Dragging myself out of the abyss

[breakinglight11]

I plowed through an epic amount of work today. It was pretty grueling, but at least I can go into this weekend without stressing out about getting things done. I'm experimenting this semester with setting designated "work times" that I will always stick to. I utilize scheduling a fair bit, but I tend to schedule things whenever is convenient rather than sticking to "hours on" and "hours off." I'm trying it for a while to see if it helps me focus and not feeling like I constantly should be doing more work.

I am still pretty depressed, but I'm trying to push on through it. Today I went back to eating paleo and am fighting to not lapse back into being a sugar vacuum. I think I will at least physically feel a little better. As I've mentioned, the biggest issue is I'm not INTERESTED in anything I could be doing. I don't feel excited or get any pleasure from stuff I theoretically should want to pursue. I guess that's classic depression. But I don't know what to do about it, and it's become a real problem as I end up not working on anything because nothing seems worth it.

I've had a bee in my bonnet for ages now about doing little audio or video recordings of my thoughts. Maybe like journal entries, or maybe something more codified. I've been listening to podcasts a bit more lately and I guess it's given me the bug. I know every asshole thinks they can do a podcast, and I don't know if I any of the unique things I have to say would be at all interesting for people to listen to. So I keep stopping myself because it doesn't seem worth it. But the idea's been nagging at me, and it would be better than wasting my time not working on anything, so maybe I should just do it and not care if it's any good or if anybody cares about it.

Comments

[laurion]

Pretty sure most podcasters don't care if anybody cares about it. Something about not listening to the critics. Plus, if you put it out there, someone will listen to it, even if it is only you. I know you don't have a lot of breathing room at the moment, but if it is the only thing that you're expressing an interest or inspiration in, perhaps it can help. Maybe something small like writing some loose treatments of what you'd like to actually record when you get the breathing room for it.

[laurion]

Although, you might be getting perilously close to radio theater style productions. ;)

[breakinglight11.livejournal.com]

Thank you, that's actually really helpful.