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breakinglight11Just finished my very last bit of student feedback on research papers. With that, I am finally done with my fall semester. Took me long enough!
This also concludes my first semester as a full-time faculty instructor at Lesley. My feelings a bit complex on it. I’m very grateful I had the opportunity; it was a really good career step for me. I also think I did very good work. I worked extremely hard and I’d say pretty successfully to support my students; with the level of intervention I was able to put in, everyone in my classes passed except one, with many others helped in other sections as well. I’m proud of how well I did on that level.
But I have to admit, it was harder on me that I thought it would be. That level of proactive outreach and direct student intervention was a lot of work— I think in some ways because of being an introvert. It was a lot of bothering people and intense personal contact. And I never did really figure out the right boundary to draw on making myself available to students. Unless I had a preexisting appointment of some kind, I mostly just met them whenever they could, even if it was outside of my office hours and inconvenient. It took a lot out of me, to the point where it made me feel like I wasn’t up to the task.
I did have maybe two weeks in there where I felt like I was getting the hang out of it— but it was very late in the semester, much later than I expected, and then preparation for finals crashed in. During that time I had so many students who needed help I was doing almost double the amount of meeting hours, and it threw off all my equilibrium again. So, I don’t know, maybe I did actually reach a turning point and the last handful of weeks were just worse; maybe it won’t feel so hard without that volume of kids. But it was kind of discouraging to feel like I had to work SO HARD just to get the job done. Like, if I were better at it, it wouldn’t be so hard.
I’ve been thinking about what, if anything, I may be able to adjust for this coming semester. There are limitations to what’s in my control, but if there is anything, I’d like to find it. I think the trouble is this position is temporary until I can prove it’s worth the money, so I feel such pressure to go ABOVE AND BEYOND so they’ll let me keep it. So drawing reasonable boundaries on my time and availability is tough, for fear that I won’t end up being useful enough. It’s good for me to have this job, so I’d like it to continue. But I think I need to change something about the way I do it. Unfortunately, that may not be an option until (unless) the question of whether I’m worth it is resolved.
This also concludes my first semester as a full-time faculty instructor at Lesley. My feelings a bit complex on it. I’m very grateful I had the opportunity; it was a really good career step for me. I also think I did very good work. I worked extremely hard and I’d say pretty successfully to support my students; with the level of intervention I was able to put in, everyone in my classes passed except one, with many others helped in other sections as well. I’m proud of how well I did on that level.
But I have to admit, it was harder on me that I thought it would be. That level of proactive outreach and direct student intervention was a lot of work— I think in some ways because of being an introvert. It was a lot of bothering people and intense personal contact. And I never did really figure out the right boundary to draw on making myself available to students. Unless I had a preexisting appointment of some kind, I mostly just met them whenever they could, even if it was outside of my office hours and inconvenient. It took a lot out of me, to the point where it made me feel like I wasn’t up to the task.
I did have maybe two weeks in there where I felt like I was getting the hang out of it— but it was very late in the semester, much later than I expected, and then preparation for finals crashed in. During that time I had so many students who needed help I was doing almost double the amount of meeting hours, and it threw off all my equilibrium again. So, I don’t know, maybe I did actually reach a turning point and the last handful of weeks were just worse; maybe it won’t feel so hard without that volume of kids. But it was kind of discouraging to feel like I had to work SO HARD just to get the job done. Like, if I were better at it, it wouldn’t be so hard.
I’ve been thinking about what, if anything, I may be able to adjust for this coming semester. There are limitations to what’s in my control, but if there is anything, I’d like to find it. I think the trouble is this position is temporary until I can prove it’s worth the money, so I feel such pressure to go ABOVE AND BEYOND so they’ll let me keep it. So drawing reasonable boundaries on my time and availability is tough, for fear that I won’t end up being useful enough. It’s good for me to have this job, so I’d like it to continue. But I think I need to change something about the way I do it. Unfortunately, that may not be an option until (unless) the question of whether I’m worth it is resolved.
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