All Eyes on Me

I think you're confusing "solitude" with "nothingness." The inclination I'm describing is not Emily Dickinson-style "pursuing my own meaning away from the world." I mean nothingness in the sense of I am inclined to do nothing. Not accomplish things that are important to me, not seek out things that are interesting or fun. Like, there's always this part of me that wants to lock the door and just watch television until I die. It's a phenomenon C.S. Lewis described so much more eloquently than I in Surprised by Joy. It's a small part of me, thank God, but it scares the hell out of me.