Feminist rant on appearence reactions

[breakinglight11]

I recently read an article about women's fear of dressing "sexy" because they're afraid of not being respected and being viewed as inappropriate. And I gotta say, some of the thoughts really irked my feminist anxieties.

First of all, I thought the article did a poor job of defining what it meant by "sexy." Do we mean "looking really good such that people think we're hot?" Do we mean "showing a lot of skin?" Do we mean "with the intent to elicit a sexual reaction?" Because in my opinion, those things are very different, and while there may be some overlap, I do not believe there always is.

I always aim to look attractive, both to my own standard, to general opinion, and to the opposite sex. So I would say I always try to "look hot"-- I want people to think I'm hot. I don't think any woman should be at fault for that; who doesn't want to look good, even attractive, as they define it? Maybe it's going a little too far if you're trying to get any real, immediate sexual reaction out of people in a context where that is not appropriate. But I honestly I think you'd have to go pretty extreme in how you're dressing in order to get a lot of that. And I feel like that extremity makes it is pretty easy to identify when that intent is present.

honestly, I don't really agree with the notion that skin automatically is about eliciting sexual reaction. I'm sure all of you know by now that I like showing skin. I think there's a degree of it that people are not such animals as to be totally revved up about when they see it. Being small-busted, necklines have to be pretty damn low in order to seem even vaguely provocative on me. I do tend to show my midriff a lot, at least the little strip of it between my waistband and the hem of my shirt. Is my typical inch-wide band of skin there really anything more than a fun and cute little touch? I think it looks hot, sure, but as I said, there's a difference between looking hot and actually looking like you're trolling for arousal.

Now, make no mistake, I'm not saying every look is appropriate for every situation. And sure, there's a limit of when some is too much. Save the plunging decolletages, the belt skirts, and the crop tops for having fun with, not anywhere that sort of thing would be inappropriately provocative. Though honestly I don't find any of my dressing habits to be that extreme, even I tone it down a little for, say, going to work. I've thrown on camisoles under low necklines and buttoned a few more buttons than I might otherwise. But I really don't see anything wrong with showing a moderate bit of skin. My workplace isn't all that conservative about dress, and if there's a different standard at yours, you should of course observe it. Heh, when I asked about the dress code when I first came to work there, literally the answer I got was, "Uh... no mirco-minis?" Well, okay, then. I've never heard a word about my belly, and I can't remember any serious context in which I felt less respected due to how much skin I was showing.

Maybe it's just that I have never felt terribly bothered by objectification. I've only felt I was being objectified a handful of times in my life, and I found these occasions to be moronic rather than hurtful. I know I'm not an object-- nobody has the power to actually turn me into one, regardless of how they see me. Yes, I am very pretty, thanks for noticing. I'm sorry that you're too much of a moron to realize that I'm smart too. Perhaps it might have been different if the objectification ever came from anyone with any power over me-- a boss, for example --to make consequences come of their reduction of me to object status, but in general, I find it to be that person's problem, not mine. As I said-- I'm not an object, and even if they treat me that way, nobody on earth has the power to make me into one. 

And that brings me to another point-- these days, are men in general inclined to that kind of behavior? It's not the fucking fifties anymore, people. Maybe I've just had unusually fortunate experience, but I have found most men I've interacted with have internalized the notion that women are more than just pretty sexy things. That a woman dressing pretty, even sexy, does not automatically negate the possibility that she's got a lot going on upstairs as well.

I feel like this is predicated on a pretty offensive assumption about men as hyper-sexual beasts such that an attractive girl showing a little more skin than usual equals an automatic horny reaction that blots out all thought of that girl being a human being. Yuck. So sexist, so unfair, and I pray to God, so inaccurate. Do people really see men as lust-landmines that are going to explode with inappropriate behavior the minute something they find sexy sets them off? How patronizing! They're not animals, for Christ's sake. And if there ARE actually men like that, whose attraction to a woman cancels out any regard for her intellect or personhood, those men are creepy and fucked up and THEY are the problem and the ones that need to shape up, not the woman they're reacting to.

And I gotta say, I really hate this panic-reaction so many women have about, "OMG, he thinks I'm hot, now he won't respect me as a person!" Oh, get over yourself. WHY is it assumed that respect and attraction can't coexist? That being sexy and being smart mutually exclude one another? I find that not only insulting to men, but to women as well! Women can either be seen as respectable and capable, OR attractive and sexy? Screw that! I am a beautiful, smoking-hot woman who acts, directs, cooks, designs, organizes, and writes everything from larps to plays to poetry! Don't you forget for a minute that I've got beauty AND brains!

Is an inch-wide band of skin that I think is cute going to light the fires of brain-consuming lust? Nuh-uh. Is my being seen as a sexy woman negate the truth that I am also an intelligent and capable one? No on your life! And while yeah, it's important to hold men to a proper standard, we need to not turn them into the enemy when they don't deserve it.

And that's today's feminist rant. Your thoughts?

Comments

[emp42ress.livejournal.com]

I agree with you under most contexts. However, I teach and I supervise undergraduates. I explicitly do not want these people to think about me as a sexual being, I want them to treat me as an asexual teacher with whom they relate on a science basis. I know there are other women in my department who do not feel this need, but the last thing I want is for one of my students to think I'm attractive, that can lead to all sorts of problems. I tend to wear masculinizing clothing (loose slacks, loose button up shirts) when I'm teaching intentionally because of that.

[in-water-writ.livejournal.com]

I've definitely been patronized in the workplace for being a cute girl. Not disrespected, exactly, but my abilities were prejudged based on gender, and the behavior displayed in reaction to that was based on appearance.

As an intern, part of my job was to transport computers from one floor to another. Older men in the IT department, though not my sub-dept, would see me carrying a cpu and say, "do you want me to carry that, sweetie? Shouldn't one of the guys do that?" Even when I was not struggling, and did not appear to be. These men were IT, but not Help Desk, and in most cases, had been in desk jobs for a long time, and would probably be more likely to hurt themselves lifting things than I was. Also, it was basically entirely out of their way and not even remotely related to any of their work for them to carry things.

I know they really were being nice, and I've often said working near them was like having an extra set of uncles, but I know they wouldn't have offered were I male, and that they wouldn't have been calling me sweetie if I was older or had an unfortunate appearance. And though I appreciate that they wanted to do something nice, I really wish they hadn't even considered that I might not be able to do this thing that's part of my job just because I'm a girl.

That's one of the reasons I never wore heels, open toe shoes, or skirts. I didn't want to encourage this image of me as a dainty girl.

[hanasaseru.livejournal.com]

Honestly, I find your brand of feminism refreshing. I think too many feminist viewpoints are very focused on making men the enemy, and I agree, men don't need to be patronized or demonized any more than a woman's wardrobe choices and her desire to look attractive should be. I mean, there's obviously a matter of location and context, but I pretty much completely agree with you on this issue.

[twilighttremolo.livejournal.com]

I agree with pretty much everything you said here, but I think there are some cases in which dressing sexually is a problem, cases that don't involve tons of cleavage, etc. I have a bit of a thing against teetery high heels in general, but I think it's just silly when women wear them and then expect to be taken seriously in a professional setting. High heels that make you taller, fine. High heels that are so tall, pointy, or both that you can't walk normally, on the other hand, make women look more vulnerable and often actually make them more vulnerable. Women who want to do that on a night out have that right, but in the office, it's weird. IMHO. I think this is my criteria for thinking that an attractive-making garment is unprofessional -- the things that suggest or create weakness in a way that is or is supposed to be sexy. I'd probably also object to a particularly corsetty corset top in an office setting.
Anyway. that's my ranty response.

[darkoni]

Attraction and respect absolutely coexist, and always should. Attraction withough respect is not real attraction.

[juldea.livejournal.com]

(1) "trolling for arousal" is an awesome phrase.

(2) You NEED to know this song: http://www.geologicrecords.net/sounds/brainsbodyboth.mp3 (It is unprotected & free on the website, so I don't feel bad linking. Alternately, read lyrics here: http://potomac9499.wordpress.com/2009/06/16/george-hrabs-brains-body-both/)