31 Plays in 31 Days, #2 - "Armchair Detective"

[breakinglight11]

I haven't felt great about the drafting process of Mrs. Hawking part 6. I know I say that or some close variation on that every year, but I have some vague memory of feeling of good about at least a few scenes of part 5. I haven't really had that at any point this time, despite being about 80% through drafting version 1. Maybe I would have said the exact same thing last time and this comes with the benefit of hindsight. Or perhaps it's because I've known I would do this story for a long time, and have been scratching on scenes for the moments that came easily for years now. Maybe I'm just all out of easy scenes. Or maybe those scenes from previous instances don't seem so good any more because of how long ago they were written, and I have to fix them up. I don't know. But whether or not it's reasonable, I'm worried this version 1 seems weaker than previous versions 1.

This is a scene— or piece of a scene, at least —that really doesn't feel like it's doing what I want it to do. By part 6, Nathaniel's ordeal from the previous story has let him off the hook with Mrs. Hawking in a way that Mary wasn't, but he's also dealing with lingering trauma from it. I want to show her feeling tender towards him in her particular cold way, but he's struggling with not really being over what happened to him, and with a lack of understanding of how to talk about or deal with it. That's supposed to be introduced in this scene, but I don't think it's really coming through yet.

Nathaniel does, however, get to make a reference I've been waiting years to do. That's fun.

This scene leads into the idea for this scene from 2017, "Learning to Shoot." Though that's a good example of a scene that needs editing up if I'm going to use it.



Day #2 - "Armchair Detective"
From Mrs. Hawking VI
By Phoebe Roberts

London, England, 1888

VICTORIA HAWKING, lady's champion of London
NATHANIEL HAWKING, her nephew and assistant
~~~

(MRS. HAWKING and NATHANIEL spar.)

MRS. HAWKING:

Again.

(He goes on the attack. She dodges and blocks.)

MRS. HAWKING:

Better. Vary your rhythm this time. And release your shoulders! I said, release your shoulders!

(She parries, pulls him close, and he startles.)

MRS. HAWKING:

Your form’s improved. But you’re telegraphing your blows.

NATHANIEL:

I know.

MRS. HAWKING:

You’ve got to practice.

NATHANIEL:

I know! I have been.

MRS. HAWKING:

But after what’s happened to you— when Frost caught you—

NATHANIEL:

I haven’t forgotten.

MRS. HAWKING:

I can’t allow you to be that vulnerable. Not again. If you’re going afield at all on cases, then you’re going to be able to defend yourself.

NATHANIEL:

I suppose. If only I were clever enough that I could puzzle things out from an armchair with a pound of shag tobacco.

MRS. HAWKING:

For heaven’s sake, are you still on about that bloody book?

NATHANIEL:

I thought it was cracking. And quite funny, considering what we do.

MRS. HAWKING:

Sensationalist fantasy. No one knows enough to be able to read everything all the time.

NATHANIEL:

Still, I quite enjoyed it. Perhaps Mary and I should chronicle your cases for posterity.

MRS. HAWKING:

You wouldn’t dare. Or perhaps you would, what would I know of it?

NATHANIEL:

Oh, please don’t say that.

MRS. HAWKING:

Then don’t change the subject. Some day you will be in danger again. And there won’t always be someone there to pull you out of it. Do you want to spend another week tied to a chair in some villain’s cellar?

NATHANIEL:

No.

MRS. HAWKING:

Then you’ve got to learn.

NATHANIEL:

It’s only… it’s hard for me.

MRS. HAWKING:

It’s hard for anyone. But this is the job. And I need to know you’re safe.

(Pause.)

MRS. HAWKING:

(Sighing) Perhaps try this.

(She finds a gun, checks the magazine, and hands it to NATHANIEL.)