My personal madness

Body positivity is a weird thing with me. I tend to have a pretty good self-image, and through rigorous mental retraining I'm learning not to apply my crazy ideas to anyone else's body, but I have a hard time letting go of them when it comes to my own. Sometimes my crazy comes out in weird ways.

A few years back, during a period where peak depression intersected badly with a much more sedentary schedule, and I gained a small but noticeable amount of weight. It wasn't obvious to most people, but it made it so my clothes didn't fit. I had an incident where I popped a button off of a pair of jeans due to being too big for them that really left me upset. I should have just thrown them away, but I stuffed those jeans in a draw in a rage and tried to forget they existed.

I slimmed back down relatively soon after that, and all of my old clothes fit again, including those jeans. It's very satisfying to me that I can now fit my hand inside the waistband where once I wasn't even able to close them. I put a new button on them, but because the old one tore up the placket so much, it's probably not going to stay attached much longer. So they're kind of a pain to wear. But I keep them, I keep wearing them, instead of throwing them away. Because to get rid of them would be to admit they DEFEATED ME. And my crazy WON'T ALLOW THAT.