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breakinglight11Forever Captain:
“Boulder in the Stream”
By Phoebe Roberts
~~~
Summary: “It’s been seven years since Steve Rogers retired to the midcentury after returning the Infinity Stones. By 1954, he’s built a contented new life as Grant Carter, Peggy’s husband and stay-at-home dad to two great kids. But he’s never been able to shake his fears of what his presence here will do to change the progress of the timeline. Or— perhaps worse —that he has no power to affect the course of events at all.
A direct continuation of “His Part to Play.” A more plot-focused adventure story.”
Previous chapters:
1. Glimmer
2. Siege
3. Backup
4. Onslaught
5. Operatives
Chapter summary: Steve and Peggy decide what has to be done about the assassin targeting the SHIELD office.
“Boulder in the Stream”
By Phoebe Roberts
~~~
Summary: “It’s been seven years since Steve Rogers retired to the midcentury after returning the Infinity Stones. By 1954, he’s built a contented new life as Grant Carter, Peggy’s husband and stay-at-home dad to two great kids. But he’s never been able to shake his fears of what his presence here will do to change the progress of the timeline. Or— perhaps worse —that he has no power to affect the course of events at all.
A direct continuation of “His Part to Play.” A more plot-focused adventure story.”
Previous chapters:
1. Glimmer
2. Siege
3. Backup
4. Onslaught
5. Operatives
Chapter summary: Steve and Peggy decide what has to be done about the assassin targeting the SHIELD office.
~~~
6. Mission
The first thing he did when he exited the high rise was find a pay phone and call Peggy's office. Lottie Salazar picked up, with her usual precise, energetic air. "Director Carter's phone. May I ask who's calling?"
"Hi, Lottie, it's Grant. Sorry to bother you, but is she available?"
"Hi, Mr. Carter! She's in a meeting." She paused, knowing he didn't often call in the middle of the workday. "Is it important?"
Steve swallowed. "I'm afraid it is."
Another beat went by as she took in his serious tone. "I'll get her."
"Thank you. And, Lottie…" he added. "Don't go too far, all right?"
"Sure thing, Mr. Carter."
"What's happened?" Peggy asked, without preamble, when she came onto the phone. Steve told her what he'd noticed, the man on the ledge, the view of her office, the signs of likely sniper nest. Peggy took this in grimly, then swung immediately into action.
"Copy that," she said. "I'll have the office evacuated. For a few days at least."
"If you clear out, it might tip him off that he's been spotted."
"Unavoidable. Can't put my people at risk."
Steve sighed and nodded. "Of course. Is there some pretext you can give them? In case there's eyes on the inside?"
"Yes…" She thought for a moment. "I'll put out that there's a broken gas main. Send everyone to other offices for the week. That will buy us some time, at least." She gave a dark chuckle. "If I have to, I'll knock something loose on the boiler myself."
Steve tried to laugh at that, but she could hear that something was off. "Are you all right, love?"
He breathed out hard. "No. No, I'm not."
"Don't worry, dear. You spotted him before anything happened. Now we have the chance to head him off first— figure out what we're dealing with."
"No, Peg. I think…" He steeled himself. "I think I know who it is."
There was a brief shocked pause on the other end of the line. "Who?"
"It's Bucky."
For years, Steve had wondered. He knew the Russians had recovered Bucky from where he'd fallen on the mountainside, the experimentation done on him during his capture by Red Skull changing him in ways not unlike Steve. But he'd had no idea what the timeline had been, the progression of events that led him to become the terrifying assassin known as the Winter Soldier. He'd wondered if he'd ever know, if he'd ever so much as hear tell of Bucky as the years went by. But his wife was the founder of SHIELD, and there was no doubt HYDRA was going to throw everything they had at her.
He could hear Peggy's breath catch on the other of the line. "Bucky?" She was silent another moment. She didn't ask him how he knew, or if he was sure— only accepted it, and kept moving forward. "I'm sorry, darling. Give me some time to manage the office, and then we'll deal with this."
As he had with SHIELD, Bucky's fate had been one of the things Steve felt he had to tell Peggy. He'd confided in her his sorrow over it, thinking of his friend out there brainwashed and abused, and even if Steve could find him, there might be nothing he could do. Beyond what Bucky's presence meant for her work, Peggy understood just what this discovery meant to Steve.
Steve gave her a few hours, taking the train back out to Schenectady to pick up the car, and ask Rishun to kindly keep the kids at her place for a little while longer. Then he returned to pick Peggy up, doing his best to stay vigilant without giving any overt indication that they were now on guard. A good operative would be alert to that, and he knew that the Winter Soldier was a good operative.
She brought Steve up to speed as she settled into the passenger seat beside him. "Well, I've got the office dispersed without starting too much of a panic. Most of them got the story about the gas main, but a few I told the truth to. Thank God for Lottie, we must have had to call two dozen offices to find berths for everyone that wouldn't seem suspicious."
She turned her head to look at him. "So that's me sorted. And what about you?"
He let out a sigh and shook his head. "I never knew if I'd ever see him again. And who knows what he's been through at this point?"
Her face creased in pity. "I'm sorry, darling. But we have a lead now. We have a chance to reach him."
"If there is a way to reach him." In the previous timeline, Steve had never been sure what had been the thing to lead Bucky to find himself, if he'd done anything at all.
Peggy, in that way of hers, was undaunted. "If there is, we'll find it. I promise, Steve, I'll find him."
He glanced away from the road for a moment to eye her. "Peggy, you can't be the one to go after him."
He could see her bristle a little. "And why not? Just because I'm the director now, I can't do field ops?"
"That's exactly why you can't do field ops. You have responsibilities."
He heard her grumble at that. "Bigger than finding an assassin targeting my operation?"
"Yes," he said, very seriously. "Because you've got to take care of Dr. Doryczek."
Peggy hissed out a sigh as she thumped back against her seat. She'd been working to bring the imprisoned Polish scientist to the States for over a year now, untangling the messes left in the wake of Nazi occupation that kept him captive. "Oh, God blast it."
"You need him," Steve reminded her. "Without him, you'll never be able to crack that HYDRA tech. And he's been waiting— you can't just leave him hanging."
Even she couldn't argue with that. "Then… I'll send someone else. I have people, Steve. I won't just leave him a tool in HYDRA's hands."
"I know," he answered, as at last he turned the steering wheel to pull into their driveway. "But Peggy… I think it's got to be me."
He saw her turn to stare at him. But at that moment, there was no more time to discuss it. They had to collect the children from the Haywards' house, who had kindly looked after them for several more hours than planned. Then they had to see to the kids, cooking them dinner and hearing about their day. Elizabeth was excitedly regaling them how they had played pirate ship at the playground with Sakura and Keiko, while Jamie attempted to build a tower of books beside the breakfast table.
"Sounds like you had a good time," Steve said to her, keeping his tone light as he cleared away her plate.
"I did, Daddy," she declared. "It was an adventure."
It wasn't until several hours later, when teeth had been brushed, pajamas donned, and blankets tucked up around chins, when Peggy cornered him in the living room and stood over him with her arms crossed.
"Talk to me," she said. "What are you thinking?"
Steve breathed deep, and dropped into the armchair by the front window. "It's Bucky, hon. He's out there brainwashed and alone. He's not responsible for his actions, but he's still extremely dangerous. I can't let him anywhere near you." There was no definite indication of a specific human objective, but he had clearly zeroed in on that office, which had been set up as a base of operations for Peggy. As the highest ranking personnel, she seemed the natural target.
Still, she was not convinced. "There are more good agents of SHIELD than just me, Steve."
"I know. But what if he hurts them? And what if they hurt him?" He shook his head. "I don't want any of that that to happen, but it's not fair to put them in that position."
"So that's it? You can't ask anyone else to do it, so you have to do it yourself?"
"More than that, Peggy." He swallowed hard. "You know what he means to me. Every time I thought I lost him again… it ripped out my guts. And he's suffered so much— he's going to keep on suffering, if things go like they did. If I have the chance to reach him, to spare him some of that… I have to try."
"Of course, Steve. Of course I understand all that." She came in close and knelt before him, taking his hands in her own. "It's only we agreed that you were finished with this. No more missions, no more battles… no more bearing the responsibility for other people's evil. I thought that was what you wanted."
His guts twisted. "It is. God, you know it is."
"Then… are you sure you want to do this?"
He did his best to keep his gaze steady. Go back into the onslaught, separated from his life, his family, his kids? Christ, no. And more than that… there was that nagging fear, the one he'd carried since the day he arrived— he wouldn't be able to avoid it any longer. The very thought of it was enough to tear him up inside, and he couldn't keep his face from breaking.
Peggy startled at this reaction, and her fingers went tight around his. "Steve, Steve," she breathed, trying to comfort him. "I know, love— I know you'd never want to leave us—"
He rushed to explain himself. "No, no, it's not that. I mean… of course not. But… I know we could do what we had to. I know for a little while, we could bear it. It's not that."
"Then… what?"
He was silent a long time before he could find the words. "I've always wondered. Since I came back, I'd been so careful— in what I told you, and everyone, in what I did. So I didn't inadvertently change the timeline for the worse. But… what if the opposite's the problem? That the timeline is… fixed, or too big, or… something I can't imagine. And even when I do have a chance like this, to put something right that was going to happen… I can't." He looked up to meet her gaze. "Peggy, what if nothing I do matters?"
"No," she said firmly. "No, that can't be so. What about us, Steve? The children and me— what about how our lives have changed? For God's sake, they wouldn't be here without you."
That was true, and it did give him pause. "But there's so much that hasn't changed. So much that's bigger than us, than our family." Gripped with uncertainty, he looked at her pleadingly. "What if I'm not enough to change history?"
He could see her impulse to reassure him— to declare, with all the force of her dauntless conviction, that he could do anything. Captain American had done it, she would say, and many times before. But as she looked him in the eye, the welling strength of it crashed against the looming wall of his doubt, and he watched as her face fell. Captain America had done it— but he wasn't, and didn't want to be, Captain America anymore.
"I don't know," she said at last, shaking her curls. "I'm sorry, Steve."
For a long time, he looked down at their entwined hands, stroking the tips of his fingers over her knuckles. "I don't want to do this— any of this. And I don't want to fail. But… it's Bucky, Peggy." His friend, his brother, his right arm. A man for whom they'd named their son.
"Steve," she asked him once more. "Are you sure you want to do this?"
"No," he answered, gentle but firm. "I don't want to. I have to."
She bowed her head over their clasped hands, then breathed deep. She looked up again so that her gaze met his. "All right, love. All right."
~~~
Next chapter: 7. Setting Out
6. Mission
The first thing he did when he exited the high rise was find a pay phone and call Peggy's office. Lottie Salazar picked up, with her usual precise, energetic air. "Director Carter's phone. May I ask who's calling?"
"Hi, Lottie, it's Grant. Sorry to bother you, but is she available?"
"Hi, Mr. Carter! She's in a meeting." She paused, knowing he didn't often call in the middle of the workday. "Is it important?"
Steve swallowed. "I'm afraid it is."
Another beat went by as she took in his serious tone. "I'll get her."
"Thank you. And, Lottie…" he added. "Don't go too far, all right?"
"Sure thing, Mr. Carter."
"What's happened?" Peggy asked, without preamble, when she came onto the phone. Steve told her what he'd noticed, the man on the ledge, the view of her office, the signs of likely sniper nest. Peggy took this in grimly, then swung immediately into action.
"Copy that," she said. "I'll have the office evacuated. For a few days at least."
"If you clear out, it might tip him off that he's been spotted."
"Unavoidable. Can't put my people at risk."
Steve sighed and nodded. "Of course. Is there some pretext you can give them? In case there's eyes on the inside?"
"Yes…" She thought for a moment. "I'll put out that there's a broken gas main. Send everyone to other offices for the week. That will buy us some time, at least." She gave a dark chuckle. "If I have to, I'll knock something loose on the boiler myself."
Steve tried to laugh at that, but she could hear that something was off. "Are you all right, love?"
He breathed out hard. "No. No, I'm not."
"Don't worry, dear. You spotted him before anything happened. Now we have the chance to head him off first— figure out what we're dealing with."
"No, Peg. I think…" He steeled himself. "I think I know who it is."
There was a brief shocked pause on the other end of the line. "Who?"
"It's Bucky."
For years, Steve had wondered. He knew the Russians had recovered Bucky from where he'd fallen on the mountainside, the experimentation done on him during his capture by Red Skull changing him in ways not unlike Steve. But he'd had no idea what the timeline had been, the progression of events that led him to become the terrifying assassin known as the Winter Soldier. He'd wondered if he'd ever know, if he'd ever so much as hear tell of Bucky as the years went by. But his wife was the founder of SHIELD, and there was no doubt HYDRA was going to throw everything they had at her.
He could hear Peggy's breath catch on the other of the line. "Bucky?" She was silent another moment. She didn't ask him how he knew, or if he was sure— only accepted it, and kept moving forward. "I'm sorry, darling. Give me some time to manage the office, and then we'll deal with this."
As he had with SHIELD, Bucky's fate had been one of the things Steve felt he had to tell Peggy. He'd confided in her his sorrow over it, thinking of his friend out there brainwashed and abused, and even if Steve could find him, there might be nothing he could do. Beyond what Bucky's presence meant for her work, Peggy understood just what this discovery meant to Steve.
Steve gave her a few hours, taking the train back out to Schenectady to pick up the car, and ask Rishun to kindly keep the kids at her place for a little while longer. Then he returned to pick Peggy up, doing his best to stay vigilant without giving any overt indication that they were now on guard. A good operative would be alert to that, and he knew that the Winter Soldier was a good operative.
She brought Steve up to speed as she settled into the passenger seat beside him. "Well, I've got the office dispersed without starting too much of a panic. Most of them got the story about the gas main, but a few I told the truth to. Thank God for Lottie, we must have had to call two dozen offices to find berths for everyone that wouldn't seem suspicious."
She turned her head to look at him. "So that's me sorted. And what about you?"
He let out a sigh and shook his head. "I never knew if I'd ever see him again. And who knows what he's been through at this point?"
Her face creased in pity. "I'm sorry, darling. But we have a lead now. We have a chance to reach him."
"If there is a way to reach him." In the previous timeline, Steve had never been sure what had been the thing to lead Bucky to find himself, if he'd done anything at all.
Peggy, in that way of hers, was undaunted. "If there is, we'll find it. I promise, Steve, I'll find him."
He glanced away from the road for a moment to eye her. "Peggy, you can't be the one to go after him."
He could see her bristle a little. "And why not? Just because I'm the director now, I can't do field ops?"
"That's exactly why you can't do field ops. You have responsibilities."
He heard her grumble at that. "Bigger than finding an assassin targeting my operation?"
"Yes," he said, very seriously. "Because you've got to take care of Dr. Doryczek."
Peggy hissed out a sigh as she thumped back against her seat. She'd been working to bring the imprisoned Polish scientist to the States for over a year now, untangling the messes left in the wake of Nazi occupation that kept him captive. "Oh, God blast it."
"You need him," Steve reminded her. "Without him, you'll never be able to crack that HYDRA tech. And he's been waiting— you can't just leave him hanging."
Even she couldn't argue with that. "Then… I'll send someone else. I have people, Steve. I won't just leave him a tool in HYDRA's hands."
"I know," he answered, as at last he turned the steering wheel to pull into their driveway. "But Peggy… I think it's got to be me."
He saw her turn to stare at him. But at that moment, there was no more time to discuss it. They had to collect the children from the Haywards' house, who had kindly looked after them for several more hours than planned. Then they had to see to the kids, cooking them dinner and hearing about their day. Elizabeth was excitedly regaling them how they had played pirate ship at the playground with Sakura and Keiko, while Jamie attempted to build a tower of books beside the breakfast table.
"Sounds like you had a good time," Steve said to her, keeping his tone light as he cleared away her plate.
"I did, Daddy," she declared. "It was an adventure."
It wasn't until several hours later, when teeth had been brushed, pajamas donned, and blankets tucked up around chins, when Peggy cornered him in the living room and stood over him with her arms crossed.
"Talk to me," she said. "What are you thinking?"
Steve breathed deep, and dropped into the armchair by the front window. "It's Bucky, hon. He's out there brainwashed and alone. He's not responsible for his actions, but he's still extremely dangerous. I can't let him anywhere near you." There was no definite indication of a specific human objective, but he had clearly zeroed in on that office, which had been set up as a base of operations for Peggy. As the highest ranking personnel, she seemed the natural target.
Still, she was not convinced. "There are more good agents of SHIELD than just me, Steve."
"I know. But what if he hurts them? And what if they hurt him?" He shook his head. "I don't want any of that that to happen, but it's not fair to put them in that position."
"So that's it? You can't ask anyone else to do it, so you have to do it yourself?"
"More than that, Peggy." He swallowed hard. "You know what he means to me. Every time I thought I lost him again… it ripped out my guts. And he's suffered so much— he's going to keep on suffering, if things go like they did. If I have the chance to reach him, to spare him some of that… I have to try."
"Of course, Steve. Of course I understand all that." She came in close and knelt before him, taking his hands in her own. "It's only we agreed that you were finished with this. No more missions, no more battles… no more bearing the responsibility for other people's evil. I thought that was what you wanted."
His guts twisted. "It is. God, you know it is."
"Then… are you sure you want to do this?"
He did his best to keep his gaze steady. Go back into the onslaught, separated from his life, his family, his kids? Christ, no. And more than that… there was that nagging fear, the one he'd carried since the day he arrived— he wouldn't be able to avoid it any longer. The very thought of it was enough to tear him up inside, and he couldn't keep his face from breaking.
Peggy startled at this reaction, and her fingers went tight around his. "Steve, Steve," she breathed, trying to comfort him. "I know, love— I know you'd never want to leave us—"
He rushed to explain himself. "No, no, it's not that. I mean… of course not. But… I know we could do what we had to. I know for a little while, we could bear it. It's not that."
"Then… what?"
He was silent a long time before he could find the words. "I've always wondered. Since I came back, I'd been so careful— in what I told you, and everyone, in what I did. So I didn't inadvertently change the timeline for the worse. But… what if the opposite's the problem? That the timeline is… fixed, or too big, or… something I can't imagine. And even when I do have a chance like this, to put something right that was going to happen… I can't." He looked up to meet her gaze. "Peggy, what if nothing I do matters?"
"No," she said firmly. "No, that can't be so. What about us, Steve? The children and me— what about how our lives have changed? For God's sake, they wouldn't be here without you."
That was true, and it did give him pause. "But there's so much that hasn't changed. So much that's bigger than us, than our family." Gripped with uncertainty, he looked at her pleadingly. "What if I'm not enough to change history?"
He could see her impulse to reassure him— to declare, with all the force of her dauntless conviction, that he could do anything. Captain American had done it, she would say, and many times before. But as she looked him in the eye, the welling strength of it crashed against the looming wall of his doubt, and he watched as her face fell. Captain America had done it— but he wasn't, and didn't want to be, Captain America anymore.
"I don't know," she said at last, shaking her curls. "I'm sorry, Steve."
For a long time, he looked down at their entwined hands, stroking the tips of his fingers over her knuckles. "I don't want to do this— any of this. And I don't want to fail. But… it's Bucky, Peggy." His friend, his brother, his right arm. A man for whom they'd named their son.
"Steve," she asked him once more. "Are you sure you want to do this?"
"No," he answered, gentle but firm. "I don't want to. I have to."
She bowed her head over their clasped hands, then breathed deep. She looked up again so that her gaze met his. "All right, love. All right."
~~~
Next chapter: 7. Setting Out
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