Beautiful

[breakinglight11]

I am very fortunate to be a pretty girl. God knows how much I enjoy it and all the ways it makes me happy. I like it very much when other people notice and think so as well. So I've never been terribly distressed to have people stare, or make comments, or randomly hit on me, or even express their appreciation in even ruder ways. Yeah, sometimes it can be disrespectful, or annoying, but I'm usually okay with it because, hey, they wouldn't be doing it if they didn't think I was attractive. It's a nice feeling when someone uninvested tells you you look good.

So, no, I don't really mind it, but sometimes I really don't understand it. I get hit on lots of random places-- on the street, at the grocery store, at malls. I was walking with a friend on Russell Street a while ago, and a car full of jerky boys slowed down to catcall and leer. I laughed and said unthinkingly, "Again? Is Waltham just full of exceptionally tacky people?" She said "it's never happened to me." It happens to me fairly frequently. It happened again earlier this week. Now, I swear I have more of a point than how very difficult the life of a good-looking girl is-- my confusion comes in here. I get it, people like pretty people and want to be around them. What I don't understand is how you can make a play for someone based on no more information than you deem them to be physically attractive.

Because when a guy comes up to you in a food court in a mall and asks for your number, how does he have any idea you're the kind of person he'd actually want to date? How do these random guys know if I'm smart or nice or fun or interesting or anything at all besides pretty? Sure, I have a nice smile and a cute tummy, but do they really want to listen to me talk about larps or watch Law and Order with me? Or are they going to find me hopelessly geeky and way too arrogant? I love looking at the pretty as much as the next deeply shallow girl, but I personally can never really want anything from anyone I'm not already interested in as a person. I don't even particularly like touching people more than normal if I don't have that interest. I guess there's a hope that something might be there-- and as a friend once said to me, though it is what's inside that counts, people are more willing to look for those good things in a person with a good exterior. I'm willing to bet at least some of the people who have had feelings for me because of who I am were at least initially drawn because of what I look like. But I need to get to know a person first before I can have anything to do with him that way, so I'm slightly confused by people who hit on me before they do anything more than see me.

Comments

[yunafonfabre.livejournal.com]

Here's what I know:

I set my online dating site to show me ONLY women aged 24-41 who are either lesbian or bisexual, who have a high match percentage on their questionnaires, and who are within the Boston metropolitan area and suburbs.

Given this list, I then look at photographs to find people I'm physically attracted to. When I find one I read their profile. If they're open-minded, articulate, have common interests, and are not poly-hostile, I message them.

Physical attraction is important. Without it, nothing else can really happen -- I'm a little shallow that way, and I have to enjoy the basic act of being proximate for someone to qualify as a date. On the other hand, I don't require it to be extreme -- looks above better-than-average are only a perq.

Now, the questionnaire they use is largely useless for anything but determining someone's general politics. So my list of criteria ends up being:

I DON'T EVEN BOTHER UNLESS I KNOW THAT THEY ARE:
1) Lesbian or female bisexual.
2) Appropriate age. (33 / 2 = 16.5 + 7 = 23.5)
3) Politically liberal.
4) Local.

I DON'T SERIOUSLY PURSUE UNLESS THEY ARE:
5) Good-looking.
6) Intelligent.
7) Compatible in terms of relationship style.
8) Interested in things I'm interested in.

Given ... given all that, I find the concept of just going around randomly hitting on anyone cute absolutely incomprehensible.

With the guys hooting out their car windows, though, I think it may be something entirely different: a way for them to affirm their masculinity to each other and blow off aggression as a group. I have never seen anyone do this when alone.

And ... while I've never been catcalled by someone who thought I was good-looking, now that I think of it I've been catcalled by cars full of teenagers or college boys insulting me. Which is quite possibly just another manifestation of the same phenomenon.