I think there's a line between being sorry you hurt someone and wanting to make good and letting them stomp all over you because "you're in the wrong so you deserve it." I don't know which of these has happened to Phoebe (could be both or neither), but I disagree that if I love someone I should go to a length that might mean becoming their doormat. I can love someone and have screwed up and still think that I also have the right to be treated with respect.
You should own up to your mistakes, try to make up for them, and to be a better person. I don't think you should take whatever punishment the hurt person offers just because you did something wrong. That's not how "working things out" is supposed to work.
Some of my opinion is probably due to the fact that I've witnessed emotionally abusive relationships where the kind of "you screwed up now I'm going to berate you about it for hours" behavior that Phoebe is describing is taking to horrible extremes. Most relationships aren't going to go that far, but even good people are not always rational. And I think good people take "playing the martyr" and "playing the victim" too far sometimes.
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Date: 2011-10-11 09:32 pm (UTC)You should own up to your mistakes, try to make up for them, and to be a better person. I don't think you should take whatever punishment the hurt person offers just because you did something wrong. That's not how "working things out" is supposed to work.
Some of my opinion is probably due to the fact that I've witnessed emotionally abusive relationships where the kind of "you screwed up now I'm going to berate you about it for hours" behavior that Phoebe is describing is taking to horrible extremes. Most relationships aren't going to go that far, but even good people are not always rational. And I think good people take "playing the martyr" and "playing the victim" too far sometimes.