Acting like adults

[breakinglight11]

Recently it was pointed out to me that the sign that I have utterly dismissed someone as having completely lost my respect (whether just for the moment or more lastingly) is when I call them a child.

I can't respect an adult who behaves like a child. I'm not talking about liking to play with Legos or blowing bubbles in your chocolate milk. I'm talking about being responsible for your actions and being held to a certain standard of behavior. The way I see it, adults are obliged to conduct themselves with a certain degree of accountability that means it's just not acceptable to do something unfair or irresponsible, especially in regards to the people around you.

The opposite is to be expected from the immature, the unformed. Children flake on their commitments. Children need people to hold their hand through obligations they find uncomfortable or unpleasant, or push them off on someone else. They whine, they don't control themselves or their emotions, they don't handle things maturely. These things grind my nerves like nothing else, and while I can put up with it from someone who's not grown up enough to handle themselves, I can't stand it in someone who should know better by now.

If you want these things, fine. But if you're going to act like a child, then I get to treat you like one. I don't consider your opinion to have much weight. I don't trust you with or count on you for anything. I do not accord you any particular esteem. Anything beyond basic human respect must be earned; it's not a right. It's a balance-- rights and responsibilities come together. I, and many of the people who make up my social circle, are at the stage of life where they are transitioning from childhood to adulthood. That means it's getting less and less understandable for grownup capabilities not to develop.

I don't know. Maybe my standards are unreasonable. Or maybe I'm just justifying what a grouch I am.

Comments

[morethings5.livejournal.com]

No way, I totally I agree with you on this. I love children, you know, I adore them, and I can forgive and pretty much love all the stupid things they do, but there are just certain expectations one needs to have when interacting with supposed adults.

[in-water-writ.livejournal.com]

I agree with you.

Granted, I don't mind when people have their childish moments. Under certain amounts of stress or fatigue, I know I certainly develop a "don't care about all those things I promised to do" attitude (unless someone is depending on me for something important) and I can get quite whiny. But when it becomes the norm for someone rather than the exception, I lose just about all patience with them.

And I agree with your definition of adult vs. child. This is what I'm always trying to explain to my mother when she says she thought I would "grow out of" liking video games or comic books. It's one's attitude and willingness to accept responsibility that determines his/her maturity, not one's interests. So I like to dress up and play pretend with my friends. That doesn't mean I don't meet my deadlines at work, pay my bills on time, show respect to others, or resolve issues through logic, reasoning, communication, and compromise.

My mother seems to think that being adult means abandoning fun and imagination. I think adulthood means being able to accept that not everything is fun and imagination, and doing the "boring" stuff anyway without making a fuss.

[contradictacat.livejournal.com]

I am wondering what your definition of "mature" is. I think it means different things to different people. Flaking, whining, needing hand-holding, trying to duck obligations and foist them off...that's all pretty plain and single-definitioned. "Mature", though...Is holding in your dislikes and disagreements for the sake of equilibrium "mature", or is hanging them all out and bringing them up with people "mature"?

I'm also curious as to your opinion of people who need constant reassurance, or are constantly looking for the new thing on the horizon, or who demand attention ceaselessly. What of them?

And if your standards are unreasonable, I think we should start a club for all us grouches. I've been finding my tolerances for people I perceive to be childish lowering too.