “Not for something like that. Even for those of us who know they want it.”
Steve took that in, considering. Then finally he said, “If you don’t mind my asking, did you and Ana ever want any of your own?”
Jarvis smiled, and the bittersweet quality of it confirmed Steve’s suspicion. “Very much, in truth. We tried, for a long while, but for whatever reason, it never came to be.”
Steve’s brows knit. “I’m sorry.”
“Thank you. But we’ve had time to come to terms. There’s always been so much to do— so much to worry over —that I wonder if it isn’t for the best.”
“Still. Must have been hard.”
“I suppose.” Jarvis paused for a puff of his cigar, staring out into the dark. “But it makes me all the gladder when I hear the likes of you and Peggy will get the chance to do it.”
Steve’s breath caught a little in his throat, touched. “You think I’ll be any good at it?”
His friend chuckled behind the cigar. “Like you are at everything else?”
Steve snorted. “Really. It’s like you said— there’s always so much to worry about. I don’t know that much about kids, but… they ask a lot of you, don’t they? What if we’re not up to it? Or else…” He sucked a breath in through his teeth. “The other things interfere? What if I can’t protect it?”
Jarvis seemed to consider this a long time. “I can’t say what will happen if a life like yours has a child in it,” he said at last. “I know no parent can protect against everything. But I’ve seen how you’ve stood for those you felt responsible. If you could do that for so many in this world… I can only imagine what you’ve do for a child of your own.”
Jarvis paused a moment, as Steve caught his lower lip between his teeth. “And I can think of quite a few aunts and uncles who’d be more than happy to help.” He glanced over at Steve, who had turned away. “Oh, dear, I hope I haven’t—”
“It’s your damn cigar,” Steve chuckled, swiping his knuckles across his cheek. “Got smoke in my eyes.”
The other man smiled. “Yes. Mine too, I think.”
~~~
Next chapter: 10. Suiting Up
9. Smoke Gets In Your Eyes
Pregnancy didn’t suit her. She was nauseous and dizzy through much of the first trimester, making fieldwork an increasing challenge. The changes to her appearance weighed on her, as she was determined to keep it from her colleagues as long as she possibly could. Fear of being marginalized in her work haunted her, making her reluctant to even let the likes of Thompson and Sousa know.
Peggy shared her fears with him one night, on the couch across from him with her feet in his lap. “Even if they don’t toss me right out, heaven knows they’ll start treating me like a china doll.”
“They just worry about you and want you to be okay.”
She eyed him. “Don’t you get any ideas, soldier. I can still handle myself enough to knock you on your arse, if you start trying to put me on a shelf for my own good.”
He chuckled. “You don’t need to tell me— or Thompson, I’d bet. I don’t think he’s dumb enough to forget.”
Still, Peggy did not feel particularly reassured. Steve understood, though he was worried more for a different reason. He hadn’t wanted to burden Peggy with it, given everything else she had to do deal with. But he knew he had to tell her, in case his fears actually did come to pass.
“Peg, do you ever wonder how… the baby will come out?”
She glanced up at him, confused. “What do you mean?”
Steve swallowed hard. “The procedure. You know it changed me. In some ways I don’t think anybody ever expected.”
Peggy smirked. “Better than they ever expected, as far as I can tell.”
But he didn’t smile. “But what is that going to mean for the baby?”
She considered. “I… I confess I hadn’t really thought about it. What with everything else. But Steve, it’s done nothing but good for you. If anything, don’t you think our baby would inherit something of your advantages?”
“I don’t know. And that’s the problem— nobody knows.” He shook his head. “A second-generation super soldier… as far as I know, that’s never happened before. And even if the baby’s fine, or better than fine…”
He trailed off, and Peggy sat up. “What?”
Steve swallowed. “If the wrong people find out about it—”
“They won’t.” Her tone was steel. “We’ll make sure of it.”
Steve slid to his knees and moved in close to her, winding their hands together in her lap. “Still. We don’t know how things will work out. What if there’s something wrong?”
Peggy took his face in her hands and leaned in to kiss his brow. “Then we’ll be there to see it through. Whatever that may be.”
It wasn’t enough to take away his fears, but her promise made him feel brave enough to face them.
When she was far enough along to have a little confidence, they started telling people. Just a few at a time, starting with those closest to them. Steve was strangely uncertain of their reactions, and found himself bracing every time.
Howard, of course, did not disappoint. “A baby? You got to be kidding me! Why would you do that to yourselves?”
“Truth is, we weren’t planning on it just yet. But we’re glad now that it’s happened.”
“Right, pal, you say that now. But you ever handled a sprout before? It’s like a bomb about to go off— they’re loud, they’re fragile, and they make a hell of a mess.”
“What do you know about kids, Howard?” Not much, if what little Tony had told him was to be believed.
“Even to know you’re in for it.” Howard sighed and threw up his hands extravagantly. “Can you imagine? You’ll make a pack of little blond Ubermenschen. The Fuhrer’s wet dream.”
Steve’s head snapped in his direction. “Hey!”
Howard held up his hands. “Sorry. Bad taste.”
Steve knew he was just joking, but it ate at him all the same. He supposed he should count himself lucky it was still quite a few years too early for a Von Trapp Family Singers crack. But there were people who would be thrilled to have a natural-born super soldier to examine like a lab rat. This went beyond his wish to leave Captain America behind him. It fired a fierceness in him that startled even him. Nothing like that was ever going to happen to his children. Nothing.
Howard relented a little at his annoyance. “Aw, it suits you, I guess. Playing papa, having a catch… teaching ‘em how to… stage a one-man invasion into enemy camp.”
“Is that what you think fathers do?” If he did, it might explain a few things.
But Howard just gave a careless shrug. “Doesn’t matter. You can bet I won’t be tying that millstone around my neck.”
Again his tone was lighthearted, but Steve couldn’t help but wonder. He smiled, in that way he’d learned to when he was a little sad. Was this why Howard would be so hard on the son he’d eventually come to have? “You sound pretty sure about that.”
Howard sank into his chair, fixing him with a glare. “What do you know, soldier?”
Steve thought of that brilliant, brazen, broken man who would change the world and then die to save it.
“Take it from me, Stark. Nobody knows where they’re headed.”
The Jarvises gave them the more traditional enthusiastic response. They had gone over for dinner, and gave the news over dessert. If Edwin was effusive, Ana was overjoyed, and the sheer warmth of it made them feel shockingly braced. Despite this, Steve had been a little warier about telling them based on some reading between the lines. As Ana took Peggy aside to regale her with plans for sewing baby clothes, Edwin took him out on the verandah for a celebratory cigar.
“I know you don’t indulge,” Jarvis said, snipping off the end of one. “But since it’s traditional, I hope you won’t mind if I do.”
Steve didn’t, so Jarvis struck a match and began to puff. “I’m thrilled for you, Steve.”
“Thank you.” He chuckled. “Though I can’t say I’m not scared.”
“I can’t blame you. After making the world safe for other people’s children, I can only imagine how daunting raising one must be.”
“I’m not sure that it’s the same skill set.” He sighed. “I’ll be honest, we hadn’t been planning on this. I’m glad, but… I’m can’t say that I’m ready.”
“Nobody ever is,” Jarvis said. “Not for something like that. Even for those of us who know they want it.”
Steve took that in, considering. Then finally he said, “If you don’t mind my asking, did you and Ana ever want any of your own?”
Jarvis smiled, and the bittersweet quality of it confirmed Steve’s suspicion. “Very much, in truth. We tried, for a long while, but for whatever reason, it never came to be.”
Steve’s brows knit. “I’m sorry.”
“Thank you. But we’ve had time to come to terms. There’s always been so much to do— so much to worry over —that I wonder if it isn’t for the best.”
“Still. Must have been hard.”
“I suppose.” Jarvis paused for a puff of his cigar, staring out into the dark. “But it makes me all the gladder when I hear the likes of you and Peggy will get the chance to do it.”
Steve’s breath caught a little in his throat, touched. “You think I’ll be any good at it?”
His friend chuckled behind the cigar. “Like you are at everything else?”
Steve snorted. “Really. It’s like you said— there’s always so much to worry about. I don’t know that much about kids, but… they ask a lot of you, don’t they? What if we’re not up to it? Or else…” He sucked a breath in through his teeth. “The other things interfere? What if I can’t protect it?”
Jarvis seemed to consider this a long time. “I can’t say what will happen if a life like yours has a child in it,” he said at last. “I know no parent can protect against everything. But I’ve seen how you’ve stood for those you felt responsible. If you could do that for so many in this world… I can only imagine what you’ve do for a child of your own.”
Jarvis paused a moment, as Steve caught his lower lip between his teeth. “And I can think of quite a few aunts and uncles who’d be more than happy to help.” He glanced over at Steve, who had turned away. “Oh, dear, I hope I haven’t—”
“It’s your damn cigar,” Steve chuckled, swiping his knuckles across his cheek. “Got smoke in my eyes.”
The other man smiled. “Yes. Mine too, I think.”
~~~
Next chapter: 10. Suiting Up