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breakinglight11Forever Captain:
“His Part to Play”
By Phoebe Roberts
~~~
Summary: “Steve Rogers has retired to the 1940s to build a new life with Peggy. In leaving behind the mantle of Captain America, at last he’s got a measure of peace. Still, Steve will never stop feeling the responsibility to step up as a hero— except he's not sure how much power his actions have at this point in the timeline. Somehow he must reconcile his new life and identity with the responsibility and burden of being a hero out of time.”
Previous chapters:
1. Lost Time
2. Building
3. Reaching
4. Bonds
5. Ghost
6. Stag Night
7. Wingmen
8. Mr. Carter
9. Smoke Gets In Your Eyes
10. Suiting Up
11. On Maneuvers
12. Waiting
13. The World’s Oldest Battle
14. A Pinch of Salt
15. Elizabeth
16. Maria
17. Swinging for the Fences
Chapter summary: Howard comes to Steve on the verge of a big decision, but he's hoping Steve will tell him a little more than just good advice.
“His Part to Play”
By Phoebe Roberts
~~~
Summary: “Steve Rogers has retired to the 1940s to build a new life with Peggy. In leaving behind the mantle of Captain America, at last he’s got a measure of peace. Still, Steve will never stop feeling the responsibility to step up as a hero— except he's not sure how much power his actions have at this point in the timeline. Somehow he must reconcile his new life and identity with the responsibility and burden of being a hero out of time.”
Previous chapters:
1. Lost Time
2. Building
3. Reaching
4. Bonds
5. Ghost
6. Stag Night
7. Wingmen
8. Mr. Carter
9. Smoke Gets In Your Eyes
10. Suiting Up
11. On Maneuvers
12. Waiting
13. The World’s Oldest Battle
14. A Pinch of Salt
15. Elizabeth
16. Maria
17. Swinging for the Fences
Chapter summary: Howard comes to Steve on the verge of a big decision, but he's hoping Steve will tell him a little more than just good advice.
~~~
18. The Marrying Kind
It had been nearly a year of this when the phone call came, out of the blue one day with a typical lack of ceremony. His hands were full with Elizabeth when he answered, pinning the phone to his ear with his shoulder. "Carter residence."
"Hey, I got a problem."
His brows drew as he recognized the voice. "Howard? Is that you?"
"Yeah. Tell me, is Peggy around?"
He rolled his eyes as he scrubbed a smudge from the corner of Elizabeth's mouth. "It's the middle of the day on a Tuesday, she's at work."
"Hey, that's not a stupid question— you're home, ain't you?"
"Howard, you know I work from—" Steve cut himself off with a sigh, and decided it wasn't worth it. "Anyway, can I give her a message?"
"Actually, it ain't Carter I'm looking for. I was hoping you and I could have a word— just us fellas, you know?"
"Uh, sure. When were you thinking?"
"How about now? Since you're home and all."
"Right now?" Steve looked skyward, seeking patience, as he set Elizabeth down to play. "You remember we don't live in the city, right? You'd have to come all the way out here."
"Already did. I'm at the motor lodge on the edge of town— bullied the front desk girl into letting me use the phone."
Steve blinked. "Wow. Really went out of your way."
"Yeah, no kidding. Gal's still giving me dirty looks. It'll show her when I tip like a Rockefeller. So, you got a minute?"
He looked down at his daughter, where she had begun stacking blocks methodically on the carpet. "I don't know, I got to keep an eye on Beth—"
"Great, so you're not busy. Be there in fifteen."
It was actually more like ten, and when Steve opened the door, he pushed past him into the house with hardly a hello. "Christ, Howard, were you calling from behind the mailbox?"
"Yeah, yeah, I told you, it's important." His eyes scanned over the living room, before settling on Elizabeth where she fussed and cooed on the rug. "Is she going to keep making that noise? Talk about distracting."
Steve looked around until he found Sally, a rag doll that he'd made himself, with a carved wooden head and a body sewed out of scraps. He tucked her into Elizabeth's arms. "What do you want, Howard?"
He dithered a moment, pacing a half-circle around the room, before spinning back to Steve with his arms wide. "Should I do it, you think? Should I marry her?"
Steve stared at him, taken aback. Howard went on before he had a chance to speak. "Sounds like I lost my mind, I know. But once I started thinking about it, I couldn't get it out of my head."
Steve swallowed and found his voice. "Howard—"
"Sure as hell doesn't sound like me, does it? Getting fitted for the old ball and chain— you'd think I'd be running for the hills—"
"Howard," he tried again. "Slow down. Do you mean…?"
"Maria. She's— she's got me, Steve. I'm thinking about her all the time— can't go more than a few days before I'm jonesing for more. I haven't stepped out with anyone else in months. And what's more… I haven't wanted to."
Steve kept his expression neutral. "Sounds like it's getting serious."
Howard stared at him wide-eyed. "Damn straight it's serious. You know what it means when I go that long without getting bored?"
"I can imagine—"
"You know what that woman does to me? You wouldn't think it to look at her— she's got the lady bit down pat. But when I've got her alone— damn, pal. This one time we met in Aspen—"
"I get it—"
"She was waiting for me in my suite in the ski lodge, in, get this, nothing but a white rabbit fur coat—"
"Howard!"
"All right, all right. Your loss, it's a hell of a story." Howard scrubbed a hand over his face. "Point is, she's got me thinking about things I never thought I'd be thinking." He paced to the far side of the living room. "What was it you said, back on your stag night?"
Steve's lip quirked. "That you'd die in the arms of a twenty-year-old."
"Well, that was the plan. Much as I ever had one. But Maria… I keep thinking of making plans, Steve. The kind of plans that require commitments, if you take my meaning." Howard's brow furrowed. "And it ain't like she's got no other options. There's always some blue-blooded pencil neck sniffing around her. Nobody fun like me, but… maybe somebody she could lick into shape. And…" He swallowed, tipping his head from side to side. "I think that's what she wants. A woman like that isn't going to screw around forever."
Steve regarded him. "Would you do it for that? Is that enough?"
"If it means I get to keep her?" Howard seemed sheepish a moment, then resolute. "Yeah."
Steve had been fighting to keep his face even, but that managed to tear something in him, and he could not help it when his expression broke.
Howard saw it, and tensed. "Why you looking at me like that?"
"Well—"
He drew himself up in rising indignation. "You think I don't have it in me? You think I'd be a lousy husband?" He fixed Steve with a glare, and then deflated. "Yeah, well. I know I don't seem much like the marrying kind. Honest to God, never thought I'd ever be considering it. Without a shotgun in the small of my back, anyway."
Steve winced at that, but Howard was too distracted working up a head of steam. "And who's to say I won't go back to tomcatting the minute things settle into a routine? Maybe I don't want to give it up at all? I never did make Rita Hayworth, you know. I always meant to, but I never got around to her." Howard glanced up at him, warning. "Don't you go spreading that around. I've got a reputation to maintain."
"I'll try," Steve said dryly. "It's not like you're trying to convince anybody you're husband material."
"Hey! Is it a crime I like my freedom, like any red-blooded American? Don't you ever get tired of Carter pulling you home by your ear?"
Steve stared at him. Howard glanced down at the baby on the carpet, and then back up. "Well. If that's what turns your crank, I guess."
He resumed his pacing. "But we ain't kids anymore. After a while, a fella starts looking to the future. The sweet young things are a lot of laughs, but who's going to take care of me when my hair starts to go?"
Steve snorted, and Howard frowned at him. "I know you don't age, pal, but us regular folks worry about that."
His hair wasn't going to go, if the pictures Steve had seen were any indication, but he wasn't about to tell Howard that. Steve watched the man as he heaved a sigh, and perched on the arm of the couch. "Speaking of you, I guess… that brings me to why I'm here."
Steve dredged up a weak grin. "What are you looking for, boss? Want me to sell you on the joys of married life? Or remind you of what a dog you are to scare you away? 'Cause I could do either."
Howard fixed him with a look that left him suddenly cold. "Look, pal, let's cut the shit."
Steve stared back at him, uncomprehending. Howard's eyes narrowed.
"I did the math, Steve. Even if I kick it before you woke up, you had to know about me. If you didn't, you wouldn't be so worried about what you let slip."
So that was it. Steve set his teeth. "Howard. We've been over this."
"Yeah, yeah, I don't want to know—"
"More than that," he cut in. "This isn't the same timeline. Things might be different now. If only because I'm here— and we have no way of knowing how much."
"Come on, man. How could I not ask? Are you telling me you aren't going to make use of the things you know?"
"Like I said."
"I'm not talking about election results, or who to bet on in the World Series. Just what happens in one guy's life. Like, for example, if he got hitched, who he hitched to, and if that hitching took."
Steve busied himself with Elizabeth to avoid meeting his eyes. "I don't know how your marriage goes, Howard."
The other man swooped on that like a striking falcon. "But I do get married, don't I? To Maria?"
What was he supposed to say? "Couldn't tell you if you get along, but you might have forty good years before you both get murdered in the street. I do know you end up making a kid you probably didn't really want, who you're going to screw up and fight with till you die. But the kid will end up saving the world, so maybe you're obligated to do it anyway?"
Howard was watching him as he wrestled with it. "It ain't just for me, you know. You don't have to tell me I'm not the easiest guy to live with. And, well… that the greater good has not always outweighed my own self-interest. You know it, I know it, the American people know it."
"What about Maria?" Steve asked. "Does she know it?"
He cracked a wry grin. "You know, I think she does. And for some reason, she likes me anyway. Most girls go running when they figure that part out. But... she knows me. And she's still here." He dropped his head, but not before Steve could see a warmth and softness creep into that smile. "She's still here."
Then he straightened, suddenly pensive again. "I think if I ask, she'll say yes. But, considering the above… maybe I shouldn't be asking." He looked to Steve then, almost pleading. "Come on, pal. Were we happy together? Do you know?"
Steve met his gaze squarely, and spoke the honest truth. "I don't. But now you need to cut the shit, Stark."
That caught Howard's attention, since Steve didn't often curse at him.
"You want to know what's what? You're asking the wrong questions. You're rich. You don't need a wife to take care of you; you've got people for that. If you're afraid of getting old alone, well— being rich takes care of that too, women will still probably go for you. And if you're worried about being unfaithful and hurting her… for God's sake, don't screw around! Simple as that."
"Hey, you try changing the habit of a lifetime—"
"Doesn't matter. You make the promise, you got to keep it. But the point is, you can't rely on some... fortune telling of whether or not it's worth it to make a woman your wife."
"I— I didn't mean it like that. I just— I wanted to know, if, well…"
"You want to know if you're going to be happy? If it's going to work out? Nobody gets to know that, Howard. We all take that part on faith." Steve had gambled a whole reality on it.
"So… what now? How am I supposed to know?"
"There's only one question to ask. Do you love her, and want to make a life with her?"
Howard was silent a long time, and raked a hand through that head of hair that wasn't going to go. "Goddamn, Cap."
Steve half-smiled. "Ain't Cap anymore. It's Carter now." Because he loved a woman, and wanted to make a life with her.
After a moment Howard drew himself up again, like his familiar cocky self. "Wait 'til you see the rock I've been eyeing. Could prang a turret with that thing." He smiled, his old bearing returning. "It's going to knock her on her ass.”
~~~
Next chapter: 19. The Bargain
18. The Marrying Kind
It had been nearly a year of this when the phone call came, out of the blue one day with a typical lack of ceremony. His hands were full with Elizabeth when he answered, pinning the phone to his ear with his shoulder. "Carter residence."
"Hey, I got a problem."
His brows drew as he recognized the voice. "Howard? Is that you?"
"Yeah. Tell me, is Peggy around?"
He rolled his eyes as he scrubbed a smudge from the corner of Elizabeth's mouth. "It's the middle of the day on a Tuesday, she's at work."
"Hey, that's not a stupid question— you're home, ain't you?"
"Howard, you know I work from—" Steve cut himself off with a sigh, and decided it wasn't worth it. "Anyway, can I give her a message?"
"Actually, it ain't Carter I'm looking for. I was hoping you and I could have a word— just us fellas, you know?"
"Uh, sure. When were you thinking?"
"How about now? Since you're home and all."
"Right now?" Steve looked skyward, seeking patience, as he set Elizabeth down to play. "You remember we don't live in the city, right? You'd have to come all the way out here."
"Already did. I'm at the motor lodge on the edge of town— bullied the front desk girl into letting me use the phone."
Steve blinked. "Wow. Really went out of your way."
"Yeah, no kidding. Gal's still giving me dirty looks. It'll show her when I tip like a Rockefeller. So, you got a minute?"
He looked down at his daughter, where she had begun stacking blocks methodically on the carpet. "I don't know, I got to keep an eye on Beth—"
"Great, so you're not busy. Be there in fifteen."
It was actually more like ten, and when Steve opened the door, he pushed past him into the house with hardly a hello. "Christ, Howard, were you calling from behind the mailbox?"
"Yeah, yeah, I told you, it's important." His eyes scanned over the living room, before settling on Elizabeth where she fussed and cooed on the rug. "Is she going to keep making that noise? Talk about distracting."
Steve looked around until he found Sally, a rag doll that he'd made himself, with a carved wooden head and a body sewed out of scraps. He tucked her into Elizabeth's arms. "What do you want, Howard?"
He dithered a moment, pacing a half-circle around the room, before spinning back to Steve with his arms wide. "Should I do it, you think? Should I marry her?"
Steve stared at him, taken aback. Howard went on before he had a chance to speak. "Sounds like I lost my mind, I know. But once I started thinking about it, I couldn't get it out of my head."
Steve swallowed and found his voice. "Howard—"
"Sure as hell doesn't sound like me, does it? Getting fitted for the old ball and chain— you'd think I'd be running for the hills—"
"Howard," he tried again. "Slow down. Do you mean…?"
"Maria. She's— she's got me, Steve. I'm thinking about her all the time— can't go more than a few days before I'm jonesing for more. I haven't stepped out with anyone else in months. And what's more… I haven't wanted to."
Steve kept his expression neutral. "Sounds like it's getting serious."
Howard stared at him wide-eyed. "Damn straight it's serious. You know what it means when I go that long without getting bored?"
"I can imagine—"
"You know what that woman does to me? You wouldn't think it to look at her— she's got the lady bit down pat. But when I've got her alone— damn, pal. This one time we met in Aspen—"
"I get it—"
"She was waiting for me in my suite in the ski lodge, in, get this, nothing but a white rabbit fur coat—"
"Howard!"
"All right, all right. Your loss, it's a hell of a story." Howard scrubbed a hand over his face. "Point is, she's got me thinking about things I never thought I'd be thinking." He paced to the far side of the living room. "What was it you said, back on your stag night?"
Steve's lip quirked. "That you'd die in the arms of a twenty-year-old."
"Well, that was the plan. Much as I ever had one. But Maria… I keep thinking of making plans, Steve. The kind of plans that require commitments, if you take my meaning." Howard's brow furrowed. "And it ain't like she's got no other options. There's always some blue-blooded pencil neck sniffing around her. Nobody fun like me, but… maybe somebody she could lick into shape. And…" He swallowed, tipping his head from side to side. "I think that's what she wants. A woman like that isn't going to screw around forever."
Steve regarded him. "Would you do it for that? Is that enough?"
"If it means I get to keep her?" Howard seemed sheepish a moment, then resolute. "Yeah."
Steve had been fighting to keep his face even, but that managed to tear something in him, and he could not help it when his expression broke.
Howard saw it, and tensed. "Why you looking at me like that?"
"Well—"
He drew himself up in rising indignation. "You think I don't have it in me? You think I'd be a lousy husband?" He fixed Steve with a glare, and then deflated. "Yeah, well. I know I don't seem much like the marrying kind. Honest to God, never thought I'd ever be considering it. Without a shotgun in the small of my back, anyway."
Steve winced at that, but Howard was too distracted working up a head of steam. "And who's to say I won't go back to tomcatting the minute things settle into a routine? Maybe I don't want to give it up at all? I never did make Rita Hayworth, you know. I always meant to, but I never got around to her." Howard glanced up at him, warning. "Don't you go spreading that around. I've got a reputation to maintain."
"I'll try," Steve said dryly. "It's not like you're trying to convince anybody you're husband material."
"Hey! Is it a crime I like my freedom, like any red-blooded American? Don't you ever get tired of Carter pulling you home by your ear?"
Steve stared at him. Howard glanced down at the baby on the carpet, and then back up. "Well. If that's what turns your crank, I guess."
He resumed his pacing. "But we ain't kids anymore. After a while, a fella starts looking to the future. The sweet young things are a lot of laughs, but who's going to take care of me when my hair starts to go?"
Steve snorted, and Howard frowned at him. "I know you don't age, pal, but us regular folks worry about that."
His hair wasn't going to go, if the pictures Steve had seen were any indication, but he wasn't about to tell Howard that. Steve watched the man as he heaved a sigh, and perched on the arm of the couch. "Speaking of you, I guess… that brings me to why I'm here."
Steve dredged up a weak grin. "What are you looking for, boss? Want me to sell you on the joys of married life? Or remind you of what a dog you are to scare you away? 'Cause I could do either."
Howard fixed him with a look that left him suddenly cold. "Look, pal, let's cut the shit."
Steve stared back at him, uncomprehending. Howard's eyes narrowed.
"I did the math, Steve. Even if I kick it before you woke up, you had to know about me. If you didn't, you wouldn't be so worried about what you let slip."
So that was it. Steve set his teeth. "Howard. We've been over this."
"Yeah, yeah, I don't want to know—"
"More than that," he cut in. "This isn't the same timeline. Things might be different now. If only because I'm here— and we have no way of knowing how much."
"Come on, man. How could I not ask? Are you telling me you aren't going to make use of the things you know?"
"Like I said."
"I'm not talking about election results, or who to bet on in the World Series. Just what happens in one guy's life. Like, for example, if he got hitched, who he hitched to, and if that hitching took."
Steve busied himself with Elizabeth to avoid meeting his eyes. "I don't know how your marriage goes, Howard."
The other man swooped on that like a striking falcon. "But I do get married, don't I? To Maria?"
What was he supposed to say? "Couldn't tell you if you get along, but you might have forty good years before you both get murdered in the street. I do know you end up making a kid you probably didn't really want, who you're going to screw up and fight with till you die. But the kid will end up saving the world, so maybe you're obligated to do it anyway?"
Howard was watching him as he wrestled with it. "It ain't just for me, you know. You don't have to tell me I'm not the easiest guy to live with. And, well… that the greater good has not always outweighed my own self-interest. You know it, I know it, the American people know it."
"What about Maria?" Steve asked. "Does she know it?"
He cracked a wry grin. "You know, I think she does. And for some reason, she likes me anyway. Most girls go running when they figure that part out. But... she knows me. And she's still here." He dropped his head, but not before Steve could see a warmth and softness creep into that smile. "She's still here."
Then he straightened, suddenly pensive again. "I think if I ask, she'll say yes. But, considering the above… maybe I shouldn't be asking." He looked to Steve then, almost pleading. "Come on, pal. Were we happy together? Do you know?"
Steve met his gaze squarely, and spoke the honest truth. "I don't. But now you need to cut the shit, Stark."
That caught Howard's attention, since Steve didn't often curse at him.
"You want to know what's what? You're asking the wrong questions. You're rich. You don't need a wife to take care of you; you've got people for that. If you're afraid of getting old alone, well— being rich takes care of that too, women will still probably go for you. And if you're worried about being unfaithful and hurting her… for God's sake, don't screw around! Simple as that."
"Hey, you try changing the habit of a lifetime—"
"Doesn't matter. You make the promise, you got to keep it. But the point is, you can't rely on some... fortune telling of whether or not it's worth it to make a woman your wife."
"I— I didn't mean it like that. I just— I wanted to know, if, well…"
"You want to know if you're going to be happy? If it's going to work out? Nobody gets to know that, Howard. We all take that part on faith." Steve had gambled a whole reality on it.
"So… what now? How am I supposed to know?"
"There's only one question to ask. Do you love her, and want to make a life with her?"
Howard was silent a long time, and raked a hand through that head of hair that wasn't going to go. "Goddamn, Cap."
Steve half-smiled. "Ain't Cap anymore. It's Carter now." Because he loved a woman, and wanted to make a life with her.
After a moment Howard drew himself up again, like his familiar cocky self. "Wait 'til you see the rock I've been eyeing. Could prang a turret with that thing." He smiled, his old bearing returning. "It's going to knock her on her ass.”
~~~
Next chapter: 19. The Bargain
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