All that time lost

I found a downloadable PDF version of Lundy Bancroft’s book, “Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men,” which identifies the motivations and behaviors of abusive partners, and have been reading through it. It’s a really well-done book, providing a very clear explanation of how to know an abusive behavior when you see one, and with a tone completely supportive of the victim.

It’s not perfect—he seems to think due to social structures it is next to impossible for a woman to abuse a man the same way, which I don’t agree with, but I think it’s mostly there so that women don’t allow people to tell them that they’re the abusive ones, like many of their abusive partners do. I’m glad of the education, and I think there are many people it can help to get out of abusive relationships. I wish I’d had something like this many years earlier, though, and reading it now tends to just stir up a lot of bad memories.

( Trigger warning: partner abuse. )

Running home for the end

My dad called today to say that my mom's nurses think that it is very likely that she will pass in the next few days. It's hard to say these things for sure, but she's showing all the signs of multi-system failure, and while there is a possibility she could linger, my dad, who has been right with her through every moment of her illness, thinks he can see her slipping away. So my brother and I are pushing up our next visit and going home tomorrow morning. Just to see if we can be there at the end. It's going to suck, and she's on enough pain medication that she may not be lucid, but we're going. We'll be there if now is the time.