Meals with artistic people

Having Brenda and Frances over for dinner tonight. It is cold and sad outside, so I want comfort food. I have decided to make a big old meatloaf. Haven't had that in a while, and it will be easy, tasty, and comforting. Frances has an idea for a Hamlet-related theater piece that I'm interesting in hearing about, so we shall discuss that over dinner.

Yesterday I had a lovely lunch with Jonathan and heard about HIS theatrical piece he wanted my help with. As part of his final art show he wants to incorporate a sort of living installation that expresses his theme, and he asked me to play a part in it. I love his idea, and I'm very excited. This should be happening in April, I think, which means plenty of time to prepare.

Have all the headshots taken and prepped now. Just have to print out Jonathan's and we're good to go. I still need people's bios, though. I should send out an e-mail threatening that if I don't get bios by, say, Thursday, I'm writing them myself. And they will say nothing but how awesome I, their wonderful and long-suffering director, am.

In memoriam: favorite charcoal v-neck and hoodie

Woke up this morning with the strangest longing for an outfit I used to have years ago. It was probably the best-loved set of clothing I've ever owned-- fitted long-sleeved charcoal gray v-neck with a matching fleecey cropped hoodie. It was remarkable because it was bought for me by my grandparents, and for Christ's sake, whose grandparents ever pick out clothes for them that are not only to their taste but end up being their favorite pieces ever? It was perfect-- fit perfectly, suited my shape perfectly, was a color I loved, exposed just enough midriff to please me but not be inappropriate for high school. And the hoodie was shaped great as well, something to pull on if it was colder and take off if it was warmer. It had a little magenta butterfly on one of those weird tiny zippered change pockets high up on the sleeve, but I didn't care.

I wore this ensemble so often I think my mother grew to hate it. I had an "I wear gray all the time" phase that really irked her, probably started by my love of this outfit. God, I wish I had it now; it made me feel so cool and stylish. I wonder what happened to it. Heh, I wouldn't be surprised if I wore it out, or if my mom threw it away in frustration, or some combination thereof. But I should really keep an eye out for something like that. I don't think I ever loved a set of clothes so much.

Don't know what made me think of that. But it kind of makes me smile.

Mardi Gras already?

Whoa. Looking at my calendar, it appears that Mardi Gras has crept up on me and falls this year on... today. I haven't really given any thought as to what I should give up for Lent yet, which means I don't know what I should indulge now before I am without it for the next forty days.

My typical Lenten sacrifice is processed sugar. It's good for my health and for my weight. I think I did that for something like eight years in a row. Last year, however, I elected to keep kosher to see what it was like. I must confess, kashrut is one of the Jewish concepts that means the least to me. It was an interesting experiment, but frankly one that did little to recommend the practice to me. It wasn't so bad, I guess, but I didn't really feel there was anything positive about it that outweighed what it demanded giving up. Pork is a food, not a sin, and a delicious one at that. But still, it's something that means an awful lot to certain very important people in my life. So I guess it's a gesture of respect to them if I decide to do it again, which does matter to me. Processed sugar, but contrast, is a personal sacrifice, but there's no expression of love involved, only the self-denial for Lent.

Feminist rant on appearence reactions

I recently read an article about women's fear of dressing "sexy" because they're afraid of not being respected and being viewed as inappropriate. And I gotta say, some of the thoughts really irked my feminist anxieties.

First of all, I thought the article did a poor job of defining what it meant by "sexy." Do we mean "looking really good such that people think we're hot?" Do we mean "showing a lot of skin?" Do we mean "with the intent to elicit a sexual reaction?" Because in my opinion, those things are very different, and while there may be some overlap, I do not believe there always is.

I always aim to look attractive, both to my own standard, to general opinion, and to the opposite sex. So I would say I always try to "look hot"-- I want people to think I'm hot. I don't think any woman should be at fault for that; who doesn't want to look good, even attractive, as they define it? Maybe it's going a little too far if you're trying to get any real, immediate sexual reaction out of people in a context where that is not appropriate. But I honestly I think you'd have to go pretty extreme in how you're dressing in order to get a lot of that. And I feel like that extremity makes it is pretty easy to identify when that intent is present.

honestly, I don't really agree with the notion that skin automatically is about eliciting sexual reaction. I'm sure all of you know by now that I like showing skin. I think there's a degree of it that people are not such animals as to be totally revved up about when they see it. Being small-busted, necklines have to be pretty damn low in order to seem even vaguely provocative on me. I do tend to show my midriff a lot, at least the little strip of it between my waistband and the hem of my shirt. Is my typical inch-wide band of skin there really anything more than a fun and cute little touch? I think it looks hot, sure, but as I said, there's a difference between looking hot and actually looking like you're trolling for arousal.

Now, make no mistake, I'm not saying every look is appropriate for every situation. And sure, there's a limit of when some is too much. Save the plunging decolletages, the belt skirts, and the crop tops for having fun with, not anywhere that sort of thing would be inappropriately provocative. Though honestly I don't find any of my dressing habits to be that extreme, even I tone it down a little for, say, going to work. I've thrown on camisoles under low necklines and buttoned a few more buttons than I might otherwise. But I really don't see anything wrong with showing a moderate bit of skin. My workplace isn't all that conservative about dress, and if there's a different standard at yours, you should of course observe it. Heh, when I asked about the dress code when I first came to work there, literally the answer I got was, "Uh... no mirco-minis?" Well, okay, then. I've never heard a word about my belly, and I can't remember any serious context in which I felt less respected due to how much skin I was showing.

Maybe it's just that I have never felt terribly bothered by objectification. I've only felt I was being objectified a handful of times in my life, and I found these occasions to be moronic rather than hurtful. I know I'm not an object-- nobody has the power to actually turn me into one, regardless of how they see me. Yes, I am very pretty, thanks for noticing. I'm sorry that you're too much of a moron to realize that I'm smart too. Perhaps it might have been different if the objectification ever came from anyone with any power over me-- a boss, for example --to make consequences come of their reduction of me to object status, but in general, I find it to be that person's problem, not mine. As I said-- I'm not an object, and even if they treat me that way, nobody on earth has the power to make me into one. 

And that brings me to another point-- these days, are men in general inclined to that kind of behavior? It's not the fucking fifties anymore, people. Maybe I've just had unusually fortunate experience, but I have found most men I've interacted with have internalized the notion that women are more than just pretty sexy things. That a woman dressing pretty, even sexy, does not automatically negate the possibility that she's got a lot going on upstairs as well.

I feel like this is predicated on a pretty offensive assumption about men as hyper-sexual beasts such that an attractive girl showing a little more skin than usual equals an automatic horny reaction that blots out all thought of that girl being a human being. Yuck. So sexist, so unfair, and I pray to God, so inaccurate. Do people really see men as lust-landmines that are going to explode with inappropriate behavior the minute something they find sexy sets them off? How patronizing! They're not animals, for Christ's sake. And if there ARE actually men like that, whose attraction to a woman cancels out any regard for her intellect or personhood, those men are creepy and fucked up and THEY are the problem and the ones that need to shape up, not the woman they're reacting to.

And I gotta say, I really hate this panic-reaction so many women have about, "OMG, he thinks I'm hot, now he won't respect me as a person!" Oh, get over yourself. WHY is it assumed that respect and attraction can't coexist? That being sexy and being smart mutually exclude one another? I find that not only insulting to men, but to women as well! Women can either be seen as respectable and capable, OR attractive and sexy? Screw that! I am a beautiful, smoking-hot woman who acts, directs, cooks, designs, organizes, and writes everything from larps to plays to poetry! Don't you forget for a minute that I've got beauty AND brains!

Is an inch-wide band of skin that I think is cute going to light the fires of brain-consuming lust? Nuh-uh. Is my being seen as a sexy woman negate the truth that I am also an intelligent and capable one? No on your life! And while yeah, it's important to hold men to a proper standard, we need to not turn them into the enemy when they don't deserve it.

And that's today's feminist rant. Your thoughts?

Additional ear piercings?

I am generating a lot of content today. My brain is going in lots of directions at once right now, and I suppose it needs an outlet. Writing in Livejournal is one that pleases me. I noticed that today I broke one thousand entries. This pleases me as well.

I'm considering getting another set of piercing in my ears. I'm not sure what made me think of this. But I've always admired the way blendedchaitea's look, with the three little studs marching along each of her earlobes. Hers are subtle and never too loud, though; I am concerned of more than one pair looking too busy, and I don't currently own the kind of earrings that would "layer" well together. I suppose I do have the gold studs that were my trainers when I got the first piercings done; they're probably subtle and elegant enough to go with another pair. And, duh, of course the diamond solitaires. I could also maybe do a cartilege piercing rather than more in the lobe, but again I fear tackiness. I'm not a fan of body piercing otherwise, like in the nose or eyebrow. The only kind other than ears I've ever considered is bellybutton, which I'm sure surprises exactly no one, but God knows I draw enough attention to that area as it is; I'm not sure I need to go asking for more. I'll have to ask Jared and see what he thinks. I'm not even sure I really want it; after all, it took me nineteen years to get the first set done. But for some reason the notion has come into my head.