31 Plays in 31 Days 2025, #8 - “Count Fabulous”

[breakinglight11]

A very silly Little Monsters piece. This is inspired by a combination of two things: the meme about the bat and the toothbrush, plus the absolutely bonkers lore snippet that Draculaura is unaware that her pet Count Fabulous is actually an ancient evil vampire who’s trapped in bat form.





Day #8 - “Count Fabulous”
From Little Monsters
By Phoebe Roberts

COUNT FABULOUS, an ancient vampire trapped in bat form
LAGOONA BLUE, a sea monster girl
DRACULAURA, a vampire girl
~~~

(LAGOONA comes upon Draculaura’s pet bat COUNT FABULOUS. She reaches out and pets his little beribboned head.)

LAGOONA: Aw. Aren’t you cute?

COUNT FABULOUS: (Eastern-European accent) Cute? Cute? How dare you condescend?

LAGOONA: Wait, you can talk?

COUNT FABULOUS: Foolish child! Have you any idea who it is you address? Once I was the most feared and terrible vampire to ever haunt the wind-ravaged steppes. For centuries, I fed upon the living blood of men powerless to stop me, whom I drove like cattle before me as they prayed for a mercy that would never come. I was the nightmare that haunted the dreams of their children! I was the hell that scourged upon this mortal earth!

LAGOONA: Wow. Metal.

COUNT FABULOUS: Such as you cannot imagine! And now… now, see how I am reduced! I am the impotent thrall of a heedless child, a cosseted lap pet in cruel mockery of my once-great dominion! A waste of my fathomless power!

LAGOONA: Well, wait. If you’re so powerful, why don’t you just transform out of your bat form and leave?

(Enter DRACULAURA, who gathers up COUNT FABULOUS and carries him away.)

DRACULAURA: There you are, my little Count Fabulous! Would you like Mama to do the brushy-brushy?

(Pause.)

LAGOONA: Oh. That’s why.

COUNT FABULOUS: (Off) Use the toothbrush, please.