Getting over that popped button

I popped another button on a pair of jeans the other day. Promptly collapsed into a self-hating mess that I had to dig myself out of before I could be a functional human being again. In order to make that happen, had to think through some things to get myself out of that headspace.

When I was in undergrad, this is pretty typical of how I dressed every day. Jeans (size zero Lucky's) and a shirt short enough to show at least a little bit of midriff. My stomach, obsessed over constantly by me, was one of my best features, and I liked to show it off.  

Now I have a day job, in an office with a professional dress code. It's frequent I'll go weeks at a time without wearing jeans, because it would mean going through a whole second set of clothes after work. I don't always want to generate that much laundry. And the whole bare midriff thing in the professional world certainly does not give off a vibe of "take me seriously." But I've also done it less because I've put on weight. I am ever so slightly too big for my old jeans, and while it's mostly okay, I wore them tight enough already that I don't exactly have a lot of growing room. And I hate the muffin top look, the look of being squishy. I am less enthused to show off a midriff that is less lovely than it was before.

I know I'm being melodramatic. I'm still small enough that I still get referred to as "the skinny one" and have people marvel at how child's-sized my clothes are. But I've been thin enough in the past to model underwear. To have those jeans fit like someone painted them on me. And going from that to popping buttons is depressing like I can't express. I look at pictures of my old body, remember how my pants used to fit, and can't help but feel like things have gone a little wrong.

But you know, the more I get hung up on my literal size, the less that size becomes associated with how good I actually look. Which is what I really care about, of course. Yes, I probably have a little bit too much attachment to that little zero on the tag in my dress, but I really just like having nice narrow waist to allow my decidedly non-childbearing hips to seem somewhat full by contrast, and smooth muscle on my tummy. Yeah, well-defined abdominals someday would be nice-- I have a kidney and a liver in near-mint condition if someone would like to trade --but I will settle. And even a little heavier, I need to focus on the evidence of my eyes. Something that can't be quantified in inches or pounds. And you know what? I'm still looking pretty good.

And yeah, I'm looking to drop a little of the extra weight. I'm already working to tone back up. But giving myself a complex about it is not going to help me feel better about my body. Which is what I really want.

Gritty Reboots of Great 90s Cartoons dream!

Oh, oh, awesome dreams last night! This is especially cool because I never remember good dreams! Usually only the bad, insecurity-needling ones where my loved ones reject me and horrible things happen! But last night was apparently all about a cavalcade of Gritty Reboots of Great 90s Cartoons! Or maybe more like Gritty Sequels and/or Prequels of Great 90s Cartoons!

One of them was a Gummi Bears prequel show, about when the bears were dying off and being forced into hiding because of the moving in of humans. The bears were kind of like a renegade resistance element trying to figure out how to deal. The main character was a female bear who I think my brain parsed as a young Grammi Gummi, but she didn't look like her, she was a gray bear instead of brown. The other was was like a sequel to Gargoyles, with a mysterious time traveling visitor who looked like Elisa Maza used the Phoenix Gate to bring characters to a space station in the future. I don't remember as much about that one, but I remember my mind being blown.

So awesome. God, I miss the Disney Afternoon. Kids' cartoons were so much better in the 90s. Aw, man. If only it'd also had, like, Steampunk TaleSpin, this would have been the Best Dream Ever.

I made a preppy beige and burgundy skirt!

Oh, my God, guys, I made a skirt! A skirt for which I drafted the pattern myself! And it fits me great and came together nicely despite the fact that I'm still new to a lot of these techniques!

I sized it to fit to my hips instead of my waist, so I didn't have to worry about darts. And I was careful about where my seamlines fell so that the fit was on. I love how it flares out just a little to hug the shape of my hips.

I inserted my very first invisible zipper, which went in okay. Not perfect, I wish I'd gotten the edges closer together, it gaps as the skirt stretches with me as you can see, but it looks pretty presentable. The sloper instructions tells you how to make a waistband, but it looks so nice as it is. The only thing that it might help is the slightly messy top edge where the zipper ends. I may skip the waistband, but I should probably sew in a hook and eye at least.

I even managed to match the lines of the plaid to itself pretty well! At least the horizontal lines. But it doesn't look too weird.

This fabric started life as a valance curtain I got at the thrift store, so I used the finished edges it already had for the waist and hem of the skirt. That happened to work out cleanly, I thought I was at least going to have to make a new hem. The other thing the instructions recommend is a lining, which I may also eschew. It fits so nicely as it, a lining would make it heavier. Also, I've never lined anything before, so maybe I don't want to risk messing up the skirt.

It probably needs a few finishing touches, but I'm really happy with it. I'd like to wear it tomorrow, though it might be a little short for the office. Still, it's so preppy and chic, and my legs have been looking so long and toned lately, it might be a shame not to. ;-)