Brooding

Throughout my childhood, my mother liked to use a particular quotation from The Chronicles of Narnia, specifically said by Aslan to Lucy about why she should forgive a treacherous friend of hers in The Voyage of the Dawn Treader: "She is weak, but she loves you."

Whenever I would get too furious or judgmental about someone in my life for not being as strong or as brave or as good as they should have been, my mom would say that. "She is weak, but she loves you." By this she meant be forgiving, because that person may not have much strength to draw on, but they do love you, and the goodness of loving and caring and meaning well indicates that there's something worthy of love about them.

I still remember all the times she said this to me, and it did make me think. But the older I get, the more and more my response becomes that there is a corollary-- "She is weak, but she loves you." "She loves you, but she is weak."

I don't know if that's right. But I'm coming to believe that if you love someone, you owe it to them to be strong. That doing the hard thing for them is part of loving.

Brian brightens my day

I was winding up for a really grouchy entry here, but I've been reading back entries of oakenguy's LiveJournal and he is so funny and interesting and awesome that my mood is greatly lifted. Thanks for being wonderful, Brian. :-)

This weekend was over before I even realized it began. Lots of rough stuff going on for Jared, and he needed a lot of help from me to get through it. I'm glad to help, and I think everything is handled and okay now, but I'm kinda burnt out. Also, I ended up having to see a lot more of Sara than I'd hoped I would. Honestly it wasn't that bad, she was fairly pleasant and I put forth my very best effort, but I had things I would have rather been doing with my time than have brunch with her and drive her places because she put zero planning into this trip. Honestly the only thing that really bugged me was the expectation of how much Jared would be available. No, Jared TOLD YOU he was not available to entertain because IT IS FINALS WEEK and he HAS FINALS. *Sigh* She ended up offering to make us dinner as thanks for our help, which was very nice of her, but necessitated I spend more time around her, and I couldn't refuse without looking like a jerk. Again, the evening was pleasant enough, but I don't want to spend that much time around a person whose primary effect on my life has been to make my boyfriend feel bad about himself. At least I got to take a break from it all and go with Steph to the Natick Mall, which turned out to be a lot of fun and a nice respite from my roles as "support system" and "ex wrangler." I may have to have dinner with Sara again tonight, but hey, it'll be a meal I don't have to pay for, and I can at least enjoy Jared's company and the fact that three years is a sufficient period of time to pass that I can exhibit normal girlfriend behaviors in front of his ex without hurting her feelings. (For those of you who react to this length of time with outrage, the last time I was actually in Sara's presence was over two years ago.)

Also, went to a lovely surprise birthday party for Frances the other day that was incredibly nice. Every time I talk to her I'm reminded of how I need to spend more time with her. It was just a lovely, nice, low-key evening with good friends, which I needed, and Jared too. Nearly the entire cast of To Think of Nothing was present, and it really warms my heart to see the evidence of how enthusiastic they are about this show. I'm so excited to get to work on it.

Focuson the positive, Phoebe. Like the show, and being with Jared, and the sheer unadulterated awesome that is oakenguy. That'll keep me from being the constant grouch I'm threatening to turn into.