Tense

I've always been really good at zeroing in on what's really important to me. Figuring out, in a difficult situation, what the most important thing to me is, the thing for which if I have to sacrifice other things, at least since I have that, everything will ultimately be okay. It is focusing, it is comforting, it is mentally stabilizing. It helps me help myself when I'm in trouble. It helps me take positive action to solve my problems and get to a better place.

It's rare that I can't do that. But when I can't... it sticks everything up. I can't take action, I can't move forward, because I can't figure out what direction I should be going in. Can't figure out what compromises to make, what prices to pay, where to pour in my effort and where to cut my losses. It makes it so all my normal coping mechanisms don't work the way they should.

My stress is up lately and I'm not really sure how to manage it. I've been so tense that even when things are okay my body has been one big ball of tension that I have had a hell of a time relaxing. I wish I were better at balancing feeling like my life is full of positive, enriching things and not overloading myself to the point of feeling overwhelmed. Sometimes I think I need a more regimented life. Block out all my time, such that I waste less and enjoy more. Like, if you do nothing but responsibilities like homework or chores from this time to this, then you are free to relax or so something you'd enjoy more over the next set period. But I have trouble shifting focus so abruptly. Focusing has been tough as it is lately. Excessive regiment sometimes makes me feel like I'm running around like crazy, which stresses me out more. And I'm already so scheduled already; I'm afraid of becoming even more inflexible and morbidly unspontaneous than I already am.