Artists record, sometimes compulsively

[breakinglight11]

Artists by their nature tend to, if not document life, at least incorporate elements of it in their work. This frequebtly leads them almost compulsively to establish some kind of metacommentary on whatever it is they do or happens to them so they can use it somehow in their work later. I read once that when Steven Speilberg's wife told him she was leaving, immediately after ran into the bathroom with his video camera so he could record the sadness in his face. While I'm not quite on that (in my opinion) bizarrely detached level, I often have similar instincts. In me this expresses in a tendency to mentally construct a summary or narrative concerning whatever it is I'm doing as I'm doing it. I sort of compose in my head what I'm going to write or say about the experience later as it's happening to me. On one hand I like this, as it helps me formulate interesting, experienced-based material to draw upon should I need it, even if it's only in the service of an interesting LiveJournal entry. Many of my entries are mostly written while their subject still went on. On the other hand, I dislike how often this tendency takes me out of the moment and keeps me from fully taking things in because I am distracted by the effort to record. I wish I could balance the two better, both crystallize material for the creation of my art but not be so focused on the meta that I lose something of the real experience itself.

Comments

[lisefrac.livejournal.com]

I do this, too. I remember as a kid I would walk into rooms and start describing it to myself as if it were something I had come across in a choose-your-own-adventure novel!

[morethings5.livejournal.com]

There was a kid at Lemberg who used to narrate the stories she acted out with her toys, adding things like "...said the doggy" and so forth.

[crearespero.livejournal.com]

I used to do this, a lot. I also used to strongly identify myself as an "artist". I don't really do either, anymore . . . even though I suppose I could be considered an artist by certain standards.

[nennivian.livejournal.com]

I used to do the "she said" and narrate to myself as a kid too!!

[marigumi.livejournal.com]

I also did the "she said" thing (or rather, "I said"), but I think I took it a step further to the point where I thought in past tense all the time. As if I were writing the novel of my life in my head as I was living it. I actively made myself stop doing this, for pretty much the reason you describe here--not living in the moment.
I do, however, think about how I will later tell the story of what is currently happening, and I dislike that I do it for, again, the same reason as you mentioned. I've been trying very hard to live in the moment recently, because I'm afraid of letting my life pass me by and not really experiencing anything.

[valleyviolet.livejournal.com]

Much like a sculptor who needs to touch things to understand them, you're a writer who needs to put things into words. If you want to try simply being and absorbing experiences, there are zen-like exercises you could try. Clearing your mind and focusing only on now, without words.

I don't think you need to feel compelled to change yourself, but it could be worthwhile to try it as a new experience. :)