Drift incompatible

[breakinglight11]

Nerds have embraced the concept of “drift compatibility” from Pacific Rim. It reflects a sort of total mind-meld one can achieve with a person with whom you are in perfect sync with. It’s become a convenient expression to describe levels of particular kinship and closeness that isn’t limited to a particular type of relationship—could be romance, could be familiar, could be friendship. A kind of closeness where you could share the totality of your being with them.

It strikes me that I don’t believe I am drift compatible with anyone. It’s not for lack of bond. I have wonderful friends that I love and trust and know I can count on. I have wonderful family that I am close to and have been so good to me. I have Bernie, who I love, and who loves me more and judges me less than anyone else. But the idea of anyone in my head, in my thoughts? Could never do it. Could never stand it. Never with anyone. I think I’d rather be dead.

I just can’t bear the idea of anyone seeing all my thoughts. Before I even was familiar with the concept, I would imagine what if someone around me was psychic, and it made me want to puke. Is that unusual? Are there people for whom the idea of being able to share ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING in your head with another person is desirable? I have issues with shame, and perhaps as a result, a nature that is naturally inclined to a certain level of artifice. But I’m also private; not sure how much that’s related. I couldn’t even share everything about myself with Bernie. I don’t think I could ever do it with anyone.

Comments

[lillibet.livejournal.com]

I have two or three people in my life with whom I have relationships strong and encompassing enough to withstand this kind of sharing, though there would probably be some adjustments to make.

A couple of times in my marriage we've come across memories of moments of utter humiliation and shared those and, I don't know exactly how to describe it, but it feels like...forgiven each other for having those experiences? That sounds odd, but it's what it feels like--told each other we understand and it's ok to have been humiliated. And that has felt pretty amazing, for each of us. So I think that if we were doing it on a wider scale, it could be alright.

[laurion]

Mmm. Know what you mean. I've only once had someone I could describe as a 'best friend', and in general, even with my closer friends, there's a lot of brain shielding in place.