Ocular Crisco

Well, it's official. The lump on my right eyelid, my chalazion, as it's called, has been determined for causation. I have, as it turns out, blepharitis, a charmingly chronic little condition meaning that the glands in my eyelids, instead of producing lovely eyeball-lubricating oil, are instead making the ocular equivalent of Crisco. This Crisco has built up and solidified behind my eyelid into the pea-sized carbuncle I now sport on my right baby brown. I have to go back in on Wednesday to have my lid clamped, wrenched back, and have the sucker buttonhooked out. I hate things around my eyes. And, just my luck, as if that weren't enough, this condition has no cure, so now I am chained to a rigorous eyelid care routine that involves multiple stages of washing, medicating, and heating, almost every night for the rest of my life. I feel like I adopted a pet, or two, rather, and I gotta feed 'em and walk 'em and make sure their glands don't clog up with human cooking shortening.

Jesus H. Christ, I hate my eyes.