breakinglight11 | Back in the troughs (Reply)

After creeping in slowly the last week or so, I think I'm now solidly in the grasp of yet another depressive wave. It's probably purely the vagaries of my screwed-up brain, but it makes me focus on all the things about my life that I'm angry and unhappy about. It puts me in such a negative mindset, and it makes everything I'm doing, or should be doing, seem totally pointless, which saps my energy and motivation to do it.

I've been incredibly unproductive with even the decent amount of spare time I've had lately, and I'm pissed about that since it's likely to be the last spare time I have for a very long while. Way to waste it, idiot. And this low-energy state is definitely not the place I want to be in with my new semester starting. I'm going to be drowning in work with three classes and two plays to put on, so it is NOT a good time to want to spend it lying in a heap.

Bah. There's nothing to be done. No amount of self-care or anything ever really has any power to shake me out of these things. I just have to wait it out. But in the meantime, I need to not let everything go off the rails while I'm hating everything and being pissed at the world.