Fading fast

[breakinglight11]

Going home again this weekend, and again, not looking forward to it. Dad says Mom is fading fast. I know the hospice people came by the house last week, and though they didn't exactly tell me what that means, I can only conclude that it was to make whatever preparations necessary for Mom to die. Again, not sure exactly what those preparations might be, but it's a depressing thought to go home to.

Not to make it all about me. I'm not the one who's dying. I want to be there for her, so of course I will be. But it's rough. Trying not to let it drag me down, but not entirely succeeding.

I hate that I'm so fucking fragile. The rest of my family meets it head on a lot better than I do. I feel avoidant and cringey just thinking about it. But it's not about me.

Comments

[neuroliz.livejournal.com]

oh, my; this and the extreme unction post - yes, as others have noted, feel free to talk out as needed with friends. (btdt on mom-dying-of-cancer and yes it does indeed suck) Hoping you take space you need and allow yourself to feel the feelings and be with it as much as you need. It can feel quite crazy.