breakinglight11: (Ponderous Fool)
[personal profile] breakinglight11
My equilibrium is so fragile these days. My frustration tolerance is practically nil, which just throws everything off. But yesterday was Ash Wednesday, the day we remember our mortality and the human struggle. We are but dust and to dust we shall return. So I am doing what I can to let it all go.

For Lent this year I am not going to take my usual approach of just giving something up. I am going to frame it in terms of sacrificing indulgence in the form of wasting time and energy on useless actions and unhealthy negativity. I want to give myself some assignments to stick to in order to improve my physical and emotional health. I haven't been taking very good care of myself lately-- not my body, not my mind, not anything. So I am going to impose a healthier routine on myself to see if it doesn't improve how I feel, and therefore how I am as a person. This will include:

- no junk food of any kind
- exercise at least three times a week, preferably five
- drinking more water
- scheduling time for activities (writing, sewing, etc) to make sure I actually do them
- letting things roll off my back rather than get upset and ruin my whole mood and outlook
- checking myself when I get unkind or excessively judgmental
- getting in the habit of saying daily prayers

I have a very good track record of sticking to the resolution I make for the period, so maybe if I resolve to better habits I will actually stick to it. That's kind of a tall order, but it never hurts to try. I could use a little better balance. I'm tired of feeling so off all the time. My reasoning is that if I feel stronger and more serene, I will be able to be a better human being to other people. Which I would hope is in the spirit of Lent.

Date: 2012-02-23 04:25 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] morethings5.livejournal.com
I'm sure it's not my place to judge, and I'm not trying to, but it does strike me as odd that the first word on your checklist to avoid negativity is "no." I guess what I mean to point out is that you're being pretty hard on yourself with your diet, and that in itself is a pretty dire form of negativity that is very related to the other kinds.

Date: 2012-02-23 04:51 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] breakinglight11.livejournal.com
In all honesty, my initial reaction to this is kind of that my feelings are hurt. I feel bad a lot lately about a lot of things, one of which is that I feel like in the span of just two years my appearance has changed a lot. I've gained weight, my skin and hair have a lot more problems, I just don't feel as pretty as I was, and maybe it's shallow, but it bothers me. It's always something that made me feel good in the past and now it's not anymore. I have to change something, and if the way things currently are is getting me down so much, trying the opposite seems like a logical way to see if I can feel opposite. The current state of things is not working, so I want to try something else.

I feel hurt because it feels like you are putting down my effort to do something to feel better. I want to say that just to be able to acknowledge and deal with it. But I know that's not you're intent. I know you're just trying to point out something that you fear might ultimately make me feel worse. I appreciate that you care enough to say so. Thank you for that. What I should do is be careful to make sure in trying to get rid of the bad state of affairs that I don't end up imposing a worse one on myself. Which I wasn't really thinking about until you said that.

Date: 2012-02-23 06:53 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] eva schiffer (from livejournal.com)
Maybe a more positive way to look at this is, rather than critiquing what you're trying to do, it's about how you're framing what you're trying to do.

You should do things that make you feel like a healthy happy person. It will be easier and more constructive if your phrase your goals as things you should do instead of things you should not do. For example, your first goal could be rephrased as, "I will only eat food that fits within a healthy diet and promotes my overall health and well-being."

No one here wants to shut you down. *hug*

Date: 2012-02-23 06:07 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Though I no longer consider myself a member of the faith, "Memento Homo Quia Pulvis Es Et In Pulverem Reverteris" is still one of my favorite religious phrases.

I just can't say it without sounding creepy unless it's Ash Wednesday.

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