Kissing rehearsal

[breakinglight11]

Had my first kissing rehearsal for Romeo and Juliet last night. I feel like it's important to the character and scene, so I definitely want it to happen, but I confess, the idea of kissing girls creeps me out. Other people can do what they want, but when it comes to myself, I am a big sucky homophobe-baby and I'm not ashamed to admit it. So this is something I had slightly worked myself up about. Of course, when there's something I'm afraid I'm going to puss out on, I really want to do it to prove I can get it done. The first time we went through it my nerves were making me fuck up my lines and do stupid nervous-tic things like shifting my weight and tucking my hair, and I was really irritated with myself. So I asked Elana if I could do it again, and that time I really concentrated on giving a good performance and not dwelling on my icky feeling. It wasn't so bad, I guess, but it goes to further solidify my lack of understanding of the appeal of bisexuality.

A number of people I know recently decided they were bisexual, and apparently many of the mostly or nominally straight girls I know can get into the idea of other girls. I... don't get it. For me, the idea of touching or kissing a person of my own gender is, well, creepy. I guess it's a matter of "you don't really get it unless you feel it yourself," but whenever I hear about girls talking about attraction to other girls, I can't help but feel like, "But... doesn't the ick factor get in the way? Oh... you don't... have that? Oh." It's not that I can't find girls beautiful, or enjoy looking at them-- Christ, quite the opposite. But when it goes from looking to touching, the little bells go off and a part of me is just grossed out.

If that's your thing, Godspeed, of course, but for me... ew.

Comments

[hanasaseru.livejournal.com]

You're not the only person I know who has that reaction - you know, I don't know if its preference or genetic or what, but I've never seen a difference between heterosexuals who can't fathom romantic involvement with their own sex and homosexuals who feel the same way about the opposite sex, and I know both exist. There are a lot of people in between, claiming varying levels of bisexuality, but in my experience, your reaction isn't entirely uncommon either. Also, I at least don't think of you as a homophobe for it, if it's only yourself for whom you have that reaction for. Just means it's not your thing.

That being said, good luck with the kissing scene stuff, and break a leg at the show. :)

[laurion]

Indeed, I have a friend who is so heterophobic that he can't stand seeing scantily clad women in advertisements and on television. It grosses him out.

[yunafonfabre.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I can't even watch a woman kiss a man without feeling a little sick to my stomach. It's like ... that's so gross ... I really wish I WAS bisexual, since it would give me more options. But I'm not.

[pezzonovante.livejournal.com]

Don't let the haters get you down. It's not a choice, after all.

[natbudin.livejournal.com]

[breakinglight11.livejournal.com]

You know, I was considering going for a pun on "I kissed a guy and I didn't like it," but then I decided it was too easy. ;-)

[natbudin.livejournal.com]

Clearly I suffer from no such standards.

[(Anonymous)]

well, just so you know, from an objective point of view you didn't look so terribly nervous or awkward. You were actually quite smooth, line mess-ups aside - I wouldn't have guessed you were nervous.

I might add (as a side note to the string of comments) that there are in fact people in the world for whom kissing in general (persons of either gender) just doesn't come naturally. And these people are not necessarily uninterested in communing with another individual in the way that is symbolized/enacted (for most people) by a kiss. For me it isn't even an "eww gross" thing. It's just that i have never experienced the urge to put my mouth on the mouth of another person---it doesn't occur to me, and if i tried to pretend that it did (in relevant situations...which despite all appearances i have occasionally been in) i would only create awkwardness, since there would be no natural instinct or inclination guiding the action.

-Frances

[breakinglight11.livejournal.com]

Ah, thanks. :-) That's what I was hoping for.

That is interesting, and honestly something I've never considered before, perhaps very obtusely on my part. I like the way you put it, though-- And these people are not necessarily uninterested in communing with another individual in the way that is symbolized/enacted (for most people) by a kiss.

As a person who does kiss, at least for someone with the inclination the act itself is not difficult. Which is mostly why I was kicking myself for making it into such a big deal. But the inclination I suppose makes all the difference--- what makes it awkward for me is the fact that I am disinclined to kiss girls, while what would make it awkward for you is that you are disinclined to kiss anyone.