First day of school jitters
Jun. 24th, 2011 09:37 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
breakinglight11Today at 3PM my graduate school will officially start. I am at work right now, getting in a few hours before I must get to Porter Square and walk over to the small campus of Lesley University. And I am still a little nervous.
Why? What's wrong with me? I've been wanting to go back to school since the end of undergrad. And I'm going to be intensely studying the subject that is most interesting to me. I'm happy about all that. So what am I afraid of?
I think it's the work and the focus it's going to take. I have felt so weary lately, so drained by work, by responsibility, by pretty much everything. I am afraid that adding more, of the particularly demanding level that graduate work is, is going to be overwhelming. It isn't as if I fear I'm not equal to it. I mean, yeah, I know I'll get through it, I always do, but I always have a hard time letting go and relaxing when I anticipate stress. Am I heading for a period of constant exhaustion? Will that make me resent everything I'm doing?
I'm being silly. This is of course a good thing for me. It's just hard to feel so blown all the time and know you're bringing more responsibility into your life. But I already like the look of what I'm going to be studying and writing. I already got my study plan for my independent study of iambic pentameter and it looks really interesting, including assignments that will help facilitate the writing of my plays. I want to have a larger, better body of work, and this will help me get there. I might end up enjoying it so much that it doesn't feel quite so stressful. That would be nice.
I made my plan. Leave work a little early at 1PM, then go home. Change out of work clothes into nice, more casual clothes that I have already laid out. I tried to go for pretty today, as I usually do to make up for when I'm ill at ease. Eat my lunch, packed up leftovers from the night before. Download a map of the buildings on the Lesley campus. Get my raincoat and pack my iPad into the small reinforced messenger bag I bought specifically to carry it safely. Make sure I have my phone, my headphones, and my charger just in case. Maybe grab my umbrella too on the way out. Then walk from Illyria to the commuter rail station and catch the 2:08 train into Porter. It will take me about twenty minutes to get there, which will give me a little extra time before having to get to Alumni Hall. I'm not exactly sure where that is, so maybe getting there a little early will give me time to find it.
Wish me luck, everyone. First day back to school.
Why? What's wrong with me? I've been wanting to go back to school since the end of undergrad. And I'm going to be intensely studying the subject that is most interesting to me. I'm happy about all that. So what am I afraid of?
I think it's the work and the focus it's going to take. I have felt so weary lately, so drained by work, by responsibility, by pretty much everything. I am afraid that adding more, of the particularly demanding level that graduate work is, is going to be overwhelming. It isn't as if I fear I'm not equal to it. I mean, yeah, I know I'll get through it, I always do, but I always have a hard time letting go and relaxing when I anticipate stress. Am I heading for a period of constant exhaustion? Will that make me resent everything I'm doing?
I'm being silly. This is of course a good thing for me. It's just hard to feel so blown all the time and know you're bringing more responsibility into your life. But I already like the look of what I'm going to be studying and writing. I already got my study plan for my independent study of iambic pentameter and it looks really interesting, including assignments that will help facilitate the writing of my plays. I want to have a larger, better body of work, and this will help me get there. I might end up enjoying it so much that it doesn't feel quite so stressful. That would be nice.
I made my plan. Leave work a little early at 1PM, then go home. Change out of work clothes into nice, more casual clothes that I have already laid out. I tried to go for pretty today, as I usually do to make up for when I'm ill at ease. Eat my lunch, packed up leftovers from the night before. Download a map of the buildings on the Lesley campus. Get my raincoat and pack my iPad into the small reinforced messenger bag I bought specifically to carry it safely. Make sure I have my phone, my headphones, and my charger just in case. Maybe grab my umbrella too on the way out. Then walk from Illyria to the commuter rail station and catch the 2:08 train into Porter. It will take me about twenty minutes to get there, which will give me a little extra time before having to get to Alumni Hall. I'm not exactly sure where that is, so maybe getting there a little early will give me time to find it.
Wish me luck, everyone. First day back to school.
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no subject
Date: 2011-06-24 02:20 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-06-25 05:51 am (UTC)But... break a leg, nonetheless! I know it's worry-making now, but I'm sure it'll all turn out awesomely. <3
no subject
Date: 2011-06-27 03:30 pm (UTC)