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breakinglight11Ugh, really not happy with this one. It’s meant to be the opening scene of Hawking part 7, which means it needs to grab the viewer, but it’s really not up to snuff. I found as I was struggling to draft this, I wasn’t as sure what I wanted to do with it as I thought. It’s Mary and Nathaniel communicating through letters between New York and London, a dramatic device I’ve always wanted to include. (I got talked out of having Justin and Nathaniel use it to interact in Gentlemen Never Tell.)
It’s a perfect opportunity to establish the status quo of the story as they update each other on their lives. And to show how much they miss each other, and how they’re still close even after two years apart. But I feel like it should be doing more… though drafting it now, I’m not sure what. I kind of just went with the idea that Mary and Nathaniel could narrate a cool fight— a way to get an element of excitement and spectacle in the show, way up top to grab interest right away. But it feels like it should be doing more to shape the ideas, and I’m not sure in what. Should it be a framing device for the entire show, as if all the events are from letters they’re writing to each other? Should it be that they go from trying to be as positive as possible in their opening letters, while willing to admit things are harder than that in their closing ones? Is there some other important change I can use it to convey? I guess I need to figure out how Mary and Nathaniel would communicate their takeaways from their experiences in this installment overall, and try to make that felt.
Definitely not there yet.
Photo by Jacob LaRocca
Day #14 - “Dearest Mary, My Dear Nathaniel”
From Mrs. Hawking 7 by Phoebe Roberts
VICTORIA HAWKING, society avengers, early fifties
MARY SWANN, society avenger and her former protege, early thirties
NATHANIEL HAWKING, her nephew and assistant, mid thirties
New York, New York, 1890
~~~
(MARY and NATHANIEL sit on opposite extreme corners of a darkened stage, writing letters to one another.)
MARY: Dearest Nathaniel.
NATHANIEL: My dear Mary.
MARY: So much has happened since our last letters!
NATHANIEL: We’ve made such progress in the case.
MARY: When Mrs. Landingham first came to me, she thought it was a local gang hounding her— they’d been known to run protection rings around the neighborhood.
NATHANIEL: The ruffians who’d been troubling the Widow Easterbrook were harder to track down than we’d thought.
MARY: But it turned out they’d been hired by a local rival! To fright her into closing up shop.
NATHANIEL: They were part of the Growlers, preying on the most desperate in Bethnal Green.
MARY: So I followed them back to where they made their lair…
NATHANIEL: We hunted them down to where they were keeping the goods…
MARY / NATHANIEL: And that’s when the fight broke out!
(Ruffians rush in from both sides of the stage, MRS. HAWKING following on one. On opposite sides, MARY and MRS. HAWKING fight as mirror images. MARY defeats her opponent and snatches a pouch from him.)
MARY: I found the money they’d wrung out of Mrs. Landingham! And sent them back to their employer with a warning to leave her bakery alone.
(NATHANIEL picks up a crate as MRS. HAWKING fights.)
NATHANIEL: We recovered the cargo, but things didn’t go so smoothly…
(MRS. HAWKING is injured and falters. NATHANIEL whirls and fires a warning shot, starting the ruffian. It is enough time for MRS. HAWKING to recover and knock her enemy out. NATHANIEL hands her the crate, which she tucks under her arm before rushing out.)
NATHANIEL: We were lucky to get away clean.
(Pause.)
NATHANIEL: That’s been happening more and more these days. She’s, well… the Ripper left her in quite a state. And time is marching on.
MARY: Yes. It is.
(Pause.)
NATHANIEL: Do I talk about her too much?
MARY: I want to hear about your doings!
NATHANIEL: Well. I do my best, but… it’s not the same without you, of course.
MARY: It’s not the same without you either.
NATHANIEL: But you’re well? You, Arthur, and sweet little Tory? The picture you sent was darling.
MARY: We are! There’s so much to do in New York, and every kind of person. You must come see it some time.
NATHANIEL: I shall have to visit! It’s been too long since we’ve seen one another. Reggie and Beatrice are practically grown now— our young man’s away to school this year, and our young lady thinks she’s far too sophisticated for the likes of us. Thank God for Clara to set us all straight, or it would be too much for me, it truly would.
MARY: I do hope you’ll let me know what they’re up to. I’m sorry I’m not there to see it.
NATHANIEL: If you’ll do the same for your girl. I am so pleased you are busy, and healthy, and happy with your new family. Even if it’s away across the sea, where I must miss you.
MARY: And I wish you all the strength and joy in the world, for you and all of yours.
NATHANIEL: Take care, my dearest friend.
MARY: All my love…
NATHANIEL: As ever, I affectionately remain…
MARY: Mary Swann.
NATHANIEL: Nathaniel Hawking.
It’s a perfect opportunity to establish the status quo of the story as they update each other on their lives. And to show how much they miss each other, and how they’re still close even after two years apart. But I feel like it should be doing more… though drafting it now, I’m not sure what. I kind of just went with the idea that Mary and Nathaniel could narrate a cool fight— a way to get an element of excitement and spectacle in the show, way up top to grab interest right away. But it feels like it should be doing more to shape the ideas, and I’m not sure in what. Should it be a framing device for the entire show, as if all the events are from letters they’re writing to each other? Should it be that they go from trying to be as positive as possible in their opening letters, while willing to admit things are harder than that in their closing ones? Is there some other important change I can use it to convey? I guess I need to figure out how Mary and Nathaniel would communicate their takeaways from their experiences in this installment overall, and try to make that felt.
Definitely not there yet.
Photo by Jacob LaRocca
Day #14 - “Dearest Mary, My Dear Nathaniel”
From Mrs. Hawking 7 by Phoebe Roberts
VICTORIA HAWKING, society avengers, early fifties
MARY SWANN, society avenger and her former protege, early thirties
NATHANIEL HAWKING, her nephew and assistant, mid thirties
New York, New York, 1890
~~~
(MARY and NATHANIEL sit on opposite extreme corners of a darkened stage, writing letters to one another.)
MARY: Dearest Nathaniel.
NATHANIEL: My dear Mary.
MARY: So much has happened since our last letters!
NATHANIEL: We’ve made such progress in the case.
MARY: When Mrs. Landingham first came to me, she thought it was a local gang hounding her— they’d been known to run protection rings around the neighborhood.
NATHANIEL: The ruffians who’d been troubling the Widow Easterbrook were harder to track down than we’d thought.
MARY: But it turned out they’d been hired by a local rival! To fright her into closing up shop.
NATHANIEL: They were part of the Growlers, preying on the most desperate in Bethnal Green.
MARY: So I followed them back to where they made their lair…
NATHANIEL: We hunted them down to where they were keeping the goods…
MARY / NATHANIEL: And that’s when the fight broke out!
(Ruffians rush in from both sides of the stage, MRS. HAWKING following on one. On opposite sides, MARY and MRS. HAWKING fight as mirror images. MARY defeats her opponent and snatches a pouch from him.)
MARY: I found the money they’d wrung out of Mrs. Landingham! And sent them back to their employer with a warning to leave her bakery alone.
(NATHANIEL picks up a crate as MRS. HAWKING fights.)
NATHANIEL: We recovered the cargo, but things didn’t go so smoothly…
(MRS. HAWKING is injured and falters. NATHANIEL whirls and fires a warning shot, starting the ruffian. It is enough time for MRS. HAWKING to recover and knock her enemy out. NATHANIEL hands her the crate, which she tucks under her arm before rushing out.)
NATHANIEL: We were lucky to get away clean.
(Pause.)
NATHANIEL: That’s been happening more and more these days. She’s, well… the Ripper left her in quite a state. And time is marching on.
MARY: Yes. It is.
(Pause.)
NATHANIEL: Do I talk about her too much?
MARY: I want to hear about your doings!
NATHANIEL: Well. I do my best, but… it’s not the same without you, of course.
MARY: It’s not the same without you either.
NATHANIEL: But you’re well? You, Arthur, and sweet little Tory? The picture you sent was darling.
MARY: We are! There’s so much to do in New York, and every kind of person. You must come see it some time.
NATHANIEL: I shall have to visit! It’s been too long since we’ve seen one another. Reggie and Beatrice are practically grown now— our young man’s away to school this year, and our young lady thinks she’s far too sophisticated for the likes of us. Thank God for Clara to set us all straight, or it would be too much for me, it truly would.
MARY: I do hope you’ll let me know what they’re up to. I’m sorry I’m not there to see it.
NATHANIEL: If you’ll do the same for your girl. I am so pleased you are busy, and healthy, and happy with your new family. Even if it’s away across the sea, where I must miss you.
MARY: And I wish you all the strength and joy in the world, for you and all of yours.
NATHANIEL: Take care, my dearest friend.
MARY: All my love…
NATHANIEL: As ever, I affectionately remain…
MARY: Mary Swann.
NATHANIEL: Nathaniel Hawking.
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