Ramblings on fanwork
May. 19th, 2019 09:13 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
breakinglight11I've been writing more fan fic lately than I think I ever have. I mean, I've been more prolific in all my writing lately, but I've posted more to my AO3 page in the last year, year and a half, than at any other time previously.
I've always been inclined to it. When I was a kid, especially in high school, I think I must have scribbled thousands upon thousands of words for fan fic ideas I had. Since forever I've had that nerd-tendency to obsess over stories I like, and particular enjoyment in a thing often wants to express in me creatively somehow. But despite all that work, at that I didn't really have any process or discipline for finishing pieces, so unfortunately I don't have a ton to show for it. Still, there a few things that ended up seeing the light of day, and on my AO3 profile there are a handful of works that may appear to be dated to the early 2000's, but I actually originally wrote when I was between 13 and 17. It's not that they're terrible— for a child, some of it is downright GREAT —but they're definitely not representative of my current work.
I know these days I very much need to be spending most of my time, energy, and focus on original work. But I'm finishing fics now, since I've learned how to finish things. I've always liked challenging myself to see if I could create pieces that felt like additional stories within someone else's world. And I really like the instant gratification of seeing hit counters tick up as people read your work. One of my great frustrations in my current career is how hard it is to get people to pay attention to original stuff, so when it gets to be too discouraging, I like to at least know that the name recognition of my fan fic has attracted somebody's attention to what I've written.
Not— unfortunately —that any fic of mine has ever gotten all that popular. I like to blame the fact that I write stuff that agrees with established canon, and isn't focused on white boys kissing. If I like the story, I like it by and large as it is, and I can't get engaged in stuff that throws it out the window. But it seems like fan fic writing circles lean heavily toward alternative imaginings and slash, so it seems my stuff has never excessively appealed. The closest I've ever come to "popular" was "Dad Body," my Into the Spider-Verse fic, which got some good response. It's cute and engaging, depicting the moment the film only implies where Peter B. Parker goes to try and reconcile with Mary Jane. But it's nowhere near high-traffic in the grand scheme of these things.
Right now I'm working quite enthusiastically away on "As Long as He Needs," a (very spoilery) story for Avengers: Endgame, dealing with what happened to Captain America at the end of the film. I came up with an idea I love, Bernie helped me shape it, and I've been working on it like gangbusters. Two chapters are posted, and I've already written four chapters total and over four thousand words. I've been compulsively refreshing to watch the hit counter go up, which it has, though I admit not as much as I'd hoped. I'm updating it a chapter a week on Tuesdays until it's done, and I'm hopeful attention will pick up as I go on adding more. But I find myself obsessing over why it's gotten so few comments and "kudos," the AO3 site's ridiculous facile equivalent of a "like." It's stupid, but it makes me worry people click on it, aren't interested, and navigate away.
I shouldn't worry about it. I'm writing it because I like it. It's not like it matters if some dumb fan fic gets popular. But I want the little dopamine boost. Especially given how hard it is to get people to pay attention or care about anything I write. It makes me happy to refresh and see that one more person has read it.
I've always been inclined to it. When I was a kid, especially in high school, I think I must have scribbled thousands upon thousands of words for fan fic ideas I had. Since forever I've had that nerd-tendency to obsess over stories I like, and particular enjoyment in a thing often wants to express in me creatively somehow. But despite all that work, at that I didn't really have any process or discipline for finishing pieces, so unfortunately I don't have a ton to show for it. Still, there a few things that ended up seeing the light of day, and on my AO3 profile there are a handful of works that may appear to be dated to the early 2000's, but I actually originally wrote when I was between 13 and 17. It's not that they're terrible— for a child, some of it is downright GREAT —but they're definitely not representative of my current work.
I know these days I very much need to be spending most of my time, energy, and focus on original work. But I'm finishing fics now, since I've learned how to finish things. I've always liked challenging myself to see if I could create pieces that felt like additional stories within someone else's world. And I really like the instant gratification of seeing hit counters tick up as people read your work. One of my great frustrations in my current career is how hard it is to get people to pay attention to original stuff, so when it gets to be too discouraging, I like to at least know that the name recognition of my fan fic has attracted somebody's attention to what I've written.
Not— unfortunately —that any fic of mine has ever gotten all that popular. I like to blame the fact that I write stuff that agrees with established canon, and isn't focused on white boys kissing. If I like the story, I like it by and large as it is, and I can't get engaged in stuff that throws it out the window. But it seems like fan fic writing circles lean heavily toward alternative imaginings and slash, so it seems my stuff has never excessively appealed. The closest I've ever come to "popular" was "Dad Body," my Into the Spider-Verse fic, which got some good response. It's cute and engaging, depicting the moment the film only implies where Peter B. Parker goes to try and reconcile with Mary Jane. But it's nowhere near high-traffic in the grand scheme of these things.
Right now I'm working quite enthusiastically away on "As Long as He Needs," a (very spoilery) story for Avengers: Endgame, dealing with what happened to Captain America at the end of the film. I came up with an idea I love, Bernie helped me shape it, and I've been working on it like gangbusters. Two chapters are posted, and I've already written four chapters total and over four thousand words. I've been compulsively refreshing to watch the hit counter go up, which it has, though I admit not as much as I'd hoped. I'm updating it a chapter a week on Tuesdays until it's done, and I'm hopeful attention will pick up as I go on adding more. But I find myself obsessing over why it's gotten so few comments and "kudos," the AO3 site's ridiculous facile equivalent of a "like." It's stupid, but it makes me worry people click on it, aren't interested, and navigate away.
I shouldn't worry about it. I'm writing it because I like it. It's not like it matters if some dumb fan fic gets popular. But I want the little dopamine boost. Especially given how hard it is to get people to pay attention or care about anything I write. It makes me happy to refresh and see that one more person has read it.
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