New year, no progress

I was going to do the meme I did last year, where you examine the first line of the first entry of each month of the previous year and examine how it represents what was going on in your life. But when I looked back, I not only didn't feel like they did much to represent my life, but reminded me of what really went on all last year-- and that is, no progress. I find myself with the exact same set on problems on my plate as I did last New Year's, and I am incredibly disappointed and frustrated by that. It's not that nothing good happened last year-- I helped write a new weekend-long game, and I got to direct a fantastic version of my play, to name a couple things --but I didn't solve any of the issues I knew I wanted to deal with this time last year. I knew what was wrong and even though I resolved to fix it, I look at them now and I'm not in a different place with a single one of them now. It's not that I haven't tried, but everything I could think of to do didn't make a difference to such a degree that A WHOLE YEAR LATER I'm still in the same place.

I don't know what to do now. It's getting to the point where I'm out of ideas, and losing the will to keep grinding when no progress is being made.

Ten Day Meme: Day Ten

Day ten: one confession

1. Sometimes I hate myself for not being perfect. I hate my acne and my cellulite, I hate my temper and my judgmental tendencies, I hate my average intelligence and my weaknesses of character, fortitude, and ability. I hate myself for everything I can't do well or can't be well. Sometimes I can't understand why people can stand me at all when it's so glaringly obvious how imperfect I am.

My personal Larpercalia plans

So, in the midst of this depression, let's try to focus on something positive. The Festival schedule is up and looks absolutely gorgeous, thanks to our wonderful GMs for bidding so many fantastic  games. It's going to be a really good con. We currently have seventy-one people already signed up. That's less than I am expecting in total, which ultimately is around a hundred, but I'm uncertain of whether or not everyone usually signs up in advance, or whether they wait until they can actually sign up for games, or whether we'll get many people late rather than early in the process. Still, I expect a full complement of attendees by April.

Now! My personal plans for the con. As I said, there are so many good games, but alas, I have two slots taken by what I am running, and even then great games had to run opposite each other. Alas, there is nothing for it. Here is what I have elected to settle upon:

Friday night I am excited to play in The Prince Comes of Age. It looks very fun, and I am delighted to support the writing team, which is headed by morethings5, who now holds the title of newest larp writer to come out of Brandeis. A Crown of Hearts also looks fantastic, but I will have to wait to play that one later, as I am already promised to Prince. :-)

Saturday morning I will be running The Stand, my newest solo project. It's shaping up to be one hell of a game, and since this will be the second run, hopefully by then it will be totally-fine tuned. Hope you'll consider playing, if you weren't among those kind enough to go for the Intercon run!

Saturday afternoon I have also promised to play in Epoch's Waning, Chapter 1: Ruins of Grandeur. Frankly I hate the title, but I am interested in the setting and tone of the game. Again I want to support the writing team, and since this is Bernie's baby, I have agreed to play and give what suggestions I have.

Saturday night I am running Resonance, the experimental brainchild of natbudin, emp42ress, and simplewordsmith that they have graciously asked me to help write. It should be intense and novel, not to mention with a really unique structure, so if you're in the mood for something weird and deep, give it a try! I'm sorry to miss Better Off Dead and the others, but them's the breaks sometimes.

Sunday morning I will probably sleep like the dead, like usual. Still, all the games look pretty fun. Might have to break my no-Sunday-games rule, but we'll see.

So. What are you all playing in?