31 Plays in 31 Days, #4 - "The Part of Me I Kept For You"

[breakinglight11]

I don't know where these come from, but it's the third I've written in this vein for a 31P31D, after "Beloved Monster" and "Never Really Here". It's not really part of a larger project and it's kind of strange. Mostly just an exploration of longing, embodied by characters.

The Part of Me I Kept For You
By Phoebe Roberts

The MAID
The BEAST
~~~

MAID: Every time I think of you these days, I get really sad.

BEAST: I’m sorry to say that’s not unusual.

MAID: It’s not like that. It’s not that piercing the way it used to be. But it’s strange. I thought that wound had healed.

BEAST: Well. I know I represent a difficult time in your life.

MAID: It was hard. Wanting you so badly for so long, when I knew I’d never have you.

BEAST: It’s why you’re relieved to have moved on.

MAID: Mostly. I mean, yeah. I was relieved. But… sorry to do it too.

BEAST: You had to. What choice did you have?

MAID: I know. It was healthy, it was ultimately better for my life. But… there was a part of me that loved you so much that it wanted to love you forever. No matter what that would cost.

BEAST: You shouldn’t dwell on that.

(Pause.)

MAID: I really, really loved you.

BEAST: I know.

MAID: I don’t like talking about it. Probably most people would find it crazy.

BEAST: Not everybody.

MAID: No. But those people… I sometimes think it’s because they don’t really understand. How…how huge it was. You were… everything. My hero. My hope. My perfect person, my first love. A love beyond lust, and encompassing of it. Loved you, wanted you, admired you, ached for you. First thought when I woke up and last before I fell asleep. Sometimes you felt so close I thought that if I shut my eyes and reached out, I’d find you there.

BEAST: So huge the weight of it almost crushed you.

MAID: I know, I know. You don’t have to remind me how unhealthy it was.

BEAST: Then what? Do you… you don’t miss me, do you?

MAID: I don’t know.

BEAST: You have real things now. A real somebody, who loves you the way you always wanted me to. You shouldn’t miss what I was.

MAID: Of course not. But when I think of you… I get sad. Why should I be sad? Shouldn’t I be glad that you’re not this shadow on my life anymore? Why do you still feel so heavy?

BEAST: You feel badly that you lost so much time to me.

MAID: No. I don’t. I mean, maybe, I guess. But I don’t think that’s it.

BEAST: You don’t still love me. Not the way you did. You’ve healed from that.

MAID: Moved on, maybe… but lately it doesn’t feel like I healed. You said it— you were huge. So huge. Huge and fierce and burning. The wound closes, but the hole never fills. There is nothing in the world like it.

BEAST: You don’t have to feel badly about that. You love in a different way now. Maybe less… fiery, but no less huge.

MAID: I’ve come to terms with that. In fact… I’m almost glad.

BEAST: Glad of what?

MAID: That nothing ever compared to what I felt for you.

BEAST: Why?

MAID: It makes it feel… less wasted. All that time and suffering. To know it was spent on the fiercest love I’ve ever known. That place is yours. That honor is yours.

BEAST: I don’t want to take anything more from you. You suffered enough for me.

MAID: I had to give you up. But… that’s for you. That’s something I kept for you. Maybe it’s crazy… but I want you to have it.

BEAST: I’m sorry that it makes you sad.

MAID: I couldn’t wait for you. But I could leave a part of me there behind.