Forever Captain: “The Hemingway Trip” - 6. Promises to Keep

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Forever Captain:
“The Hemingway Trip”
By Phoebe Roberts
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Summary: “In the twenty years since Steve Rogers returned to the midcentury to build a life and family, he’s always been surprised at how close he became with Howard Stark. But it’s that very closeness that makes him the only person Howard can talk to when he’s wrestling with something big.

Nothing like a fishing trip to give the boys a chance to talk.”

Previous chapters:
1. Birds of Odd Feathers
2. In the Drink
3. Rough Time
4. Before This Day Ends
5. Nobody's Hero

Chapter summary: Steve doesn't fully understand what Howard is going through. But he can be there to help him work through it.

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6. Promises to Keep

Steve's gaze cast down. So that was it. Howard shifted uncomfortably, but now that he'd confessed it, there was no calling it back. "Like I said," he grumbled. "I didn't get a serum to make me perfect. Us mortals gotta worry about that."

"Ah." Steve's grip tightened on the fishing pole in his hands. He should have known, maybe, but somehow he hadn't. He cast about to find the right response. "It didn't stop me aging, Howard."

His friend scoffed. "Look at you— fifteen years since you been back. After God knows how many in your little detour. And in all that time… might as well be the same god that stepped out of that tube an hour ago."

"I don't know if that's true," Steve murmured, but Howard wasn't having it.

"Oh, yeah? Worrying about that gut coming in or that pretty blond hair going gray?" He snorted as Steve said nothing. "Yeah, that's what I thought."

Steve swallowed, eyes narrowing. "So is that what this is really about? You're blowing up your life over your gut and a little gray hair?"

Howard groaned extravagantly. "It's everything!" He smacked his head into his hands. "When did it all get like this— did I lose a weekend and they changed everything while I was out on the bender? Steve, I can't eat a steak dinner without heartburn in the middle of the night. I gotta make a deal with God if I bend to pick up a pen so my back doesn't go out. And at work… those kids in the lab who second-guess everything I say. These hippie pukes who wouldn't know how to serve their country if it was laid out on a silver platter. How did I get left in the dust without even knowing it? If this is my last hurrah… is this how I'm going out?"

Wrung out, he heaved a sigh, then actually summoned up the ghost of a smile. "Can you blame me if I've fallen back on the one thing where I haven't lost my touch?"

The smile died at Steve's look. "I can, Howard. Because you're wrong on all counts."

He made a face. "You think so? Thanks for the input, pal."

Again Steve refused to let him deflect. "First of all, you're not that old. This doesn't have to be the end of anything if you don't want it to be."

"Easy for you to say. You're already retired. You finished everything you set out to do."

"And then I started over. I wanted my life to be different and I changed it— and second of all, I do know what it's like to feel old."

Howard scoffed. "You're shitting me. When?"

"In the future," he declared. That caught Howard's attention. Steve spoke so rarely about anything that happened to him in his time in the twenty-first century, even to the handful of people who knew about it. There had been times where Howard had tried to get Steve to tell him what he knew of his own future. Steve shut that down as firmly as he could, so that Howard eventually got the message— but he'd never really given up that curiosity about the things the man out of time had seen.

Still, Howard's eyes narrowed skeptically. "How could that be? You were barely forty."

"When everybody in the room could have been my grandkid," Steve shot back. "If I'd lived out my own time. When I didn't know shit about how the world worked, and nobody seemed to think the way I thought they would. You know what I mean?" He'd been the old man in so many rooms then, with his midcentury references, sensibilities, habits. Even among men who were biologically of an age to be his father. Tony in particular had a remarkable talent for making him feel like a dinosaur and a child all at the same time. It hadn't helped matters in their constant struggle to relate to one another.

Howard considered this and looked away, swiping the back of his hand over his mouth. "Still, man. It's not the same. Not when you still recognize the face in the mirror."

Steve sighed, and had to concede. "No. It's not."

He reeled in his line to cast again as the two sat in silence a moment. Maybe that was the reason he hadn't picked up on what was going on with Howard. Beyond even his knowledge of the future, here was yet one more thing that would would separate him from his loved ones— even from Peggy. She was not the type to dwell on things she could not change, but they both knew the man she had promised to grow old with would not grow old in the same way she would.

At last Howard sighed, breaking the silence. "So, there it is. The damage is done, I've been tested and I've failed. What now? What am I supposed to do now?"

Steve's gaze was fixed on where the line bobbed gently in the water. He considered very carefully before he spoke— given the gravity, the circumstances, and everything that was at stake. At last he turned to look back at his friend. "You've got to tell her, Howard."

In all his spilling his secrets and baring his soul, in no part of it had Steve seen Howard more vulnerable than in the look of fear that came over him in that moment. "What?"

Steve softened but did not yield. "You've got to tell Maria what's been going on."

"Do I?" He stammered a bit. "I know it can't go on. But can't I just… clean up my act? Why's she gotta know things that are only going to hurt her? What's the good in that?"

That was the question, wasn't it? Just how much hung in the balance of this one marriage, in futures that may or may not be? Still, there was one thing that was true in all possible realities.

"Because she deserves to make her own decisions about this. She can't do that if she doesn't have the facts." Steve regarded him very seriously. "So you need to do the right thing by her."

Howard hung his head and shook it. "And… you're sure that's it?" He chuckled nervously. "Think hard, Steve. A lot is riding on this."

Steve's breath hitched. He steeled himself. "You know, I made her a promise," he said. "On the day you got married."

Howard snorted. "Wasn't that my job?"

"I promised her I'd keep an eye on you."

"Why?" Howard sneered. "Didn't think you could trust me even then?"

"Because I care about you, and I wanted to take care of you. And her, too." Steve paused. "I can't keep this from her, Howard. Not when I know she'd want to know."

Howard seemed to shrink in that moment, in a manner Steve had seldom ever seen. Even his voice grew weaker and smaller. "I don't know if I can."

"Why not?"

"Because… I think she'll leave." He spoke as if the words were pulled out of him. "I don't want to lose her, Steve. I don't think I could take it. I know I've been acting like an ass… but I love her. You know that, right?"

Steve didn't doubt it. He knew the man had, in another world, proved it with his life. "Then you can do it for her sake. I believe that."

Howard looked at him then, as if searching for that belief. Steve met his gaze and did his best to give it. Let him think that I am more man than I am and I will be so.

"And… what if she does leave?" Howard asked at last, toying with the neck of the whiskey bottle in his pocket. "What if I'm the bigger man, and she decides she's done with me. What do I do then?"

What would they all do? Who'd live, who'd die, who would never come to be? Whose worlds would come to an end? But then, those were the questions that all men asked. Not just the man out of time.

Steve wound in his line to cast it again. "You come find me," he said. "And I'll help you through it."

Howard pulled out the Johnnie Walker as he watched Steve's lure. He opened it, took one more swallow, then smacked his lips thoughtfully. "Swear to Christ," he said. "If she kicks me out, it's your couch I'm camping out on."

Next chapter: 7. Coming Clean