All Eyes on Me

I very much share this system of values, and being in the program I am in, i've been doing some pretty scary self-honesty as well as self-disclosure on a regular basis this past year. I think that the feelings of shame that you mention are an inextricable part of the process, it is a way for us to determine what we can and cannot live with in ourselves. Eventually what is important is what I use that shame for. It is always tempting to use it for self-flagellation, to put myself down, to think of myself as a weak, selfish, undeserving person. But I think that doing that is acting out of that weakness and selfishness, because then, what I am doing is accepting it, allowing it to become who I am, condoning it. The far more difficult option is to use the shame to identify flaws, like a geiger counter, and to rip them out of myself any way I can. The self-disclosure actually helps with that. I think it is the same principle as the Catholic confession. Once I expose the flaw, it is out there, and I have admitted to it being a flaw, and it makes it so much more difficult to give in to my weaknesses and embrace them. It is shocking sometimes to others, because in our culture we are taught to put on a good front and not air our dirty laundry, but like toxins, keeping them inside will poison a body, and expelling them while painful, embarrassing, and unsightly, is far healthier.