All Eyes on Me

This October marks two years since Bernie and I moved in together at our current place in Newton. It’s been a wonderful change for me, living with Bernie after spending almost seven years long distance, and into a better space that feels more like mine after eleven years in my old place with roommates. I’ve been very happy there, but it’s only recently that we’ve finally reached a point where I feel like we have the house arranged and furnished the way I wanted it.

For a long while now, my dad has been planning to downsize to be able to move out of and sell our childhood home. It’s been slow, since he was still working full time until this past summer, and I think the emotional weight of moving onto the next life stage has had significant impact. But he offered me my pick of a lot of the furniture, and there were a number of pieces I wanted to move up to my place. The biggest one was, of course, the library shelves, a beautiful set of eleven wood segments that held Dad’s collection from the Easton Press, handsome leather bound books he’s been building up over the course of the last twenty years. I’ve always loved them— I think Dad went to the trouble with them so my brother and I could grow up around beautiful books and develop our respect for them —so I’d been hoping to bring them North since I moved.

The problem had been, however, convincing Dad to just let Bernie and I move them. I think he still thinks of me as the child I used to be who was too spacey to take good care of her things, so he kept trying to get us to use professional movers. Which then were all either too cheap and do a bad job or too expensive and screw us. It took a confluence of events plus Bernie carefully explaining a moving plan before he let us just do it ourselves. However, when he finally changed his mind, we weren’t expecting to do all that labor the weekend we went up to visit, so the enormity of the job threw our schedule into a tailspin we’re only just now digging ourselves out of. But it means we finally, finally, have the shelves we’ve been saving space for in our house for the last two years.



They’re really beautiful, particularly the set we’ve filled only with the nice leather books and tasteful art objects we’ve put in the living room. It makes for such a wow when you first turn in from the doorway. I’ve always had this fantasy of living in a home that didn’t make me feel like a college student just figuring things out, and finally the living room space fits that.

The other shelves are in my office and Bernie’s on the second floor; we don’t have any one space big enough to display them all together the way my parents did. But we needed the extra storage space, as even with the new books, the shelves enabled us to unpack some our of own books that had been sitting in boxes since we moved in. It feels good to have finally dealt with that stuff.

It also helped me make the upstairs room that is supposed to be more office feel more comfortable and complete. But I will talk about that in my next entry.

I think it’s time I make some decisions about putting up art in my house. I expect Bernie and me to be there for a while, and it feels like mine in a way that previous places haven’t, so it feels possible and worth it in a way it never has before.

In the past I’ve had trouble putting up art, even in personal spaces like my bedroom. It always felt like such a difficult decision to make, to decide on what actually to devote wall space to. I would get stuck on “is this THE piece I want to have on my walls all the time?” and since I was never sure what was “good enough,” I’d be unable to commit and never put up anything.

But if my creative life has taught me anything, it’s that if you get hung up on trying to do it perfectly, you freeze up and never do anything at all. So I think I need to just… pick art that I genuinely like and not worry if it’s THE ART THAT I AM COMMITTED TO FOREVER THAT REPRESENTS ME TO ALL GUESTS IN MY HOME. I confess I DO want my art to create a certain home environment, which makes it harder to just pick stuff, even if it gives me joy. For example, I don’t particularly want to cover my place with fannish stuff, as I don’t really like the impression that makes. But the drawing of Peggy and Steve together post Endgame that Isaiah gave me as a housewarming present makes me smile every time I walk past it, so I’m really happy to have it up.

I guess it’s a balance to strike. I don’t want to be one of those people who picks art based on what other people think, or what best coordinates with the upholstery. But I like the idea of the space being tastefully curated. I have for a long time dreaming of living in a house that looked like a grownup lived there, instead of the perpetual college kid I have at times felt like.

I guess I need to just… get some art, see how I like it up, and if I don’t like it, take it down. Yeah, it means I can’t break the bank on anything. But as long as I don’t do that, I can always just change stuff and try something else! Have to remind myself of that.

It’s been about two weeks since a couple of major life changes went into effect— Bernie and I moved into together into a new place we’re renting in Newton, and I started my new job as a full-time instructor at Lesley University.

These changes were very, very welcome for me; I’ve been feeling a bit stuck in place in these aspects of my life for a while now, so I’m delighted to have made these big forwards steps. Bernie and I finally got to end our seven-year period of long distance, and I really love being in our new place. It feels like a weight’s off me being in a home that feels like ours. Having roommates was tough on me, and Bernie and I getting to be together in the day to day and do things are own way is something I’ve been dreaming of for a long time. It might just be the excitement of the new and fresh right now, but I think this is going to make for a serious improvement in my everyday mental health.

I’ve also, basically at the same time, begun a new position at my longtime employer Lesley as a full-time faculty instructor instead of just an adjunct. This is a really big career step forward for me, so I’m very happy of the opportunity. If you know anything about the current state of academia, you know that full-time teaching posts have become harder and harder to come by, with most of the teaching load filled with part-time adjuncts that are not well-compensated. Getting to move up in an institution from adjunct to full-timer is a pretty big deal, especially with how competitive the market is. Considering more and more if not most faculty have PhDs now, I’m pretty proud of the fact that my accomplishments were sufficient to be hired even though I only have an MFA. It’s more money than I’ve ever made too, and while I’ve for many years held multiple part-time jobs, this is the first real salaried full-time position I’ve ever had.

Setting up a new house and starting a new job all at once, however, is a LOT. The house is coming together, but it’s been slow going, especially since we don’t have quite enough furniture for it. And I really love the place, but it’s definitely nicer than our stuff is! Still, I don’t want to just buy a bunch of things before I’m sure what we really want to live with. I haven’t even begun to work out my office, and the kitchen is only fifty percent of truly functional, so there’s still a lot left to figure out.

And the job is a lot as well. I have a large mentoring component in addition to my classes. I really appreciate not having to drive between multiple schools, but a very high level of student support outside of class is an explicit part of my position. I’m still figuring out what my days are going to look like, what the most effective student support strategies are, and how best to manage my time. I’m supposed to help with passing and retention rates, which is kind of a tall order, but if I do well, there’s a chance my currently-one-year-appointment could be made permanent.

All this means I’ve been busy enough that I’ve done basically no creative work since September started. It feels really strange, but I’m trying to just be okay with it. I think I need to prioritize building the new shape of my life right now, since laying those foundations well will put me in a better position later. And I really don’t want to burn myself out, seeing as these life and work chores simply have to get done. Bernie and I already decided we’re not having a live Hawking performance at Arisia this year, only sending our filmed recordings and maybe a Q&A if they want it, and with both of us in new jobs and the move it becomes even clearer it was the right decision.

So, good things have happened! Though they are a lot of work. :-D

I was never a big sticker person, but I have sometimes smiled to see how others use them, like the way my students put them all over their binders and laptops.

One of my favorite prop details from the most recent round of Mrs. Hawking shows were the canned goods we used in a brief, newly added scene set in a grocer's. We scrubbed the labels off some black bean cans and bought two kinds of stickers with old-timey, Victorian advertising vibe. The long rectangular sepia ones went on one side, and the colored ones of varying looks and sizes went on the other. If you look closely at them you see they're all kind of magic-y in tone, but at camera distance they made for really cute little period props. I was super happy with how they came out.



We had a lot left over, and I've been wanting to do something with them. I also mentioned I've been getting a lot of use out of this little plastic craft table that sits across your lap. I'd already stuck a couple stickers on it for the hell of it, and it's just a cheap little thing, so I figured what the hell. So I made a collage of the Victorian label stickers all across the work surface. I like all the muted colors against the gray background, and it looks cheerful and fun.

This past August, when Bernie was here to help me move furniture, I rearranged my little studio space in order to make it more useable to me.

Originally it was kind of designed to be like an office, focused around a desk for typing on a desktop computer. Then I tried to sort of simultaneously make it a craft room, with another table off to one side for my sewing machine, and stuff like my dress form and steamer shoved awkwardly off wherever they would fit. But I wasn't really using it lately; it felt crowded, particularly with the third-floor slanted ceilings that even as a short person I always seemed to bump my head on. The space was really going to waste, so I wanted to do something with it that I would actually use.

After some consideration, it seemed like the most useful focus I could give it based on what tasks pop up in my current life, was to turn it into a costume room. Wardrobe is the most space-consuming project I do on a regular basis, so I thought that would make the room the most helpful and most frequently utilized.



There is one window, and while it doesn't give a ton of light, I wanted the tabletop workspace to get as much of it as possible. So I ditched the ancient desktop and arranged both the former computer table and the craft table here. I put the smaller table in the corner under the slanted ceiling, which helps keep it away from my head, and put my notions box and fabric basket on it. I decided to store my sewing machine in its case in order to protect it from dust when I'm not using it. The table with the larger surface will be for work, though I stuck my sewing books and patterns on it against the wall. (Under my fanart poster of Steve, a thoughtful gift from Jane Becker.) The metal cookie tins contain thread, buttons, and other bits and bobs, because I was raised in a family descended from immigrants. The wicker picnic hamper does not usually live there, as I don't like blocking the window, but I am packing it as a travel supply case for a wardrobe mistress job I'm doing to help out the Traynors, who did fight choreography on my film.



There used to be a low coffee table in here-- I thought it would be more accessible surface space under the slanted ceiling --but I basically never used it and it just collected papers that needed filing. So I finally dealt with all the papers, moved that out, and now it's at the foot of my bed. I also got rid of my printer, which still worked but I never used because it wasn't compatible with my iPad. So I repurposed the printer table for my ironing board, and although it might be stored there I'm not sure it's all that useable in that place. My dress form, Adelaide, still has the problem of being too tall for the room; you kind of have to constantly push her out of your way, but I think she's mostly okay where she is. The steamer, also a little too tall, lives behind her and is less of a problem there.

As you can see, there are bags full of costumes I have arranged for the aforementioned film I'm dressing. Adelaide is currently modeling a possibility I was assembling. The bags take up a lot of space, but they're much less in my way in this costume-specific room. They do, however, make it a little difficult to get to this dresser. It's kind of a pain to access at the best of times for something I go into every day. I never wanted that dresser in here, tucked under this stupid alcove, but it's so big it won't really fit anywhere else.



I also took my extra IKEA clothes rack, living many years disassembled in a closet, and put it up in this little corner where the craft table originally lived. I really like having a place to hang costumes I am currently working on in an easily accessible way that doesn't choke up my closet space. Currently it is full of suit bags of men's looks for the film wardrobe, as well as some jackets that I am considering as possibilities. On the ground are more bags, mostly with womenswear.



It's much, much more useable now, and it seems devoting it to costuming was indeed the right choice. The old white leather armchair, scrounged from my parents' living room set from many years ago, remains beside the big table where it always was, for me to sit in when I haven't covered it with costume pieces. The only problem is my Tiamat head, which used to live between the chair and the table, but now doesn't fit there anymore. The chair is very carefully set exactly far enough away from the side closet for the door to open, but with the head there it's blocked. I do go in there fairly frequently for supplies, so having to move it is a pain. But I'm not sure else where it can live, so it's the one problem with the new layout.



Heh. She looks like she's peeking out of a den for your attention.

Overall, I'm very happy. I was worried I was going to be unable to store all the craft/costuming/theater shit that I had tucked away if I moved things, but other than Tiamat, it's been no problem. It was also a good call to get rid of some things, so it felt like crowded and I could actually want to be in it. I'm really glad I finally went to the trouble, especially since I'll have a new Hawking show to costume this fall.

This weekend I came up to Alexandria, Virginia to help Bernie move into his new apartment. He got a place just a five-minute walk from the patent office where he works, a small but very nice one-bedroom place in a fancy apartment building. I like it very much; it's a real grownup place, and a real change of pace from everything in Boston that all tends to be a bit older and more run down. This is all so nice and new, with amenities like a gym and a swimming pool. I'm spending the beginning of the week in Maryland to help him unpack and be together a little. I hope we can make it nice for him, and I may get to miss the worst of the snowstorm, as the DC area probably won't get it as bad.

I have a lot of work while I'm up here. Bernie's got to work of course during the day, so I guess it's not the biggest problem. But before I get back, I need to grade a ton of papers, put together the very first week of my online class and post it to the website, and prepare for the new round of Vivat Regina and Base Instruments rehearsals. So I can't entirely treat this like a vacation.

I finally got around to getting a new warm weather bedspread for my room.



I've needed one for a while now, not just because the weather's finally nice again, but because the one I'd been using was old enough that the wear and tear was starting to show, particularly on the pillow shams. I'd really liked the old one, it was white with a pale blue seashell design, but it was so threadbare it just wasn't presentable any longer. I wanted another one in the white and blue color scheme, as it matches my room. I won't live in this room forever, I know, but I will for at least another year, and I've always been partial to pale blue and white in decor. There was nothing that I liked that had both colors, but this style came in a version of each, so I mixed the spread and the pillow covers. I really liked the white/ivory version, but white is so hard to keep nice. I'm actually a little worried that I should have gotten blue on the shams, as that's what wore out worst on the old one, but I like how this combination looks best. 

My parents are leaving today after a very nice, short-but-sweet visit. We walked through the city and went out for some delicious meals. They also brought me tasty things.

Tomatoes from the garden. There were tiny cherry tomatoes, but they were so small and delicious I ate them like candy and now they're all gone. I shall have to cook something tasty from the rest.


Assorted hot peppers, which I put in my copper bowl. Don't they look pretty? I'm not too big into spicy foods, so I'd love to give these to people who will enjoy them. Residents of Gloucester, you are going to get a bunch.


And glass milk bottles! Aren't they charming? I got a bee in my bonnet recently about how much I'd like to keep milk in bottles rather than the plastic jugs, so Mom brought me a couple!


I'm such a vessel-and-crockery dork. If the copper molds on the walls didn't make me official an old lady, that has got to clinch it.

Bad night yesterday. Went to the urgent care center to get my unhappy belly and chest pain checked out, and basically just got told to watch for signs of it worsening and was sent on my way. But I've been having heartburn-like pain in my solar plexus setting in in the evening for the last four days, pain that doesn't respond to the typical heartburn measures of Tums or Pepto or even ibuprofen. I wake up pretty much fine in the morning, but it's bad enough that it makes it hard to get to sleep. The doctor doesn't think there's anything really wrong with me that isn't just going to have to run its course, but because I felt okay when I was getting examined, like an idiot it didn't occur to me to ask what to do about the pain. So last night was spent tossing and turning because it hurt too much to relax enough to fall asleep.

Anyway. On a more positive note, I fitted my pink checked dress muslin and sewed up the side seams. Now, if I'd been doing this right from the start, I would have had a good way to transfer markings from the pattern onto my material, and then made minor adjustments to the basic pattern suggestions based on my own body measurements. I plan to do better in the future, as I have requested the tracing wheel and transfer paper that captainecchi suggested for Christmas gifts. For now, I decided to kludge it. I held the dress up to myself and pinned it along my sides to make it conform to my shape. Then I unzipped it, took it off, rezipped it, and faintly connected the pins with a line of pen. I took the whole thing to the machine and sewed the sides, using those marks as my seamline.

Once sewn, I tried the thing back on. Damn if it didn't fit half bad! My kludgey method actually did make it conform pretty well to my shape, keeping all the darts and things in the right places. I made the skirt a little too narrow on the right side, making it impossible to pull it over my legs, but I just ripped it out to the hip, repinned it, and sewed it more carefully. Turned out fine. Imperfect, especially since the fabric is so thin it sometimes clings to the outline of my bellybutton (tacky, tacky, tacky) but overall not that bad. Much better than my first disaster of a dress attempt, which was so rushed and stupid that I can't believe myself.

I wasn't sure how to take a picture of this, since I don't want a shot of me wearing it until it's finished, but I couldn't think of any good way to display how it's sewn up. So I just draped it over a chair and took an oddly angled shot of it just for illustrative effect. You'll have to trust me that it makes sense until it's done.


Next step is to put in the facings and sew up the shoulders. That is seeming to be trickier than it first appeared.

Also, on another fabric-related note, what do we think of this?


On a whim I draped my sheer white striped curtain that I got at the thrift store over the empty curtain rod holders on my office window. It's just thrown up there, so I'd have to figure out how to arrange it more carefully, but do we like the idea? Does it work in that place? I do find myself wanting to put curtains up where the windows are bare...

I just had to post a close up of how lovely it turned out. The varnish just makes it glow. I am so pleased.